Destination Unknown - (Destination Unknown - Alex Gaudino)

Well after a brilliant weekend, the inevitable ...... Monday morning.  Fortunately, the sun is shining and I have a four minute walk commute so a good start to the week.  The title of this week's blog come via, as always, my iPod that was doing it's thing. The words of this song are so, so my life.  When I actually heard this song play I thought wow.  So here are the words of the whole song:

I left my job, my boss, my car and my home, I'm leaving for a destination I still don't know
Somewhere nobody must have duties at home, And if you like this, you can follow me
So let's go, Follow me, And let's go

To the place where we belong, And leave our troubles at home
Come with me, We can go
To a paradise of love and joy
A destination unknown, Destination unknown

Now I won't feel those heavy shoulders no more
My life got better now I finally enjoy
Yes all the people wanna come here and so
Come on and join us you can do that now
Let's go, Follow me, And let's go

To the place where we belong
And leave our troubles at home
Come with me, We can go
To a paradise of love and joy
A destination unknown, Destination unknown

We left the city, the pollution, the crowd - well not really that is where I ended up!
The air is clear, the ocean's blue, I love that sound, We're happy for this destination we found

Monday:  Five minute walk commute this morning to attend a meeting and a late lunch resulted in the day flying by.  Also, the bus whizzed through the traffic tonight.  I guess it is because it is half term. I was showing Andy my black and white childhood on You Tube tonight: The Wooden Tops, Andy Pandy and Bill and Ben ................. it answers a lot! Then we both got a fit of the giggles watching Dinner Date when a bloke cooked a summer pudding that just

It looked nothing like this!

collapsed into a pile of bread.  We both could not breathe with laughter, it was hysterical.  More paperwork this evening but all good and finally managed to upload the weekend blog. Apart from that a quiet day but hey, at least the sun was shining.  All is well.   

Tuesday:  Difficult day today.  I guess the top and bottom of it is, I am sick to death of men, and sorry it is men, lying.  This time in a professional capacity which makes a change from it being personal.  Not just one, but two! Unbelievable but I shall learn from it and move on. Managed some randomish act of kindness today.  There is a woman at work who is obviously have a worse time than me so we met for a coffee at lunchtime and then I got her a bunch of flowers (as I do) to hopefully lift her mood, but  feel it may take more than a few cut flowers. Back home, bit of meltdown.  My friend Cherise's timing is either impeccable or terrible, depending on your viewpoint. Waiting on my bed was an envelope containing a card from her and the children saying that they love me to the moon and back.  I just sat on the bed and sobbed.  I think it was a combination of yet another challenging and difficult day coupled with the words on the card and it being sent out of sheer love and kindness.

Rest of the evening was, once again, devoted to necessary but resentful paperwork, interjected by Andy and I having a laugh and rant and a moan. I console myself with moments like now, just sitting on the sofa, listening to the

radio, drinking a cup of tea and looking at The Shard.  This time will pass and all will be well.  But tomorrow is going to be a very difficult day for personal reasons.

Wednesday: It is like a monsoon when I look out of the window this morning.  You cannot see the top of The Shard because of the low cloud and rain.  I love Wednesdays; this Wednesday is going to be completely different. I woke to Whitesnake singing Here I Go Again On My Own. Which apart from the lyrics, reminds me of my dear friend Ann who left this world far too soon (as many people do).  I am not sure if this a good or bad sign.  But it is a sign.

Good news! A dear friend has had a breast cancer scare. We have been waiting two weeks for the results and she found out this afternoon that there is nothing to worry about.  I cannot tell you how relieved I am so I cannot imagine how she is feeling. I got the news as I left a meeting at Brixton and just stood in the street and cried.  It didn't matter, it is London. But such a relief.  Went home after the meeting, I thought stuff it. So more paperwork done but least it has freed up my evening to do ................ my feet!  I have awful feet.  I have toes like a llama and feet that are totally disgusting. I blame my Father, bless him.  I inherited his genes including the most awful looking feet.  So tonight it is soak, cut, scrape and paint.  Oh joy oh joy. See it is all rock and roll living in London. But I don't care tonight about anything; that news this afternoon trumps everything else.  The best news ever.

Thursday: I am so tired this week. I think it is the dark nights autumn thing. But tomorrow is Friday and I am so thankful alone just for that.  It has been a difficult five weeks but hopefully things might change just a little.  As always, I have hope.  I have asked for Friday off as I need it.  No details but trust me I need it.  On Monday I am moving office to just up the road from the flat so I will have a five minute (the most) walk to my desk.  Whilst this may be viewed as a positive thing; I come to London to get out and about.  However, I will clear my head and start Monday morning in a new place - in all aspects.

I certainly gained my Gay Exam.  My new Erasure Greatest Hits CD come today. It is funny.  I saw them in a past life at Wolverhampton and JF went to the loo and a gorgeous gay guy come out as he went in and this guy started chatting to me about how did I enjoy the show and oh weren't they good. Then gave me a hug and a couple of kisses on the cheek and left.  JF come out the loo and said

who was that and even then, I did my oh I don't know (as in I will speak to anyone bit). But tonight listening to this CD it is funny how it takes you to a place where perhaps you do not want your head to be; especially after this week's events as well.  A couple of the tracks reminded me of JF. I guess I just smiled and decided that I needed to make new memories (very much what I have been doing since I arrived in London) around these songs.  But hey you know the saying 'Our Karen has always liked the gays!'.

Friday: No work today! It has been a very difficult five weeks for me; in fact, the most difficult since I arrived in London. Today I had to go to Guy's for a blood test. It was really strange.  This is the hospital that treated my dear old Dad for many years and here I am now some 35 years later repeating his journey ...... crazy.  The woman who did the test was lovely.  She was from Bulgaria and we sat and had a chat.  Popped into the Chapel at Guy's to light a candle and spend some time with my dear old Dad then off to Borough Market just to have a look around.  It was beautiful there, all decked out in Autumnal colours.  But it soon got busy as it is still half term. So did a bit of 'normal' shopping and back to the flat.  Unfortunately, whilst it may have been a day off work, it was not a day off the relentless paperwork I have found myself completing.  But I am making (hopefully) steady progress.  

On the way back to the flat I come across more builders.  Now my friends, builders in London are completely different to builders 'up North'.  You see them just hanging around in their rigger boots and corporate overalls and high viz and hats.  Most of them wear Raybans Aviator sunglasses and look as if they have just walked off the set of CHiPs (remember that programme!).  They hang around outside building sites just looking cool.  On my way back today I saw two builders and sitting next to them, two guys in suits.  They were all eating their lunch.  Not in a greasy spoon cafe but Wasabi which is my favourite Japanese food outlet.  Crazy.  But only in London.

Anyway, ended up going out with Mr France aka PPLP.  We had planned, well he had planned, to go and see a few bands in a pub in Shoreditch  We get on the tube and he wanted to know who do you say someone is creeping up to someone else aka arse licking!  So I tell him that, he shouts it out, the tube look I start laughing.  A normal night.  It ended up with me saying derrière licking and he understood.  Then we looked down the tube and there were three women sitting there with paper bags on their heads.  Yes you did read that right. Just sitting there with bags on their heads.  Only in London.  We found the pub walked in and it was full of 20 year old students, drunk at 21.15, no band and a DJ playing rap.  I could have stayed it seemed ok is but PPLP was having none of it.  Then it started.  My tour of Shoreditch and Hoxton.  We walked, and we walked and we walked.  We walked through a Police showdown in the street, we walked by a toilet just sitting in the gutter (as you do), we found one pub I knew and the band sounded crap. He found a rasta working man's club bar, we ended back at the first pub when I used my extensive French as in deja vu! By now it was 22:55 and I NEEDED a drink.

Any of you who know London we realise how far we walked.  In the end I took control of the situation and we ended up in Bishopsgate opposite Liverpool Street Station in a pub and I got a drink.  It was 23:30. So we are sitting there laughing and drinking and I have no idea what is going on behind me. But it turns out a party behind me had knocked loads of drinks over and the guy, who I must say was very nice, rolls over apologising and asking if he could buy as both another drink.  We both said no it is fine, no damaged done etc but he was insistent.  So we got a free drink.  However, he did refer to Arno as my boyfriend, which did make me chuckle.  We got the bus home and started chatting, well he started chatting to me you know what I am like, to a bloke on the bus who again referred to Arno as my boyfriend.  I thought it was hysterical; I think Arno lost it in translation.  So back home. Arno's flat is before mine so we said our goodbyes with that French kissing on the cheek thing; as opposed to French kissing and I walked home.  Then when I get in at 1:30 I can't sleep and I think it was around 3:00 before I nodded off.

It has been a difficult few days, added to a difficult few weeks. But I will remain optimistic. I mean let's face it folks, I have and continue to survive a great deal worse.

As always, with my love x

I'm a different person, turn my world around (Lola's Theme - The Shapeshifters)

Saturday: Andy has a cold!  Moving on. Today I have had my busy, busy head on.  Stripped the bed and then went out. I got a few hundred metres down the road and past a guy who had probably, just the one good tooth.  He smiled at me and said 'Have a great day darling!' it did make me smile.  I replied 'You too sweetheart'.  A few hundred metres later and I swore the woman walking towards me was my Auntie Pat. The nearer I got, the more she looked like her. It was not her.  But I did have to stop and tell her that she had a double.  She was a lovely woman, who did not openly look as if she had come across a mad woman.  Off I went, through little Colombia to the library.  Our library has been moved recently into, well I guess, a collection of containers. But it is cool.  It is in a little area of other containers than hold little businesses and I noticed some new enterprises there today.  We now have a couple of cute little bars, a vegan/raw food cafe (very interesting) a latex clothes shop (yes you did read that right).  In their window they had a baby pink latex dress. I did have to giggle to myself at the thought of a. me getting into that and b. what the hell I would look like if or once I had, and a tattooist.  I guess it is my own mini version of Shoreditch.

Also, not far from me is the most wonderful health food shop and herbalist. I am so lucky to have this on my door step. I went there to day to get Sicknote aka Andy some echinacea.  This is so funny.  Last night I was trying to explain to Andy about echinacea but all I kept calling it was alopecia! I was convinced I was going to walk into that shop and ask for alopecia.  Andy thinks echinacea sounds like a name for a black woman lol. We can't say the word now without giggling. 

Anyway, back at the shop.  They were so helpful to me in there.  I needed immune treatment for a vegan (long story but you may be able to figure it out). They certainly knew what you could and could not have.  Amazing shop and great staff.  Back to the dry cleaners to collect my lovely winter quilt.  I was very impressed how they gave it back to me.  It was rolled into a cloth bag with a handle which was so easy to carry. When I got back to the flat I gave sicknote his new box of tissues, orange juice, Lemsip and the said echinacea tablets then started to clean the flat. Did my ironing, made up my bed and completed another piece of paperwork ..... sigh! Now I am sitting her writing this.

Andy is out to the theatre tonight and I am home alone.  But tomorrow, fingers crossed, I think I am having an interesting day. Treated myself to a bath tonight; the first one in the flat. Obviously, I do shower lol but not tonight. I have a funny phobia about baths (amongst all the other funny phobias I have). In all thrillers, horror films ........  people get murdered in the bath.  It was OK tonight as I could leave the door open to the bathroom, which in theory means it made it easy for the mad axe murderer to get in.  We have a lovely bath, it is really deep and I was in there ages, which meant I come out looking like a prune.

Andy come home from the theatre buzzing about what he has seen but I cannot tell you as he had to sign a confidentiality agreement about it.  But it sounded totally amazing and he did something last night there that he has never done in his life before ................... with a woman! Hysterical.

Sunday: Well I don't know if it was listening to Andy's adventures last night, or the bath or what, but I had a restless nights sleep.  All kinds of things rushing in and out of my mind.  I woke, again at 3.33.  This has been going on for four years now. I kept putting the TV on low on timer, then drifting off again.  I think I know why this is.  If all goes to plan today, I have an interesting day and I think it is playing on my mind a bit.  All to be revealed (hopefully) later.

So off to the Trew Era cafe again for my Sunday mediation.  Oh how I like that group.  Sad news at the cafe, they had been broken into a few days ago and the till taken. Such a shame. I just hope the people who took the money really needed it.  I just so love this group and really wish you could all come along and share it with me.  There is such a peaceful energy there, it is hard to describe. The whole place just has an amazing feel about it.  We meditate for 30 minutes and the time flies by.  It was such a beautiful day today and after the meditation some of the group went and sat outside in the garden.  I remained inside an had another pot of mint tea, whilst chatting away.

I left the cafe, back on the bus then changed at Bank on to the DLR (Docklands Light Railway).  This is the first time I have been on the DLR and loved it.  It is like the skytrain in Bangkok.  It went through Canary Wharf to Greenwich where I got off.  Today I was meeting Mr South Africa ...... the guy I met a few weeks ago.  This was our second date. He has been busy as he has gone back to University to study Fine Art but texted me this week to see if we wanted to 'hang out'. 

I had such a lovely, lovely day.  We went for coffee and then walked around Greenwich Market where I treated myself to a new purple hat.  You know me

and hats. Then we got a cup of mulled wine,which was absolutely delicious and went and sat in Greenwich Park for a couple of hours, just chatting and laughing and having a great time.  But it got cold and dark all so quick.  So we scuttled of off to a really cool pub and just sat there drinking and talking and laughing.  It was so good.  He is a really sweet guy.  I do have to smile though as he is a vegan and God only knows how Andy is going to cope with that. He thinks I am odd being a vegetarian lol.  The toilets in this pub were amazing.  Mr SA took a picture of the blokes loo, I did tell him I could go in myself and take the photo but he insisted.  I took some of the women's loo.  So

much to see why you were having a wee.  We had a great chat about growing up in SA under apartheid, which many of you may know would have interested me immensely.  I did tell him that I never bought Cape fruit for years and would often, on my way to work, go across to the SA Embassy and talk to the protesters and sign their petition.  He was pleased and impressed that I knew all about Barclay's bank and even more impressed when I said I closed my

Woolwich account when Barclay's took them over.  When the woman in Hanley Woolwich asked why I was closing my account after so many years, I explained to her about the history of Barclay's; she did not have a clue.  Barclay's made their money on the back of the slave trade and were, at the time, the main financial institution in an apartheid South Africa (bit of a history lesson for you their guys).

I got the bus home and Mr SA waited at the bus stop with me. It has been a long, long time since I had a snog at a bus stop and last time I had acne,  but it was all good.  I get on the bus and then receive a phone call from Mr SA to say the DLR was closed and he was on the next bus.  So I got off my bus and joined him on his bus lol. Well we got on so, so well.  The conversation just flew and the time passed so quickly. He is at college all week and works at weekends but we said that we will figure something out and hang out again as we both really liked each other and got on well.  I guess it has kind of restored my faith in men, well slightly at least and let's face it, with recent events I need some faith restored.  It was a really good day, really good.

Back to the flat and broke the news to Andy who was hysterically funny.  He said he would go to the pet shop and by some Trill lol.  Andy eats a lot of meat. We tried to think if or how we could order a takeaway but it is very difficult.  Andy will be milking this for what it is worth. Still I am please that i entertain him lol.  I have visions of him wafting bacon under my room door in a plot to torture him (FYI bacon doesn't bother me).  

Well what a weekend.  It has flown by, in the blink of an eye.  But all good.  So already to embrace another working week.

As always, with my love x

For though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see. There will be an answer, let it be (Let it Be - The Beatles)

The weekend flew by and here we are again, Monday morning. A new week, with new opportunities and all the excitement that can bring.

Monday:  When life throws you lemons, and let's face it, I have had more than my fair share of a fruit cocktail the past four years, you do one of a couple of things with said lemon.  Either throw it back and make sure you hit the person who threw it at you, or slice it up and add it to gin and have a jolly good time.  I have chosen to do the later.  I have checked out!  You can fill in the gaps.

Busy night tonight. So much paperwork to do but I have got it into some sort of order now so that is a positive thing.  Andy is working in Birmingham tomorrow so I am home alone.  This is not good.  I cannot be trusted to be left on my own, I get into all types of mischief!  I did not have my evening meal until 8.30 which is 6.00pm Stoke on Trent time. So here I am at 10.00pm and the night is young - and so am I.  It took my a while to adjust to a few things moving back down south.  Firstly, the time difference.  Whilst we are on the same time, time is different here.  5.00pm is like 3.00pm and 10.00pm is like 8.00pm, even on a school night.  That is another thing.  There are no school nights.  Every night is an opportunity to get out and do something.  Also, I remember and are enjoying how warm it is here.  No heating yet.  By now, in my cottage, the heating would

My little cottage and my darling Hetty

have been on for weeks.  I am so warm.  I remember when I moved to Stoke it took me ages, around 18 months, to adjust to the cold. I never liked it. I love the warmth of the City.  So I will have to have a think about what I can do for a couple of hours!

Tuesday:  Well the boys are really growing their hair. I do like the Genghis Khan look and their little bobbles in their hair are so cute, along with their rolled up trousers.  It brightened up my commute this morning.  Where I work is on

the direct flight path into Heathrow and today the planes were arriving thick and fast.  I do look in total wonderment at them. Wondering who is on them and where they are coming from.  As I got off the bus I was greeted by the message shown in this picture. It did make me smile.  

The day passed quickly and back at the flat I really could not be bothered to cook myself anything for my dinner; so I didn't.  Again, paperwork to complete but it did go really well and I am beginning to feel back in control again. All is good.




Wednesday:  Well the day got off to a great start.  I was working very local first thing today so decided to do myself some toast and Marmite! I love Marmite. Any way, smoke alarm decided to do it's thing and got off and off and off.  Andy was still in bed.  OK he was awake but what a wake up call.  The toast had not even burnt!  Left the flat and was greeted by wet stuff dropping from the sky ................... the rain!  Grey skies, wet soggy leaves and I could just see the top of The Shard.  Meh.  

Day over and the bus journey went really quick.  I really do not know what they

What the new US embassy will look like

are building the new US Embassy out of but that along with the MI6 building take out the signal on my phone every night, which is annoying as it always half way through the Confessions on the Simon Mayo show! I really do not know where the Americans are going to put that great big eagle of theirs they have currently at Grosvenor Square (their Embassy at the moment).  I know where I would like to shove it and it would still be on American territory ......... :)   More paperwork tonight, sigh.  But it HAS to be done and I actually completed a great deal.  It is official, I am a Londoner.  Well let's face it, I have always been Southern, even when I was in exile in the frozen North (well Midlands but you get the idea).  In fact one of the

MI6 Building

strangest things was when I heard Meg talk and she sounded so Northern.  I used to think, how can I have given birth to someone who does not sound anything like me!! Strange.  Anyway, back to being a Londoner.  I am an official Londoner now as I zone out on the bus every day.  I meditate for 15 minutes in the morning, headphones in zoned totally out.  No one cares. No one notices. But tonight it was like the zombie apocalypse, people looking down, scrolling away, in their own little world.  I now have headphones with a speaker on the wire so I too can also talk to myself out loud whilst walking down the street.  It is strange when you see people do it.  I used to think, who are they speaking with but now realise they are on their phone.  Crazy, mixed up world. So it is a mug of hot chocolate tonight for Andy and me and we will watch the Apprentice.  Now we should really be on Gogglebox with this one!

Thursday:   Thursday already, where has this week gone?  Strange day really but he 5.00pm arrived and I was on the bus on the way to the tube station.  Tonight I went to Highbury Islington to meet my little group for a drink.  Most of the people in this group drink ale, I do not. I drink gin. Tonight I had a lovely

gin called Barthtub Gin. My it was lovely but so strong. I only had a couple as it is a school night.  I walked to Angel.  I have not been up that end of town and I really did like it.  My kind of place. On the way to the tube I saw this poster.  It did make me giggle, especially the  note that some one had added on the bottom. Londoners really do have a great sense of humour.  

I have to admit I felt a bit 'tipsy' I mean really, after two gins. But that Bathtub gin was rather strong.  I glided around Sainsbury's at Angel grabbing carbs for something to eat when I get in and then back to the flat.

Had an hour in the lounge catching up with Andy and all his news.  He did tell me such a funny story which, as much as  would like to share it with you, I cannot.  But I will never look at credit card fraud again without having flashbacks to this story.  Trust me when I say that nothing in this world is sacred.  Nothing.

Friday:  Well it is Friday ..... Yay!  I woke up to a rather nice surprise via a text message, but hopefully, and I say that with caution, hopefully more about that the weekend.  I got paid today.  I was amazed they got it right to be honest. Also, I did not pay ANY tax as let's face it, I have not earned a penny since March!  So it was a rather healthy looking wage slip.  Which means I can actually save a great deal this month.  OK it will no repay all the savings I had to spend over the summer, but at least for the next three months I will be able to put some back.  

Just when you think all is well, along comes something to knock you off your feet ....... AGAIN!  Today, ironically, just as I got to the new American Embassy I get a text message. When any other time my phone dies! I mean can you actually believe that.  I am not going to say any more, nor will I waste any further emotional energy on the subject.  People do not go away.  Interesting day at work then we went to pub after work which was OK. Bus home and the Houses of Parliament looked lovely light up.  I do so much love seeing the river. Treated myself to fish and chips for dinner, pay day special and then sorted out all my finances.  Which, after all this time, was a good feeling.  

Chores tonight as I may, and I say it cautiously, may be having a busy weekend.  I say chores they are far and few between these days.  Single life means you hardly have any ironing and do not have to decide what there is for tea every night.  I have kind of got my head around it now and it is rather liberating not having to be answerable to anyone.  Yep, I quite like being a single girl!

As always, with my love x

You have now found yourself trapped in the incomprehensible maze... Where's your head at? (Where's Your Head At? - Basement Jaxx)

Thank goodness it is the weekend (again). Nothing amazing planned but hey, I am in London and it is the weekend, what more do I need.

Saturday:  I never woke up until 9.00am this morning.  This never happens. I thought it was around 7.30am.  It was one of those morning, and I guess we all have them, when we wake up and feel ....... meh!  I dug out my winter quilt and took it to the dry cleaners.  I love that quilt.  There are not many good things about winter, but that is one.  The woman in the shop was lovely. So much for Londoners not speaking to each other.

Got the bus and went over to Surrey Quays.  Here there is a small shopping centre and there were some women fundraising for Cancer Research UK.  I always try to donate and it seemed even more right to do so this week. I bought ten raffle tickets for £2 and you had to match a number ending in a 5 or 0.  I won two prices; a child's ball with Frozen characters on it and a mug and coaster.  One of the fundraisers come to see what I had won and I said to her please give the ball to a child and pass on the mug to someone who looks as if they are having a bad day.  She was so touched by this, asking me if I were sure and then gave me huge hug and thanked me for my kindness.  Later as I walked past I saw a little girl playing with the ball.  It was all good.

The reason why I was over there was to go to the cinema to see Suffragette.  I hope my Megan has gone to see this.  I have always been and will continue to be, so thankful to those woman who strived for so long to give me the freedoms I enjoy now.  Even thought I still think there is so much to do.  I have mentioned it before, but when I graduated I wore the colours of the WSUP - purple, green and white at my graduation ceremony in memory of those who gave so much for me to achieve my degree. During the film Mrs Pankhurst says: Never underestimate the power we women have to define our own destiny.  It sort of hit a chord with me.  At the end of the film they give the dates other

countries gave the vote to women and I was absolutely amazed to see that women in Switzerland (why am I not surprised it was Switzerland) were not given the vote until 1971. Obviously, the women in Saudi Arabia are still waiting.  

I then went to do some shopping for the flat and me and treated myself to a jumper to wear with my boots and leggings.  Waited for the bus and helped a woman on with her shopping trolley.  I did have to inwardly chuckle to myself as she was reluctant to let me help and when I lifted the damn thing it weighed a ton.  It reminded me of the time that Bart helped our neighbour with her 'grocery cart' up the stairs.  I help someone with their shopping trolley on the bus and nearly put my back out!  You have to laugh.

Back home and had quite a bit of paperwork to sort out (will explain that one later) then phoned my Aunt, made my dinner and sitting back relaxing.  I love our little flat.  Well I say little, it is quite big for Central London.  I bought the Glade winter plug-ins today and the flat smells lovely.  I am so looking forward to Christmas this year; I get so excited about just thinking of it.  I can't wait to decorate the flat and Andy is more than happy to let me get along with it.  This is the first time in five years I can even think about Christmas and the thought of me being in London at Christmas just makes me smile and smile.  The Oxford Street and Regent Street lights are switched on 1 November ...... not that I am counting!


Sunday:  Awoke to a beautiful, blue skied Sunday morning as I caught my usual bus up to Hoxton.  Saw some squirrels on the way. It amazes me how many I see.  I now carry some peanuts in my bag on a Sunday to feed them. The Cafe was quiet today but was as lovely as usual.  Such positive energy in this group, I just love it.  Sophie, one of the women who work there was leaving today.  I did not know until I got there.  She is so lovely and has found a job nearer to home.  I will be sad to see her go but good for her.  We all sat and had a chat after the meditation and and I decided, after speaking to some of the group that I need something to keep me grounded between 9.00am - 5.00pm. They really are such a sweet and supportive group. I got the bus and jumped off at St Paul's and went into Maplin as I needed some new headphones. It was so funny.  I plugged them in and switched my iPod on and was listening to AC/DC but with my new headphones it was so loud! It almost deafened me! Back on a bus up and up to Covent Garden to the Astrology Shop.  On the way there a guy from a shop called me over to give me a free sample of some soap and to obviously try to sell me some other stuff.  He assured me that if I were to go home and wash with this my husband would not be able to keep his hands off me.  I explained to him that I did not have a husband.  He then said well your boyfriend will.  I explained to him I did not have a boyfriend.  Then he whispered, did I have a girlfriend.  I explained to him that I did not.  He said, why is this, why is this so?  I laughed and said I don't know, I haven't a clue. We both laughed and I promised him that if the soap worked I would be back to buy up the shop.  I think his stock is quite safe.

The Astrology Shop is such a great shop, they sell everything there. When I was in Thailand last year, Daniel gave me a chakra bracelet, which unfortunately I broke.  Today replaced that and I also bought a couple of crystals to put on my desk.  I can but try.  Covent Garden was so busy, full of tourists.  I walked over Waterloo Bridge, which is my favourite bridge as you can see most of the major buildings in London. I stood there, just watching the world go by thinking to

myself how lucky I am to be living in London.  The stupid smile returned.  The Southbank was really, really quiet. No skateboarders, just some small children playing around.  Leak Tunnel where the art normally is was so very quiet and nothing really happening.  London is in a transition period at the moment; between the end of summer but not yet Christmas.  It feels completely different.

Got myself some Japanese food for my dinner and off back to the flat. I could live on Japanese food, it is so fresh and healthy. However, followed it off with a slice of Granola flapjack thing.  Green and Red (yes I am still on that) made for the morning and here I am writing this. Another weekend come and gone!  The weeks are flying by.

So tonight it was Cosmopolitans and Sex and the City box set - just me and Andy.  I am so tired this weekend, I really do not know what is the matter with me, so I will close this now and prepare myself for the week ahead.

As always, with my love x

I'm free to do whatever I want any old time and I am free to be who I choose any old time (I'm Free - Soup Dragons)

Monday mornings come round far to quick.  I have had a restful weekend and yet I still did not want to drag my sorry carcass out of my bed this morning. This is not good.  I need to do something about it!

Monday:  I am leaving the flat to early still.  I was on the bus at 7.57am.  I know this as all London buses have a clock in them and display the next stop. All this is linked by a GPS system that feeds to the majority of bus stops, telling you what time the next bus is due and also if you are using an App such as CityMapper, your phone will bleep telling you when to get off the bus ...... providing you have set it right.  Obviously, I do not need this feature now as I know where I am going.  But by leaving slightly later, the journey is somewhat quicker as the majority of children have left already.  I arrived at work at 8.40am. I start at 9.00am.  So tomrrow I will leave the flat at 7.50am and see what happens.

Left work at 17.20 and got home 18.00 after the obligatory trip to Tesco.  Oh how I dislike Tesco, yet they rule the roost here. Andy and I sat and ate our meal together.  We don't cook for each other, neither of us would want that. I have had far to many years of deciding what is for dinner to start that lark again. Also, he eats completely different food to me, including meat.  But tonight it just so happened that our meals were ready the same time.  I left work with the mother of all headaches and really should take a tablet for it, but will try to shrug it off.  Andy and I, well me really, have just had a fit of the giggles whilst washing up as Andy can say that long Welsh train station name, you know the one.  I was amazed.  I put it down to him coming from Chester which is virtually Wales.  Anyway, he was trying to teach me and I just kept getting a fit of the giggles. Very childish, but just what I needed.  I do not know what I would do without him same days.

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch

Finished off the evening with a lovely, long chat with my friend Jackie.  Which after the initial seriousness of the conversation, eventually turned in to utter mayhem and laughter.

Tuesday: Well I guess it had to happen sometime.  Words fail me today. It has been a challenging and difficult day for numerous reasons; all of which I am not writing here.  This time will pass.  I know that.  First song I hear on the radio when I get into work was the theme tune from Rosie and Jim.  Meg and I used

to sit and watch that, over and over again!  It was then followed by Sacrifice by Elton John.  That song was number one when I first met JF. Sometimes the Universe can be so cruel.  I sat at my desk, inwardly totally overwhelmed by everything; outwardly looking like a swan, still and composed.  It is funny that my friend Daniel, in Thailand, always contacts me when I need reassurance. He posted on FB and I replied and today he messaged me.  Like-minded souls know this; we just connect.

It is Andy I feel for, he lives this.  We are not a couple, far from it.  Yet in other ways we are a couple.  He has been through the whole fucked up journey with me, virtually from the start.  Whilst you just read this, he is here with me seeing it all pan out and feels totally helpless.  He has tried to readdress the balance on numerous occasions and has been met, like me with the wall of silence.  He gets so angry and so frustrated, but I guess he has every right to do so.  But I feel for him.  So tonight I do did what I do best, went to my room.  The time I have spent in a room over the past few years.  Like I said before, it is a twisted Stockholm Syndrome.   This time will pass and all will become well.

Wednesday:  Hump day.  I have always liked Wednedays.  I was born on a Wednesday. The best day at school when I was older was a Wednesday  I will probably die on a Wednesday.  Thank goodness it was Wednesday.  Too many issues at the moment, mainly focussed between 9.00am - 5.00pm.  That is all I am saying.  Arrived home and breathed.  Quiet night tonight to be honest.  Whilst it does not make exciting reading for you, I have welcomed it.  Andy and I sat and ate our meal then watched the Apprentice.  The one I thought was a sweetie obviously got eliminated the first week! That's me. The finger of doom was on him.  I look at those candidates and think to myself: really?

I started to watch Corrie on my Smart TV catch up thing and fell asleep.  I have slept a great deal the past week and I guess it is a combination of working, stress, dark nights and dark evenings.  But I can hear my Nan say well Karen you must need it!  All is well, this time will pass.

Thursday:  Difficult today.  Things and people on my mind.  Sent positive thoughts all day to a dear friend.  Tonight I met Andy at Vauxhall and we went up to Leicester Square for some dinner.  I received some worrying news from a dear, dear friend that sort of puts everything in my life into perspective.  I will leave that there.  

We had a lovely Italian meal then went to the Odeon at Covent Garden. What an experience that turned out to be.  We went to see Macbeth.  The cinema was

run by a Chinese man and woman but with a south London accent.  We got our tickets and I went to get Andy a drink and the woman said 'what you want?' I said oh just the one beer. Then a guy walked in behind me and she started to serve him and he wanted a ticket to see another film and she said 'Ohhh just one?' in a very patronising voice.  

We walked to the cinema showing our film, and we walked, and we walked and I swear we were going down to the Northern Line. We entered the cinema and it smelt of petrol; it was as if we were under a petrol station or something.  The cinema was, by the time the film started, full.  Totally full.  I love London. The people next to us pulled a bottle of red wine out of their bag and two glasses and proceeded to drink the wine throughout the film.  Most people had a drink with them. It was if we had entered a stealth like session of Alcoholics Anonymous.  The film was ......... interesting.  I loved the music. But it was very dirty and cold looking as in they all needed a good wash and it was filmed, obviously, in Scotland so it was bleak, mountainous and cold.  The plot itself was filmed in such a way that it appeared that the whole events happened over a weekend.  I was obsessed with Lady Macbeath's spot slap bang in the middle of her forehead.  And she cold ever have had sex with him when he was smothered in loads of blood from the battle field I never know.  It no wonder old Mcbeth didn't catch his death from the cold running around in the night to meet the witches, who were a bit odd to be honest, just dressed in his nightshirt.  But the whole evening was an experience.  

Friday:  Nothing exciting has happened to day.  Sad but true.  I cooked a rather tasty three bean chilli, which I will be eating for the next four days unless I freeze it.  Some positive news regarding one of the things that have been playing on my mind this week so that is good.  So it has been a chilled out chilli night with Andy and I watching the Apprentice (part two) and my new found

Sigh ................... All I want for Christmas ....

programme Googlebox.  I was watching it last night with the most adorable and gorgeous Jamie Dornan who I have had my little eyes on since The Fall and last night he did not disappoint as he has his beard back.  Oh there is a God after all.

So I am aware that this blog is a bit flat this week.  I love London and I am so happy to be here.  It has given me the opportunity to rebuild my life and all is well, except one little, yet major component.  I will rectify this.  All is well.

As always, with my love.

Oh, I've been working a week, I'm tired Yeah, I've been working a week and I'm just living for the weekend (Living for the Weekend - Hard Fi)

Saturday:  I did not want to get up this morning when the alarm went off at 9.00am, yes 9.00am.  I was learning, well trying to learn Welsh, at 2.00am.  Don't ask as I will not tell you, well not yet. I went to the hairdressers this morning.  I was so stressed out about finding a new hairdressers and now I just get stressed out about paying for it!  But, she did a great job and I am pleased with it and I guess that is all that matters.

Walked to the supermarket and picked up a few provisions then back to the flat and I am home alone.  I am going to have a quite afternoon and evening as I have been rather busy the last week.  Rugby is on later so I will catch some of that again and then catch up on some trash TV I have missed over the week. I am pleased that I feel I need a quite day as when I was not working, every day was a quiet day.  

On my way home from the hairdressers I walked a slightly different way. My neighbourhood is primarily African.  However, there is a rather large Colombian community and they were out in force today.  It was like being in South America.  To be honest, I had no idea where in South America Colombia was and had to Google it. All I knew was that a great deal of coffee comes from there and that is probably why, when I have been to a coffee bar in my area I had brilliant coffee!  It was like going around the world.  From Africa to South America and back home again.  My diverse, magical, wonderful neighbourhood.

Sunday: Beautiful bright blue skied morning and off on my usual trip to Hoxton. I love that journey. I see so many landmarks on my way. The Shard, London Bridge, the City and her magnificent buildings, Shoreditch Park and the Regent Canal.  The atmosphere at the cafe is always wonderful and I cannot imagine not going on a Sunday.  Had a good chat with some of the regular people who attend then I went for a walk.

I walked east along the Regent Canal the place was buzzing. Plenty of canal side cafes and bars.  It is strange as for the all the years I was in Stoke I missed the river and the sea; and now I am missing canals.  Walking along I come across this.  How great is it it:

People have pre-conceived ideas about London but it never ceases to amaze me. I took two pairs of earrings and said thank you for the kindness of others and continued with my walk.

I have never had much luck with east London.  Firstly, as some of you may recall my first visit there back in July on that fateful day of Meg's potential graduation day.  To be honest, that day is a bit of a haze. Secondly, the purpose of today's visit was to go to Victoria Park to the skateboard park.  Quite a few people had told me how good it was but I really did not want to go for, well for other reasons that some of you may be able to piece together.  However, as

some of you know, I spent almost two years in exile. Not wanting to go out in case I bumped into people and then becoming virtually isolated.  So I needed to prove to myself today that I could go to the east of London, and I did. Unfortunately, there was not much going on at the skateboard park, which was a shame as it looks a really good place.  Plenty of bikers but I do prefer the boarders.  I grabbed a coffee and sat in the sunshine. I had a lovely afternoon, even though I did not take any photos.

Back to the tube, the same tube I arrived at for Meg's graduation.  It is funny (well not really as this is me) how one part of town can hold negative memories. My Meg would have loved living there.  Ironically, I quite like that village and think I would suit living there.  I really, really liked the park and will go back another afternoon to see if there is any skateboard action.

There is a lot of God in London.  I am not sure if it is the same God. I suspect it is and I do not want to offend anyone with this post.  We have the gospel God. He or she must like a lot of noise. You can hear the singing and music booming out of the churches.  He/she must also be a colourful God as the parishioners wear the most colourful of clothes.

Then we have the Jehovah Witness God.  He or she's followers are on every street corner in the week but ironically not at weekends.  They stand there, smartly dressed with a display of leaflets in different languages, but predominantly Spanish for some strange reason.  JW God must be a very sober God as most of the people handing out the leaflets never even smile.

Then we have the Muslim God.  He, and I suspect he is a he, is a lucky God.  He gets prayers five times a day.  There is a Mosque over the road from my flat and there is always people coming and going from it.  Dressed in their bright white clothes.  Only men.  I have never seen a woman leave that mosque. Makes me wonder if their prayers count.

We have the Church of England and the Roman Catholics who will not want to be put together but are for the sake of this blog.  I used to fit into the first of this category but got really disillusioned with the church four years ago.  Well not the church, but in particular the church representatives and their lack of interest or pastoral care.  We have a few churches here, well there is always Southwark Cathedral and St Paul's, Westminster Abbey and others.

I know there are other Gods in London and it makes me wonder with all this love of each individuals beliefs and praise why it is we just can't all rub along together and why, in the name of religion, are there so many wars and tension. Just a thought!

So a fairly quiet weekend but fun nonetheless.  And so starts another week......

As always, with my love x

That a good heart, these days, is hard to find - True love, the lasting kind - (A Good Heart - Feargal Sharkey)

After such a busy weekend Monday was kind of OK. I had a good nights sleep and actually woke up ready to face the week.  Once again, it is a busy, busy week.  I heard this week's song on the radio the other day and I thought that it was kind of significant.  I wonder how many of you started singing it when you read the title?  I particularly thought the following was quite apt and decided that these songs are the soundtrack to my life.  So if this ever gets turned into a film (I am joking) at lease the music score is already there:

I hear a lot of stories (well live them actually)

I suppose they could be true

All about love and what it can do to you

Highest risk of striking out

The risk of getting hurt

And still, I have so much to learn

Go on Feargal sing it my son!

Monday:  I am training for most of this week which means I have a different commute. I had to catch the tube. I did have to smile, we were like sardines squashed in a tin.  Fortunately, I only had to go about six stops and did eventually get a seat but the tube was like an oven. I am training in Old Street and I really do like that village. I could quite easily work that end of town. There is a street with all pop up food outlets which I did look at for lunch, but I don't want to spend £6 a day for lunch.  However, it did smell rather delicious. 

I did have plans for tonight but they were shelved and to be honest, I am quite pleased as I want an early night as this week is going to be very busy.  Two very different, yet equally enjoyable phone calls this evening.  The first one, will

at the moment, remain anonymous but maybe more later in the week. Then I was on the phone for ages laughing, again like teenagers, with Jackie.  It is like our weekly counselling session.  We both just laughed an laughed and at one point we could not breathe as we were laughing so much.  She is planning to come and see me again for a long weekend soon and that will be great.  All is well.

Tuesday:  Strange day today for so many reasons.  The weather was absolutely pouring down one minute then sunny and really warm the next.  I went to the Churchyard and drunk my 'Green' then I had to be in a completely different village for a meeting for work this evening.  I do not do McDonalds so I found an independent 'restaurant' and I use that term very loosely.  All I will say is, I was in Brixton.  So I go in this place, it looked clean, but everything was either chicken or ribs in a wrap, except one vegetarian option of a vegetable wrap.  Well I ordered that and the guy was very polite. I went to take a seat and started to read the paper. He come over and said would I like salad on it so I walked back to the counter with him. He put loads of salad in this wrap, then said oh I will put it on a plate for you, not on this tray and would you like a drink? So diet coke later and my wrap on a plate when everyone else's is on a plastic tray I am sitting there and another member of staff come over and ask if it was OK and did I need any sauces. I was being treated like a Princess in this fast food outlet. It was like I, and I mean just me, were dining at the Savoy. It was as if I was some sort of food

critic.  I kept expecting of one of the Young People I worked with in a previous life to rock up as this 'establishment' was full of young people. It really was a bit surreal to be honest.  But I guess this is what if feels like to a greater extent, if you are a food critic or someone who can afford to eat out at the best restaurants in London; as opposed to a BBQ wrap outlet in Brixton!  It is all rock and roll in London I mean, who needs The Ivy!

Went to my meeting and that was a treat.  I do not want to say much about it but I had to wait in 'Reception' for a while and well what a delight that was.  It is a good job I have worked where I have in a previous life.  Such a colourful array of diversity.  Then I was challenged when walking to the toilet, quite rightly too, and ended up being 'escorted' to the ladies by a rather nice man ............ every opportunity.  The meeting finished at 21.10 then on the bus home, made a cup of tea and went straight to bed.  It has been a long day.

I forgot to mention to you my purchase on Saturday (along with the cacti).  I treated myself to a new light shade for my room. It cost me £3 in B&Q.  This is

the woman who used to delight in shopping at John Lewis and now I am happy living as a student.  As you can (hopefully) see, it is a globe and I can see now as I look up, Australia, New Zealand and Thailand.  Hanging underneath are my two angels I bought a few years ago.  I used to have them hanging off the light fitting in my little cottage and here they are now watching over me as I sleep.  I love my little light shade and it is great to have my angels back.  It is funny how sometimes just the simplest things can bring you the most pleasure.

Wednesday:   And so we start the day with psychic radio. My friend Sarah always comments on my blog and we were talking about her first record which was Ballroom Blitz by Sweet.  Right on queue this morning, on the radio was Ballroom Blitz!  I guess it gave Living in America a break!

Hospital appointment his morning just for some routine bloods.  It is so funny as I could have gone to Guy's for it and as many of you know, that is where my dear old Dad was looked after.  However, St Thomas's is more convenient for my commute so I caught the bus outside of the flat and off I rolled.  I was pleasantly surprised.  A 15 minute wait for bloods then a lovely coffee in the M&S cafe.

On the bus a lovely man and his dog, Pip come and sat next to me.  Pip a border terrier cross and I made a fuss of him.  I got a bit upset as it reminded me of my dear, sweet Hetty.  She was my best friend and like everything else I seem to touch, she had to go as well.  One of my friends, Kim, sent me a link today for the National Trust and she sent it to me, with love.  It is a poem by  
Dr John Cooper Clarke called When The Sea Comes In.

http://www.nationaltrust.org.uk/article-1355902040273/?campid=Social_SharingButton_Email

It really is such a beautiful, moving poem that celebrates my love of the sea. I really do need to go and see the sea soon, it has been far to long.

After work, I went to our local theatre to see a wonderful play called Casa

Valentina. This was with one of my Meet Up Groups.  The play was excellent, quite moving and the time just flew by. The whole theatre was so beautifully

decorated, this photo really does not do it much justice. The Southwark Playhouse really is a little gem in my neighbourhood. They produce such quality work and I really am so lucky to have it on my doorstep.

Thursday:  Dreadful nights sleep and subsequently awoke with a headache. I feel it is going to be another long day as still training.  We it is not really training as I know it like the back of my hand, I guess it is box ticking.  However, it gives me an insight to how other people see the world and to be totally honestly, it terrifies me. 

I am a Virgo (for my sins) and as a trait we are typically organised, methodical and good communicators and it takes us a long while to trust someone and let them in to our lives and God help them if they abuse this privilege.  I have, over the years, tried to work on this; making allowances for others who can't get their act together and I am a great deal better than I ever was in my 'previous life'.  However, it ceases to amaze me how people ever manage to get through a week of their lives, let alone the whole stretch of it.  I have come to the conclusion that they do survive because they have, or are looking for, a significant other to do it for them.  I am not that person. I am no longer that person. Ironically, when I become surplus to requirements I was cited as not being organised and keeping the house and family going; but bossy and controlling.  It is a very thin line, think about it!  I guess I am fiercely independent now because of the cards that were dealt me.  Couple this with being organised is really a complete recipe for disaster to allow anyone into my inner circle.

On a different note, I watched the final episode of Doctor Foster.  Not sure if any of you have been watching it but it is about a woman GP who finds out her husband has been cheating for the past two years with a much younger woman - yes I know, no surprises there.  She has run the family, supported him in his career, earned the money and provided for them. The finale, when she outs him in front of the woman, well the 23 year old woman, he has been seeing family was utterly priceless. To watch him squirm as she unleashed the flying monkeys one by one was painful yet amusing to watch.  I swear next time, because there will be a next time, I get an email, phone call or text message I can see myself drawing on all my medical experience of watching every episode of The Royal (remember that one) ER and Holby City and transforming myself into Doctor Foster with a bag full of flying monkeys, venom and truths! The thought made me giggle one of those evil giggles.  Thinking about it, I guess that is why I could not sleep because I sure was not in Kansas Auntie Em!

Quiet night tonight.  Thought I may have plans; it transpires I did not. So a quiet night catching up on trash TV and chatting. Skateboarders on Holby; FaceTime with an American friend of Andy's followed by a FB link to Leaving on a Jet plane ....................... welcome to my world folks.  A world where the strange is reassuringly normal.  

Had a bit of a moment today. I saw a little girl, around 18-20 months old, with her, I assume mother, walking. It took me right back to my Meg when she was little.  We used to go for a walk and everything was giving her total amazement. She used to say look, look and more, more to everything.  Stopping to pick goodness knows what up from the pavement in utter amazement and joy.  I stood and smiled, patted my shoulder and shred a tear.  One aspect of my life is far from perfect but those memories are my memories and no one can steal them from me.

Friday:  Yay!  Bright, blue sky morning as I write this from my room, looking at The Shard shining in the sunlight.  Today is going to be a good day.  I love Fridays in London, there is something magical about them.  Pepe Pepe Le Phew and I went to a pub in Covent Garden called the Porterhouse.  He has been there before.  We met at our local tube and took the few stops up to Covent

Garden.  We never met until 21:00, that is the way it is in London.  This pub was amazing.  It goes over many floors. There is a cocktail floor but we went down in the basement to where the live music was. And what a treat this was.  I do like live music in a pub.  They had the NZ rugby match on the TV so I thought of you Jackie and wondered if Mal was watching it? PP got the first round in and I wanted Rekordalig and he had no idea what I was saying love him.  He have me his phone, something I must say no gay man would ever do, to write it in.  But unless I put my glasses on, I cannot see a thing.  I said don't worry I will have a bottle of lager. He come back with a pint!  Last time I was on pints of lager was in Amsterdam and that did not end well.  In fact, it ended terribly.

The band were really good and the pint of lager soon went! My round and then I could ask for what I wanted.  The band played songs like Oasis, Pulp, bit of rock and roll, blues, rock and right old mix.  I had a dance, as I do, I love to dance and PP joined in.  Then we started to 'hang out' with a party of people. We were all dancing and really having a great time!  The band finished with Parklife by Blur.  I remember when I lived up north and this song would come on and I would sing it JF and Meg would say that I sounded so southern, especially when it gets to the line 'it's not about you joggers who go round and round and round'.  I cannot tell you how great it was to hear just very, very southern voices singing Blur last night.  Priceless.  

So quite a few bottles of Rekordalig later and new friends who were up from Cornwall visiting their daughter and sister who, ironically worked at Guys we said our hugs (by then because you know me, that is what I do) and kisses goodbye (even PP lol) and we left the pub. PP said to me 'do you always speak to people you do not know?' Sure that is what I always do! I loved it there! We walked along the Strand laughing and talking and got on the tube and then realised we were going the wrong way ........ as you do.  Eventually, got to our home and said our goodbyes and I thanked PP for a really, really brilliant evening.  Got to the flat and I was a bit, em, tipsy! I couldn't get the key in the door, because it was the wrong key.  Three times I had to put the security light on and not once did I realise it was the wrong bloody key!  Up all those stairs to my room.  

Make up off and then I get a text message and subsequent phone call (as you do when you are very young and very, very single) from Wales.  Yes you did read that right, but more, maybe about that later.  We shall see what happens next week. A really great end to a rather dull (well 9-5) week.

As always, with my love x