Destination Unknown - (Destination Unknown - Alex Gaudino)

Well after a brilliant weekend, the inevitable ...... Monday morning.  Fortunately, the sun is shining and I have a four minute walk commute so a good start to the week.  The title of this week's blog come via, as always, my iPod that was doing it's thing. The words of this song are so, so my life.  When I actually heard this song play I thought wow.  So here are the words of the whole song:

I left my job, my boss, my car and my home, I'm leaving for a destination I still don't know
Somewhere nobody must have duties at home, And if you like this, you can follow me
So let's go, Follow me, And let's go

To the place where we belong, And leave our troubles at home
Come with me, We can go
To a paradise of love and joy
A destination unknown, Destination unknown

Now I won't feel those heavy shoulders no more
My life got better now I finally enjoy
Yes all the people wanna come here and so
Come on and join us you can do that now
Let's go, Follow me, And let's go

To the place where we belong
And leave our troubles at home
Come with me, We can go
To a paradise of love and joy
A destination unknown, Destination unknown

We left the city, the pollution, the crowd - well not really that is where I ended up!
The air is clear, the ocean's blue, I love that sound, We're happy for this destination we found

Monday:  Five minute walk commute this morning to attend a meeting and a late lunch resulted in the day flying by.  Also, the bus whizzed through the traffic tonight.  I guess it is because it is half term. I was showing Andy my black and white childhood on You Tube tonight: The Wooden Tops, Andy Pandy and Bill and Ben ................. it answers a lot! Then we both got a fit of the giggles watching Dinner Date when a bloke cooked a summer pudding that just

It looked nothing like this!

collapsed into a pile of bread.  We both could not breathe with laughter, it was hysterical.  More paperwork this evening but all good and finally managed to upload the weekend blog. Apart from that a quiet day but hey, at least the sun was shining.  All is well.   

Tuesday:  Difficult day today.  I guess the top and bottom of it is, I am sick to death of men, and sorry it is men, lying.  This time in a professional capacity which makes a change from it being personal.  Not just one, but two! Unbelievable but I shall learn from it and move on. Managed some randomish act of kindness today.  There is a woman at work who is obviously have a worse time than me so we met for a coffee at lunchtime and then I got her a bunch of flowers (as I do) to hopefully lift her mood, but  feel it may take more than a few cut flowers. Back home, bit of meltdown.  My friend Cherise's timing is either impeccable or terrible, depending on your viewpoint. Waiting on my bed was an envelope containing a card from her and the children saying that they love me to the moon and back.  I just sat on the bed and sobbed.  I think it was a combination of yet another challenging and difficult day coupled with the words on the card and it being sent out of sheer love and kindness.

Rest of the evening was, once again, devoted to necessary but resentful paperwork, interjected by Andy and I having a laugh and rant and a moan. I console myself with moments like now, just sitting on the sofa, listening to the

radio, drinking a cup of tea and looking at The Shard.  This time will pass and all will be well.  But tomorrow is going to be a very difficult day for personal reasons.

Wednesday: It is like a monsoon when I look out of the window this morning.  You cannot see the top of The Shard because of the low cloud and rain.  I love Wednesdays; this Wednesday is going to be completely different. I woke to Whitesnake singing Here I Go Again On My Own. Which apart from the lyrics, reminds me of my dear friend Ann who left this world far too soon (as many people do).  I am not sure if this a good or bad sign.  But it is a sign.

Good news! A dear friend has had a breast cancer scare. We have been waiting two weeks for the results and she found out this afternoon that there is nothing to worry about.  I cannot tell you how relieved I am so I cannot imagine how she is feeling. I got the news as I left a meeting at Brixton and just stood in the street and cried.  It didn't matter, it is London. But such a relief.  Went home after the meeting, I thought stuff it. So more paperwork done but least it has freed up my evening to do ................ my feet!  I have awful feet.  I have toes like a llama and feet that are totally disgusting. I blame my Father, bless him.  I inherited his genes including the most awful looking feet.  So tonight it is soak, cut, scrape and paint.  Oh joy oh joy. See it is all rock and roll living in London. But I don't care tonight about anything; that news this afternoon trumps everything else.  The best news ever.

Thursday: I am so tired this week. I think it is the dark nights autumn thing. But tomorrow is Friday and I am so thankful alone just for that.  It has been a difficult five weeks but hopefully things might change just a little.  As always, I have hope.  I have asked for Friday off as I need it.  No details but trust me I need it.  On Monday I am moving office to just up the road from the flat so I will have a five minute (the most) walk to my desk.  Whilst this may be viewed as a positive thing; I come to London to get out and about.  However, I will clear my head and start Monday morning in a new place - in all aspects.

I certainly gained my Gay Exam.  My new Erasure Greatest Hits CD come today. It is funny.  I saw them in a past life at Wolverhampton and JF went to the loo and a gorgeous gay guy come out as he went in and this guy started chatting to me about how did I enjoy the show and oh weren't they good. Then gave me a hug and a couple of kisses on the cheek and left.  JF come out the loo and said

who was that and even then, I did my oh I don't know (as in I will speak to anyone bit). But tonight listening to this CD it is funny how it takes you to a place where perhaps you do not want your head to be; especially after this week's events as well.  A couple of the tracks reminded me of JF. I guess I just smiled and decided that I needed to make new memories (very much what I have been doing since I arrived in London) around these songs.  But hey you know the saying 'Our Karen has always liked the gays!'.

Friday: No work today! It has been a very difficult five weeks for me; in fact, the most difficult since I arrived in London. Today I had to go to Guy's for a blood test. It was really strange.  This is the hospital that treated my dear old Dad for many years and here I am now some 35 years later repeating his journey ...... crazy.  The woman who did the test was lovely.  She was from Bulgaria and we sat and had a chat.  Popped into the Chapel at Guy's to light a candle and spend some time with my dear old Dad then off to Borough Market just to have a look around.  It was beautiful there, all decked out in Autumnal colours.  But it soon got busy as it is still half term. So did a bit of 'normal' shopping and back to the flat.  Unfortunately, whilst it may have been a day off work, it was not a day off the relentless paperwork I have found myself completing.  But I am making (hopefully) steady progress.  

On the way back to the flat I come across more builders.  Now my friends, builders in London are completely different to builders 'up North'.  You see them just hanging around in their rigger boots and corporate overalls and high viz and hats.  Most of them wear Raybans Aviator sunglasses and look as if they have just walked off the set of CHiPs (remember that programme!).  They hang around outside building sites just looking cool.  On my way back today I saw two builders and sitting next to them, two guys in suits.  They were all eating their lunch.  Not in a greasy spoon cafe but Wasabi which is my favourite Japanese food outlet.  Crazy.  But only in London.

Anyway, ended up going out with Mr France aka PPLP.  We had planned, well he had planned, to go and see a few bands in a pub in Shoreditch  We get on the tube and he wanted to know who do you say someone is creeping up to someone else aka arse licking!  So I tell him that, he shouts it out, the tube look I start laughing.  A normal night.  It ended up with me saying derrière licking and he understood.  Then we looked down the tube and there were three women sitting there with paper bags on their heads.  Yes you did read that right. Just sitting there with bags on their heads.  Only in London.  We found the pub walked in and it was full of 20 year old students, drunk at 21.15, no band and a DJ playing rap.  I could have stayed it seemed ok is but PPLP was having none of it.  Then it started.  My tour of Shoreditch and Hoxton.  We walked, and we walked and we walked.  We walked through a Police showdown in the street, we walked by a toilet just sitting in the gutter (as you do), we found one pub I knew and the band sounded crap. He found a rasta working man's club bar, we ended back at the first pub when I used my extensive French as in deja vu! By now it was 22:55 and I NEEDED a drink.

Any of you who know London we realise how far we walked.  In the end I took control of the situation and we ended up in Bishopsgate opposite Liverpool Street Station in a pub and I got a drink.  It was 23:30. So we are sitting there laughing and drinking and I have no idea what is going on behind me. But it turns out a party behind me had knocked loads of drinks over and the guy, who I must say was very nice, rolls over apologising and asking if he could buy as both another drink.  We both said no it is fine, no damaged done etc but he was insistent.  So we got a free drink.  However, he did refer to Arno as my boyfriend, which did make me chuckle.  We got the bus home and started chatting, well he started chatting to me you know what I am like, to a bloke on the bus who again referred to Arno as my boyfriend.  I thought it was hysterical; I think Arno lost it in translation.  So back home. Arno's flat is before mine so we said our goodbyes with that French kissing on the cheek thing; as opposed to French kissing and I walked home.  Then when I get in at 1:30 I can't sleep and I think it was around 3:00 before I nodded off.

It has been a difficult few days, added to a difficult few weeks. But I will remain optimistic. I mean let's face it folks, I have and continue to survive a great deal worse.

As always, with my love x