You're an accident waiting to happen. You're a piece of glass left there on the beach (Who's Gonna Ride Your White Horses - U2)

My name is Karen and I am an alcoholic.  Well it could get that way before long. Terrible nights sleep after all the gin and finally woke to a beautiful, blue sky day. Hello weekend I am ready for you.

Saturday: Chores this morning. Boring but true.  Then as it was a beautiful day I thought I would go out to the skate park .......... as you do aged 29!  I will give Bart that, he introduced me to an new culture and I really like it. So today I

caught the bus to Stockwell.  Stockwell Skate Park has been there for ages.  My brother used to go and skate there in the mid-eighties.  It is right on the road and it was fantastic.  It had a completely different feel; so urban and also there were many older skaters there.  I thought to myself: beards, boards, bikes oh my! Beards, boards, bikes oh my!  I started chatting to a couple of the skaters and they were really nice and told me other places to check out.  It reminded me of the ballet.  They just smoothly rolled a long, so graceful and seamless - well until they fell off then it was quite scary at times.  

I took so many photos and actually thought to myself another day, another skate park lol.  I mean how old am I? Yep 29.  It was great to be out in the fresh (well not really it is quite polluted) air just

relaxed having a chat and taking some photos.  All good.

I got the bus home to be greeted with the news that we were to have visitors this evening.  Last year Andy and I went to the most amazing ever, and I was sober because I was driving!  So to celebrate their first wedding anniversary Mat and Craig were in London.  They arrived at our flat and we make cocktails, and we made cocktails and we made cocktails then we opened Prosecco x 3 and we danced and sang and had a wonderful time.  I have some amusing photos on my phone boys.  At the wedding last year I 'acquired' two boas and a tiara which I still have so we were messing around with

them.  We had such a great evening. Plenty of laughter, alcohol, singing and tiaras ............. what more do you want for a Saturday night. 

Sunday:  Beautiful blue skied morning (again).  I, unlike some I could mention, did not have a hangover although it felt as if someone had died in my mouth. Usual routine, bus to Hoxton and my wonderful meditation group. Which I have to say gets better each week as I am now getting to know people.  I stayed for brunch and as I was walking back to my seat someone had to move out of my way so I said thank you and then looked and thought, I know you.  Yes I did.  It was Noel Fielding!  How cool is that.  Noel Fielding was at Trews Era Cafe having the same brunch as me which was avocado on toast with scrambled eggs.

Left the cafe, walked along the canal to catch the bus to, yes you have guessed it, the Southbank.  I met Pepe Pepe le Pew there.  The skate park was empty. This is the first time this has happened so we walked to Leake Street tunnel and once again (sorry Sarah) much of the artwork had changed.  So I took some pictures whilst trying to explain to Pepe Pepe what David Cameron has been up to with a pig! Some wonderful art work this week, so I hope you enjoy.

We decided that we would go to Tate Modern to see what we both thought of it. I have been twice and know what I think; Pepe Pepe has been once and he knew what he thought.  The conclusion: we both think it is shit.  But we did have a laugh walking around.  Anything French was fantastic - really! We both thought that some of it was hanging upside down.  There was some art work there that resembled a patten on a cape I have recently purchased.  So I was trying to explain to him what a cape is and he said 'Oh like Zorro' and I burst out laughing.  He remembered the English I

taught him in my drunken state Friday night so when I said something he replied 'No way Sherlock' which I thought was very amusing.  So he has now moved on to 'No shit Sherlock'. He also knows how to say sheet properly as it no longer sounds like shit as shit was used a great deal to describe the art.  We decided that when his nieces come to London at Christmas he needs to get them to do some drawing then we can sell it as it cannot be any worse than some of the work we saw today.

We did laugh, me a bit too loud at times.  OK there were a couple of pieces there that were OK, quite nice in some cases.  But, most of it was, well ..... you can guess the word!  We walked home and then stood talking for ages.  He really is doing well with his English, he does not think so, but he is.  I cannot imagine me doing so well if I ended up in France.  Sometimes I have French Tourettes, when I blurt out a random French word like chat is that cat? Lol.   But I guess it is good for him to have me to chat with and also we both now have a friend each ....... so that is good!

Back to the flat.  I have had a wonderful weekend, which feels like a weekend for once.  So back to school tomorrow.  I will soon fit into a new routine. But all is good my friends, all is good.

As always, with my love X

All the lonely hearts in London (wished they) caught a plane and flew away. And all the best (wo)men are married. All the handsome men are gay! (Supreme - Robbie Williams)

Wow another week rolls out in front of me. Where are they coming from and going to? Time keeps rolling on and so do I.  A really busy week this week.

This week's song popped into my head, which let's face it is rather disturbing. It is a song by Robbie Williams (heart sinks) that bloke from Stoke. I never got him, never want to either thank goodness.  For me, he just confirmed all what I felt of the place ...... vile! I must have met over 50 people who stated that they had babysat him when he was younger. Blimey. I hope Social Services were involved (thinking about it, nah that would never have happened either). As that kid was left with more strangers than is ever good for any one, but subsequently that could answer a great deal. The best story I heard about him was someone's brother at school thought he was a mouthy big head and stuffed him head first into a wheelie bin. Like I say the words popped into my head and I do think all the handsome men, well most of the men, well probably all of the men, are gay!

I also saw this quote this evening by Shakespeare like! It was etched above the bar at the venue.

'I pray you do not fall in love (really, well that is not going to happen ever again. I don't do love ..... Sorry Margaret I will try for you) with me, for I am falser than vows made in wine (or a can of Stella)!' taken from As You Like It Act 3 Scene 3.

I could not really ignore it. The 'messages' for want of any other word, are still coming fast and furious. Much to the amusement of others. There is a theme: cartoon characters sigh! Four to date. That is a message in itself. I just smile, roll my eyes and laugh. In fact perhaps we should have a competition.  Name all four characters and win a prize. All is well.

Monday:  This evening Andy and I went to RADA - The Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts (darlings). No we are not taking to the stage. Though both of us can be very dramatic when the mood fits. Well, perhaps one of us more than the other! We had free BBC tickets to go and see a radio show being recorded.

Went to the bar first and one bottle of lager and the pair of us are being amusing, playing our usual game of 'oh he's nice' 'he's gay' game. Just for the record, I never win, they are always gay! Unless they are a minger then they are surprisingly straight!  I can't remember what the show was called, it's a new show on BBC Radio 4 but that Mel was in it as in Mel and Sue.  It had some funny bits but nothing really hysterical. But hey, it was a free night out what more could you ask.  We were both hungry when we come out so we went and had some OK Italian food. It was a good evening, but strange to be out on Monday night. But hey, this is London. So tucked up in bed listening to some music and writing this.  

Tuesday: I lay in bed this morning just looking at The Shard. I cannot tell you how much that makes me happy. OK rolling over and looking at Hugh Grant or Colin Firth would be better but at least The Shard is real!

This morning I met my French friend who I have now named (thanks to Jackie)

as Pepe Pepe Le Phew. You know, the French little cartoon character (get the link) skunk. I am showing him where the big Tesco is near to us. And right on cue, Chris Evans plays the American National Anthem, I mean really, how random ...... Welcome folks to my world where random, odd ball, strange, weird, spooky, unusual and totally bonkers is the norm!

Met Pepe Pepe in the most torrential rain! We got the bus to Tesco as he want a saucepan and cutlery. I wanted anything green for the flat's new toy.  Pepe Pepe come back to the flat for a drink. The weather was vile.  He does not drink tea or coffee but fortunately I had an old jar of Options lol, so gave him that. Then I remembered that the French normally drink it in a soup bowl. He reassured me that is just for breakfast. Sat and had a chat and I was giving him some idea of places he could go and explore. Then I said have you been to Brixton? He had not. I said that it is like Marmite: you either love it or hate it.  He did not know what I was banging on about so I went and got my Marmite and put the smallest amount on the end of a spoon. Well! What a reaction. I went to get him some water and he was trying to say that he needed to spit it out but could not find the English word for spit lol it was so funny. Pandemonium taking place in our kitchen. I gave him a chewing gum and I was laughing.  He did laugh as well. It was so funny. So now he knows what the British mean when we say it is like Marmite. I was telling him to go and look at like Leadenhall Market. He said is it a market. No. Temple. Is it a Temple. No. You do not realise how ridiculous our language is at times until you try to explain it to someone who does not have English as their first language. Said our goodbyes and I had a quick Vegan lunch of green stuff and then went to check the post and yay! DBS arrived and guess what? I have never been convicted of anything. Really? 

Caught the bus up to Oxford Street and treated myself to new clothes for work. It is a new chapter and I want it to be new. So two lovely blouses, a pair of trousers and a pair of shoes later. Trust me it could have been at least four

pairs of shoes and six blouses. Mmmmm note to self: clothes allowance each month me thinks.  Then to John Lewis. Oh how I have missed that store. And I purchased a juicer. I have told Andy that we need to get our lives in order. Well more him than me but don't tell him that!  So we now have a juicer and I have called it Dante as in Beatrice! 

So tonight I made some green. Kale, spinach, grapes, almond milk, apple, banana and raspberries .................... and it was green. But it tasted ok but can't help thinking some gin may help it but that is not the point.  I have some to take to work tomorrow. I am hoping to move on to another colour by the weekend; perhaps red maybe.  We are lucky here as there are loads of stalls in the market that sell fruit and vegetables so cheap, so we don't have an excuse really.  I have told Andy that by March we are going to be like hipsters in our skinny jeans and tight shirts and he can have the beard and I will put flowers in my hair.  I cannot help thinking we will be having a bike next. But the thought of riding a bike in London terrifies me.  So the plan is Vegan three times a week, smoothie green for lunch.  We can but try. I will keep you updated.

So kind of early night tonight as school tomorrow then straight to the pub.  I may as well start off how I mean to carry on.  New dawn, new day, another new chapter begins.

Wednesday: Work!  I was awake before the alarm, showered, hair make up done, dressed and ready to roll. I left the flat to be greeted by a beautiful blue skied, autumnal morning. iPod playing David Guetta and I was off to the bus stop. I got a bit emotional if I am to be honest. The day had finally arrived. A new chapter.  I managed to get a seat on the bus and just looked out of the window smiling. The bus soon filled up, them emptied and I arrived at 8:20; I needed to be there for 9:00.  I found a lovely independent coffee bar and sat outside in the sunshine, watching the planes come into Heathrow. thinking now I do feel like a Londoner.

Got to my office and met my boss and my colleagues.  Everyone seems very welcoming and spent the whole morning in a staff meeting which was informative.  The day passed really quick and my colleagues seem really nice, so that is a bonus.  I walked to the Overground with two of my colleagues and shared the train for part of the journey with one.  It is funny when you start a new job you are kind of false as I was on my best behaviour.  Wait until they find out what I am really like.

Took the Overground to Shoreditch High Street where it was all happening.  It was like a Saturday night in Hanley.  Well the people looked different. Plenty of beards for me to look at! It was so, so busy. I found the pub and got myself a well earned Gin and Tonic and joined the group.  I had a lovely evening and I was full on, spreading my sparkle and chatting away to complete strangers; as I do so well.  Pepe Pepe le Pew arrived and we all sat there chatting about this and that. It was a lovely evening.  They were a great crowd of people.

I left at 8:15 and my new neighbour (Pepe Pepe) joined me.  We were laughing on the bus about the Marmite incident. Still very funny. Pepe Pepe's flat is before mine so we said our goodbyes and said that we will go for a drink one night at our local instead of going to the International Meet Up and just talking to each other there - kind of makes sense.

Back home. Bin emptied, make up off, fruit smoothie made for breakfast, Marmite and toast and tea made, bag packed for tomorrow, clothes out and breathe.  This week is so busy without work but this is why I wanted to come to London, to meet people and have a social life and I am certainly doing that. Today has been good.

Thursday:  This week is crazy! Work was fine. I met another member of staff and our team seem very supportive. Work out of the way it was on the bus and up to the Royal Opera House at Covent Garden to see the ballet - Romeo and Juliet.  I have always been a lover of the arts but never really had the opportunity to explore it. So now that I can, I am.

The Opera House is such a beautiful building. I collected my ticket from Antony the Organiser, who is a star and went to my seat; which ironically was the one down from the one I had last week for the opera.  I really cannot find the words

to describe the ballet.  The costumes were amazing. The colours, the music but the dancing. It was magical. The dancers were so graceful, flowing, effortless. Mind you I did think that Romeo had the whole contents of my sock drawer stuffed down his pants!

So it was Romeo and Juliet so you know it is not going to end well.  The tragic tale of the star crossed lovers ..... sigh! But it was just so moving; so emotional. I have to confess my bottom lip and chin were wobbling at the final scene when Romeo is dancing with the lifeless body of Juliet because he wants her to come back alive.  It was that moving. I am totally hooked on ballet and will definitely be going to see some more. Back to the flat quick catch up with Andy. Bed.

Friday: Today I was working from another office, the one I assumed I would be working from. The one that is a five minute walk up the road.  But hey, this is me.  Would you expect me to do anything easy? Went well then back home for a quick turn around.  I had an email from Pepe Pepe le phew during the day and we had arranged to meet for drinks at our local. Food, shower, hair wash, make up and out the door. I have to tell you this story. It is a typical Karenism.  He asked me about someone (I will keep this neutral) and I said that they were a bit of a knob! Then I had to describe what I meant about a knob. So Pepe Pepe says OK is this the only meaning of the word knob!  At that point I thought 'shit' I have dug myself in a hole here!  So I showed him a door knob and said this a knob. I was laughing.  We had only walked 200 yards and I had lowered the conversation, not intentionally!  I finally told him that it can mean also a man's penis. But seriously, if you think about it we use words without even thinking of them because we know the different contexts they can hold.  But if English is not your first language you can see it is a minefield.

Got to our pub and had a drink and a good chat and it is great meeting someone from another country as they can tell you so much.  We ended up in

Bermondsey at the lovely gin bar I went to before! Two very strong gin cocktails later my Franglaise was flowing and Pepe Pepe's Engfraise was as well.  It was so funny. We were not both really drunk but obviously had a few and the barriers were well and truly down.  We ended up talking about what happens to Eurostar when it leaves England on the left and rolls up in France on the left, even though they drive on the right. I know. I know.  I had a really lovely, lovely evening. Gin and good conversation and lots of laughter.  A perfect end to an amazing week.

As always, with my love x

I am the one and only, nobody I'd rather be (The One and Only - Chesney Hawkes)

Apologises for such a cheesy title this weekend. But it kind of sums up the purpose of this post.  Normal, good music titles will be resumed next week .... I promise!

I quite like me these days.  For years I didn't like me or my life. As a child and teenager life was at times tough. Don't get me wrong, I was loved by my parents, and in particular my dad, but my Mum made life difficult. I sort of carried that baggage and insecurities through to my early 20's. But you get on with it.  My time in Stoke was blessed and cursed at the same time.  Looking back on it I guess I never really adapted to living in Stoke and that could now answer a lot of questions.  However, once again, you don't always realise it. You build your world and live in it, surrounded by walls that you think will keep you safe, no matter what. I mean what was the alternative? That was far more scary than, as usual, just getting on with it.  When my world was turned upside down four years ago, I hated myself. I blamed myself. The house was full of such negativity and sadness. Sad but true. I am not proud to say it but I guess it has to be said, that there were two occasions I vividly remember that I am fortunate to still be here! I just wanted the pain to go away. I wanted it all to go away. Life was hard and I was hard on myself.

But, in time I started to regroup and rebuild. Slowly at first. When my daughter moved out without a goodbye I thought how much pain can one person take.  Unfortunately, I went on to learn that they can continue to take a great deal more. Travelling was a pivotal turning point. It showed me a world that I had only ever dreamed off. I learnt that I can get on with things, figure things out and that there is nothing to be scared of and if there is, you just don't show it. Hong Kong and Australia was amazing and I come back a different person, a totally different person. On the rare occasions I look back to that time in March 2013 I really do not recognise myself as that same person now. So, within a few days the house was sold and I moved on.   

However, even that could not go smoothly (of course it couldn't). But with the kindness of others I got there. Moving to my little cottage was wonderful.  I used to call it my healing cottage and it certainly was that. From the minute I walked in the door it was as if a warm, fluffy quilt was keeping me safe, absorbing my tears.

I now know that I had to travel to find out about me and I have certainly done that.  I think for the first time in my life (even at the age of 29!) I kinda know me and quite like me these days. I am comfortable in my own skin;something that I have never, ever been.  I am confident with my size and let's face it, this body has served me well over the years. For the first time I can say I like my

curves and use them to my advantage ;)   Meeting people from all around the world, both here in London and whilst travelling has shown me that my place on this wonderful plant of ours is really small and insignificant.  It is OK that I don't understand things like how do the stars stay up there? How does my hair dryer work? And what the hell is algebra about ....... I will never get that one until the day I die (why can't X always be 2?).

What I do know now is that most things I thought were important (except one or two) really are not. Material things just hold you back. Money just makes you greedy for more. OK it gives you choices but what good are those choices if other things in your life are missing? What matters is that I enjoy every second, every moment of my life. Yeah, it has taken a long time (29 years plus), but yep I kinda like me now.  It is still work in progress but I am getting there. Life is good. I am good (most of the time). Oh and let's remember .......... I am so damn fucking cool! :) I think, no I know, my daughter would (if she let herself) like the new me!

Saturday:  Yesterday evening whilst I was at the Opera (how good does that sound) I got a message from Beano who I met at meditation last Sunday.  I almost screamed with joy.  He had managed to get two tickets to see the Dalai Lama at the O2! I had looked at them and they were really expensive. However, I guess he has used his wonderful gift of the Irish gab (he is Irish) and says he just wants £30 for my ticket. How cool is that. I am so excited about it.  It is like Christmas Eve all over again as a kid.

I arrived at the O2 on the most glorious, blue skied morning. The place was really busy. I did think to myself that I would never find Beano then I turned

round and he was there.  He hadn't seen me either! How crazy is that?  We said our hellos and made our way into the arena.  I have been to the O2 plenty of times but not actually in the arena. I could not believe the seats he had found for us.  He said that he had got them on Gumtree and would not take the full amount for the ticket, (which was a lot more than £30, I gave him £40 in the end, after he kept saying no, but you know what I am like Little Miss Independent) which was so kind.  We had talked last week when

we met at the Meet Up about this event and I said that I could not justify spending loads on a ticket because I am not working. It was very, very kind of him.  The seats were brilliant and we both thought it was a surreal experience sitting in this huge arena waiting for the Dalai Lama. Then he appeared. He is the most inspiring person I think I have ever seen. His small in statute body, filled the stage with joy and happiness. He has the most amazing (dirty) little laugh and is so relaxed and humble. His talk was on compassion. It really was something special.

At first, it was difficult to tune into his dialect, but it all come together.  He had a guy standing beside him to help him with words he did not know in English. But really, this guy is 80 years old and speaks very good English.  He said so many things that just hit home for me.  We, as humans, have the gift to be kind, so why don't we use it. Even if we get rejected or others let us down or do

not feel the same way as us, it doesn't matter. Just be kind. Two things he said have stuck in my mind. The first that beauty and make up are skin deep. He said that girls should tone down the make up (everyone laughed) as it is about your heart and your soul that matters. Beauty is not a face or a perfect figure. It is what is within that matters. I experienced this in Thailand when my friends in Bangkok used to say to me that I was beautiful as I had a good heart.

He also said, after he was presented with yet another 80th birthday cake, that every day is like your birthday. We have the ability to be reborn every day and to celebrate this.  I thought back to Monday, on my birthday.  I had the most lovely day, on my own (and that didn't matter as we should not rely on the happiness of others to make us happy) a perfect day.  I will try to remember this when life is being tough. He was amazing. So simple but positive thinking. I felt truly, truly blessed by being there. Me being me, just wanted to take him home with me, make him a cup of tea and sit and chat to him for hours, asking him all types of questions that were then, and still are, rattling around my head.

We left the arena and Beano was craving for a cigarette (bless). We got outside the arena and there were some Tibetan people singing so we went to have a look.  It was a big crowd. I stood listening to them singing, then turned around and he was gone! I did not have his number, he only has his Canadian phone (he has just arrived in London from Canada). I waited and looked but the crowd was so big.  So I messaged him on Facebook. I waited a bit longer then made my way, with the crowd to the tube. He called me via Facebook and he had waited but then gone to a restaurant as he was hungry. I thanked him once again for a great day and hopefully I will see him again in a few weeks back at Hoxton. But like I have said previously; people come into our lives for years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes or even seconds but nothing is by accident. People are sent to us when we need them or they need us.

I got off the tube at London Bridge and decide to walk from there as it was still a beautiful afternoon.  I cannot believe I have heard and seen the Dalai Lama. Now that would never have happened in Stoke. But I have seen the Dalai Lami thanks to the kindness of others (Beano). I feel very blessed. My this has been an eventful week in more ways than one!

Sunday:  There is something rather lovely about my Sundays these days.  I remember before I moved, that Sundays were a terrible day. So long. Nothing happening. I never saw a soul.  Not now.  I am up and out of the flat by 9:00am.  Today I got off the bus at Hoxton two stops further on and walked along the canal.  It was such a beautiful morning.  Arrived at the cafe and I really feel part of that little group now. Such a peaceful place and the staff who work there are so sweet.  Meditation was, as always, wonderful. It really does ground me and I need to reconnect with my meditation practice as I really do feel better for it. I stayed for brunch (thank you Michelle and Sophie) which was home made baked beans, which were delicious on toast.  Fully stuffed, at peace and contented I walked back along the canal to the bus stop to get the bus to Waterloo.  

Sat on my bench reading my book and felt really content. I saw the Spitfires (I think they were anyway) fly past up the Thames,they looked magnificent.  I sat reading for about an hour and half then went up to take some photos of the

skateboarders.  I really enjoy watching them, who would have thought that. I then went to take some more graffiti photos and once again, the whole scene had changed.  The artwork there is truly wonderful.  I did not want to go home as I was having fun and the weather was so lovely.  I walked back to the Southbank and stood again watching the skateboarders and then sat again on my bench, just watching people go by and the looking at the boats going up the river.

Decided to get the bus back and as I walked to the stop I saw Paul.  Some of you may remember Paul.  I saw him a couple of weeks ago, just sitting there. I do not like using the word begging.  He

remembered me and was surprised that I had remembered him.  I stood talking to him for quite awhile asking how he was doing and I gave him a couple of quid. He seems a really nice guy and I guess none of know where life is going to take us. I know that more than anyone.

It has been a truly wonderful weekend. I have done some amazing things, things I never would have thought in a million years I would do.  I feel truly blessed.

As always, with my love x 

I'm free to do what I want, any old time (I'm Free - The Soup Dragons)

I guess the writing was on the wall even before I was born.  I arrived into this world at 23:20 in the middle of an horrendous thunder storm.  Obviously, I was totally oblivious to this, but it does make you wonder.  I sort of don't really like storms much even to this day.  I weighed 7lbs 6oz (sigh) and can now put that on just by looking at a cake.  Apparently, and some of you will not be surprised to hear this, I was a strange child as I used to sleep with my eyes open, wander around the house and speak in my sleep.  Yep, still a nosey cow now, never wanting to miss a thing.  Just Little Miss Curious!

Happy Birthday to me .............. this year I am 29!

I'm trying my best!

Monday: I told myself 'Not today DBS, not today'! Not even going there.

So here it is again.  My birthday. Mmmmm.  I decided that I was going to start off this year how I intend to continue it.  So I made tea (in a teapot), best china and milk in a jug and went back to bed to open my cards like the Princess I am.

So I am sitting here, in bed, drinking tea looking out of my window at The Shard. Life really does not get much better.  I saw a little card yesterday, which I obviously bought, which says 'Always wear your invisible crown'. Andy gave me a card that has a Princess on the front and a badge that says 'I'm the Birthday Princess'.  To be honest, I am totally overwhelmed by the wonderful birthday cards and wishes posted on Facebook.  I am suppose to be crying less lol.  But they are happy tears. Then this arrived on Facebook - how true is this. Get out of your comfort zone and if it is only just the once, go travelling on your own. You will never look back - trust me!

First stop this morning was to go and have ten minutes at Guy's Chapel.  This place is dear to my heart as my Dad died at Guy's Hospital and I spent a great

The Lady of Shallot - Waterhouse (we have this print in our flat)

deal of time in that chapel. Then off along my favourite walk. I walked along the Thames and then had fifteen minutes on my favourite bench at Waterloo Bridge. I just love that walk.  Then further along the Thames, over Westminster Bridge. Past the Houses of Parliament and along Millbank to Tate Britain. When I lived in Stoke I would often think about spending an afternoon just wandering around this place.  So today I did.  I went to see my girls. The pre-Raphaelite paintings that I just adore.  I just sat there, listening to Mozart Clarinet Concerto in A Major (I want this at my funeral, please note), looking at

Ophelia - Millais 

the magnificent paintings and trying not to cry at all the wonderful posts on Facebook.  I really could not have wished for a more perfect day. 

I then took myself off to the cafe for Afternoon Tea: scones, jam, cream and pot of Earl Grey - bliss.  It was a perfect end to a perfect afternoon. Sitting there, watching the world pass me by.  

Afternoon Tea - One of my favourite things to do

  It has been a really perfect day and thank you all once again for all your kind words and good wishes.  I am feeling very loved.



Tuesday: Well after such a great day yesterday I guess it was inevitable that I would crash and burn today.  I could really do with a hug. I miss this more than anything! I think it was because for years I used to normally hug those I was supporting ........ I know, I broke all the rules under the umbrella of compassion.  I have just rang, again, the DBS and it is like walking through treacle.  I don't know why I bother, it just drags me down. And still, in the back of my mind is that little voice that says ............... I am not even going to waste emotional energy on blogging about it.  Needless to say, excuses, excuses and excuses and nothing has still changed! 

Received a beautiful bouquet of roses and freesias from my dear friend Cherise. They are so lovely; so I cried some more. Not a good day today but that is the price you pay for a great day yesterday.  Did nothing today. Didn't feel like it. Finally, went to bed at 19:00 wishing for the day just to end. I will have to get a grip tomorrow.

Wednesday:  Well I fell asleep around 23:00 and did not wake once, so that is a result if nothing else.  I was going to catch a bus and go and look over the area where I am suppose to be working ..... sigh! But the weather forecast today pretty much matches my mood - gloomy.  So I will have to do something. I need to get out of this flat today, if only for a few hours.

Years ago I read an article in the Guardian where they asked a 'celebrity' (oh how I hate that word) about many things one which was 'what would they like to be remembered for'.  It got me thinking then and today I have had that in my head. Years later I still have the same response.  I would like to be

remembered for being kind. That's all.  I know there are now people reading this who don't have a good word to say about me and would smirk at this comment and add a few words of their own.  But, I try to be kind. The only thing I need to work on this plan is that I cannot expect others to be the same as me.  That is not because I am looking for the same in return but just some common courtesy would be a start. I remember, recently, having a conversation with someone about manners and they said that their Mum would have had words with them as a child and even now if they did not call people Sir or Ma'am and were respectful (it was Bart the American). I guess that is the answer, for people to be respectful.

Birthday greetings to a fellow Virgo who shares the same birthday with me

Someone wrote something so lovely about me on my Facebook page on my birthday.  This person shares the same birthday as me and we always promised each other that, wherever we were, we would always share a toast for each other on our birthday.  This year, this person is in a completely different place from where they were last year; a far better place, if not ideal.  They said that I had helped them in their darkest moments by just being me. It made me sob then, which was a bit embarrassing as I was at the Tate Britain and it is making me cry now.  Kindness does not have to cost a thing. Random acts of kindness are wonderful and can be so rewarding to watch.  So please, just be kind.

Also, on my birthday, my dear old primary school friend (yes you did read that

right) gave me the most wonderful present.  A photo of me aged around 15 years old.  This is so great as I don't have any photos of me as a child (well very few, but that is another long story) so this was brilliant. Some of you may recall that I met up with Karen a few weeks ago after far too many years to mention. This photo really made me laugh because it looks just like me still and also, I still do that thing with my nose, even now.  Priceless.  I was just delighted that they were in colour!

Oh if I knew then what I know now, I wonder what, if anything, I would have changed? That is something to think about next time I cannot sleep.

Went to register with the Dentist this morning and got an appointment for .............. tomorrow morning! I can't complain about that. Called in the library to get some reading material and just made it back home before the heavens opened for the whole day.  I decided that I would watch To Kill A Mockingbird on Netflix.  By now you all know I do not believe in coincidence and once again, this was confirmed this afternoon.  

One of the main characters in this film/book is called Boo Radley.  However, at the end of the film you learn that this is a nickname and his real name is Arthur Radley .......... sigh! I am saying no more because I do not want to name and 'shame' people on here, but please trust me when I say this is an almost identical name to someone else who has past through my life recently. Unbelievable.  Needless to say it has given Andy and Jackie a huge giggle this afternoon and they both believe that you really could not make it up!  Even Andy who does not believe in all this waffle.  The Universe is really having a good old giggle with me at the moment. It is all good.

So yet another quiet day reading my book, listening to music whilst watching the rain pouring down!

Thursday:  Dentist first thing and that was an experience.  Talk about high tech!  Two xrays that were displayed on the screen for me to see.  Teeth really are amazing things you know.  All OK.  Need a sealing thing on two of them so have to go back but I was very impressed. The dentist was lovely, she introduced herself and her colleague to me and explained everything in very simple terms, asking if I had any questions.  I was very impressed with with it all.  Especially when they said I only have to have an examination every 12

months.  Suits me and saves me some money. I even remembered this time not to put on any lipstick before going as normally I come out of the dentist looking like a very rough Heath Ledger as the Joker with lipstick smeared all over my chops....... not a good look at any time!

I then got on a bus and did my journey to work.  The bus is not the quickest route but it is the cheapest so it will have to do for a bit. It is also the most convenient as in I can catch a bus just over the road and it will drop me off right outside of my office.  I went to explore the area nearby and was pleasantly surprised to find a Debenhams (this is very exciting and saves me going to Oxford Street), Monsoon, M&S clothes and food, Sainsbury's (medium one), Waitrose (thank you) and a Whole Foods which almost had me fitting at the sheer joy of having one of those near to me!  Such excitement.  The bus there took me 25 minutes and back 45 minutes but the driver was fuffing around.  So fingers crossed it will be OK.  I also had email today from my pen pal at the DBS who said certificate is now being printed. About bloody time. Still slightly cautious until I actually get it as there is still that little voice in my head.  BUT, this is a good thing and I will focus on the new chapter of my life that is about to start!  It is all good.

So I have noticed over the past week or so that the boys are now growing their

Sigh ..... very appealing!

hair.  The hipster look is changing and evolving into the very pleasing on the eye, Genghis Khan meets Russell Brand (sigh) look.  Shaved sides with a ponytail top knot.  Very appealing. Still a bit of beard thing going on.  I keep telling myself that I must carry some hair bobbles around for emergency repairs if or when it becomes necessary.  I am thankful that I still meet guys with hair! Oh I do like London, there is always something to look at ;)

So those of you in Stoke you heard it and saw it here first ............... start growing your hair guys!

Rocked off to the pub for the International Meet Up.  To be honest, I did not want to go but I had a word with myself and off I trotted. I walked in and my heart just sunk. Before I knew it he was there, that Tom.  Remember: I had a therapist once called Karen.  I thought in my head 'Not today Tom, not to fucking day'. Oh he says I know you we have met before. I was not rude but I was certainly not sprinkling any sparkle. He remembered me, and so he and others should I am 'awesome' 'cool' and bloody lovely. I made some excuse that I was going to get a drink and avoided him like Ebola!

The problem, as blogged before, with this group is that there are about 4 women to every 25 men.  Now, normally, this would be an advantage ............ trust me, it normally is not in this group ... sigh.  My French friend was there so we spent the evening together chatting.  I did have to smile when he said that he had been to John Lewis (big tick for that) to be a new shit. I asked him to repeat it, a shit. Then I realised it was a sheet! I tell you, it is like that old TV programme Mind Your Language.  Anyway, as you know I do not believe in coincidence and guess what. He has moved to the street next to mine. Of course he as! How big is London for goodness sakes! Which means I cannot just nip over to Tesco without make up now. Really! Look at the size of London. What is it with me? Answers on a postcard to .........

Anyway I taught the French guy some English: bonkers, mad as a box of frogs which I thought was quite appropriate with him being French. Sheet, Duvet which is the same in French. I did explain to him that it is a French word.  It was a good laugh and we were the last to leave as the rest of the group had gone home.  At least it meant I had someone to walk home with ...... literally. Can you believe that, the next street! Arthur Bradley ..... that is totally, totally bonkers that one! Swiss Air over my head all the time, England V Switzerland at football.  It is exhausting, but amusing. Oh well it gives you all a good giggle if nothing else.

Friday:  Today I have scrubbed our flat from top to bottom (except Andy's room which is his responsibility). Voile washed, windows cleaned, bathroom shower curtain washed, every room cleaned within an inch of it's life. I am exhausted now, but the flat looks lovely and dust free. Little tip here.  If you are looking for a partner/flat mate/friend go for a Virgo we are generally obsessed with cleaning and having everything in its place. I quite enjoyed it actually. 

London is grey one minute and blue skies the next today. You can really tell Autumn is slowly creeping up on us. I quite like it now if I am honest. It means you have to grab the sunshine as and when she shows her beautiful face and then make the most of it.

So tonight I went to the Royal Opera House at Covent Garden to see Mozart's The Marriage of Figaro.  It is ironic that I used to walk past this building most

lunchtimes when I worked in London, but I had not actually been in.  I have also never seen an opera until this evening.  I was totally taken back by the whole experience. The Opera House itself is beautifully stunning. I sat on my chair and I felt like a Princess (seriously). It is absolutely beautiful.  The lights dimmed and the first movement of music is one that will probably be familiar to you all. I sat there, watching the stage, listening to the music and I cried.
I cried because I remember, on numerous occasions, listening to this, in my room, whilst my whole world was falling apart around me. But here I was, at the Royal Opera House in Covent Garden listening to the same piece. I could not

believe it. I had to pinch myself to make sure it was not a dream, honestly. I just sat there memorised by the whole experience. It was astounding. Totally. In the break I took myself of to have a little look at what goes one. You could obviously get a drink.  There was plenty of Champagne and Processco flowing. You could sit at a table and have a light

meal: smoked salmon, chicken and salad.  Then there was a private restaurant, which obviously I did not go in. I decided to have an ice cream as the amount of people at the bar was ten fold. I chose a ginger ice cream and it was lovely

I went back to my seat for the second part, which was equally amazing as the first two acts. The opera itself was three hours long; two 1.5 hour parts made up of two acts per 1.5 hours. But the time just flew by. I did not want it to end. There were people there in jeans and shirts, people in dinner jackets and ball gowns and me in my black trousers, top and black jacket. I think if I go again I will have a not so little black dress to wear for the occasion.

Left the Opera House and Covent Garden was alive. So many people. I love it. I had my crazy smile on my face and some bloke said 'Hey baby, you have a lovely smile', he had obviously been drinking.  Rolled down to Tesco as one does

after the opera and got a loaf and milk (nothing changes). Then caught the bus home; over Waterloo Bridge, past Waterloo Station and the Old Vic to home. It was the most wonderful experience and I really cannot wait to go again.  But, there are better things coming my way tomorrow and tonight it feels like Christmas Eve when I was a kid.  I do not think I will be getting much sleep tonight as I am too excited about tomorrow.  More to follow .................

As always, with my love x

Paper cup of the boat, heaving chest of the sea. From the place we were born, to the land of the free (Blanket of the Night - Elbow)

New dawn; new day.  I slept like a baby.  Think my 'confessional' has helped. Yet when I look at the news, the images of those people travelling north, fleeing from goodness knows what, my troubles just pale into insignificance.  This

movement of people, who have left everything, to flee terror, really is difficult to comprehend. I have just seen the most moving image of a couple, using crutches to slowly move, step, by step, on their journey to move north. I cannot imagine their fear or pain.  Awful!

Today Andy and I are going to march in solidarity for these people.  It is just a little thing but those of you who know me will know that I will have to do something.  Part of me wants to just go out to Serbia or Hungary and just help these people but that is Little Miss Spontaneous.  So, the march in London is at least something.

One of my favourite bands Elbow have the most amazing song that sums up the journey many of these people take to keep safe.  It is called Blanket of the Sea. I heard them sing this when I saw them play live in Liverpool.  It was so moving then and seems even more significant now.  The lyrics are so emotionally beautiful.

Saturday:  I cannot tell you how difficult I have found watching the news recently.  People, leaving their homes, friends, families and walking north because they feel terrified in their own land.  I have read things that you don't

see on the BBC News of ISIS throwing gay men off buildings; because they are gay.  What would you do if this was your life? Would you stay where you were or would you try to stay alive?  Today Andy and I went to use our democratic right to protest.  

We went up to Marble Arch and there were crowds of people watching the news that Jeremy Corbyn was elected as the leader of the Labour party.  There was initially 

some confusion as to where the march was to start. The details of this were posted on the Social Network and I think the organisers were not expecting as many people to turn up.  I said to Andy that me and him would be no good if we were fleeing anywhere as we couldn't even figure out which way to go in the park let alone over Europe.

There were thousands and thousands of people there from all countries and walks of life.  There were families with small babies in arms, elderly people

walking with sticks, people from other countries, different languages being spoken. It was amazing and it has restored my faith in human kindness. There was a drumming band playing and the atmosphere was electric.  I was marching for humanity.  I am a human being and everyone deserves a safe life.  It is as simple as that.  We walked along, I kept taking photos - I hope I have done well. I wish I could have captured some of the atmosphere and shared it

with you.  But I know some of you were with me in spirit.  I do not know what the answer is to this crisis; but I do know that you cannot just sit back and do absolutely nothing.  We are all human beings.

We decided that we would make our exit and made our way back to the flat. We were both rather tired so went to our separate rooms to have a rest.  So here I am lying on my bed writing this and watching the place I have just been now being broadcasted on the news.  There were many times when I was living in Stoke that I wanted to come down to London to march, to make my voice heard. But, because of the train fare, it was not possible.  Today London did not fail me.

So tonight we are rocking off to Greenwich to see an immersive theatre

performance called Heartbreak Hotel.  I have not experience immersive theatre before so it should be an experience.  I cannot believe how much Greenwich has changed over the years.  It really is looking rather lovely. The theatre was a wonderful experience.  We had to check in, as you do in a hotel then we went to get a drink.  The bar was an old container unit and was so high, I could not see over the bar itself. The barman was lovely and said that because we looked so small (as the bar was so high) he needed ID.  That is just what I want to hear on the edge of a birthday.  I opted for some pale ale called something or the other from America, a craft beer.  It was OK but I didn't think I would get a pint of the bloody stuff.  I could not drink it all; and that is not me.  We sat outside waiting to be called in, taking photos and being rather childish.  We were looking around

at the 'couples' there deciding who was on a date, a first date, or who were just friends.  

We were called inside of the theatre.  For those of you who do not know, immersive theatre is very much what it says; you are part of the play.  You do not sit down, you move from scene to scene of the play.  Each room/story/act of the play tells you a scene and you move from scene to scene; you do not have a seat, you are part of the play.  It was so good. Obviously, the clue is in the title Heartbreak Hotel - the play was about heart ache and love ......... great really cheered me up! No, seriously it was really good and would love to go and see something similar in the future.

We were both tired as we had walked miles and it had been a busy day, so we decided to just go back to the flat.  We ended up getting a portion of chips each

and retiring to our respective rooms/bed for a midnight feast.  I am living like a student I tell you. Needless to say, so much walking, a bit of alcohol, fresh air and chips I had, once again a good nights sleep.

Sunday: Woke just before the alarm this morning. The day before my birthday is one touched with sadness, again through the thoughts and actions of others. It is three years ago that I last saw my Megan.  It makes me cry still just to type this.  She was in a foul mood and was stomping around the house.  I said to her that it will time for her soon to go to University. Up until this point, no one had told me when or where she was going.  She just gave me a dirty look and stormed out of the room.  I said to her well 'Fly my pretty, fly' and she screamed what did you say, so I repeated it and she just laughed.  That is the last time I saw her.

The next day was my birthday, I was up early and left the house to meet friends to go to Liverpool for the day.  I had a great day, lunch and some cocktails - it was great. I really brilliant day, just what I needed.  I got home and found an empty house. They had moved Meg out on my birthday. All her clothes had gone, her books, her music stand and clarinet ..... everything.  I later found out that things she did not take with her had been put up in the loft, out of sight. Nothing of her remained in the house.  No one told me. They must have realised I was off for the day as it was my birthday and moved her out.  I was devastated, totally devastated. How cruel can people be?  What would I have to done to deserve that? But, even though it still hurts and even though I still cry over it (crying now whilst typing this) there is nothing I can do about it but live with it.  But they knew what they were doing and doing it on my birthday I guess says more about them than me.

Up and out on my little bus up to Hoxton.  This morning on my journey I saw 8 

different squirrels, can you believe that. I also saw, slap bang in the City a film set for a 1900's production.  Actors were all dressed up in costume and there were old cars and buses around.  It was so surreal.  I was early today so took a

walk around and found the canal. So sat on a wall, by the canal watching the joggers and listening to Morrissey who was kind of summing up the day so far. I arrived at the cafe and chose to sit somewhere else, just to jog things up a bit. The girls who work there now, Sophie and Michelle know me now and I sat and had a lovely chat with Sophie.  I just have to say at this point that a song has come on the radio Heaven, Bryan Adams and I am now sobbing my heart out. Why does music do that to you? It is the words to this beautiful song and I guess it does not help with me just typing the above.  Andy thinks I am in melt down bless him.  Anyway, back to Hoxton.  Wonderful, as usual, meditation session.  I got chatting, you know what I am like, to a guy called, well he has chosen his nickname for this blog so we shall call him Beano. I have to be honest here, and my apologies if you are reading this Beano, but I struggled at first to tune into his dialect.  There are so many languages/dialects/accents in London, I love it, but your ears do have to adjust.  Beano is Irish.  We had a lovely chat about life and stuff and he mentioned (and I had already seen it) that the Dali Larma is at the 02 on Saturday.  I had looked at the tickets on the 02 website and they were quite expensive but he had seen them on the Dali Larma's own website and they were a lot cheaper.  He put his name in my little black book and I gave him one of my cards and hopefully we can figure something out between us to get tickets to go and see him.  London just keeps giving and giving.

Treated Andy and I to some carrot cake to take away and said goodbye to the guys in the group and the staff in the cafe and made my way home. Quick five minutes and Andy and I were off out again for a lunch.  As it is my birthday it was my choice so we got the bus up to Holborn and went to a place called Belgo.  There are a few of them around London. Believe it or not, they are a Belgium chain of restaurants that specialise in mussels, fries and beer. Happy days.  I had a huge pot of mussels, with onions, garlic, white wine and cream (yum, yum). Andy had half a chicken with BBQ sauce and we both

had fries.  We had to giggle as Andy's beer was Blanche de Bruxelles and mine was called Bieren Slag.  Make your own mind up!  The food was wonderful.  I love seafood and that is why I could never be a vegetarian for real. 

On the bus, fully stuffed, back to the flat to play on the Xbox for a couple of hours. Tea and cake and now we are going to have a couple of Cosmopolitan cocktails and a couple of episodes of Sex and the City.  It has been a wonderful pre-birthday weekend. I have been spoilt and enjoyed every minute of it.  I cannot stop repeating myself when I say I just love living in London.  I am so happy to be here. Who would have thought it this time last year.  I guess that is why we must never say never.  None of us know what the future holds.

I am going to leave you with some more photos from the March on Saturday. These images were taken with Beatrice and what I have learnt is I have so much more to learn. But it is a start.  Regardless of what your political, personal or emotional views are on the 'migrant situation', Saturday restored my faith in human kindness and compassion.  I do not know what the answer to the crisis is; but what I do know is that to sit back and do absolutely nothing is not the right thing.  

As always, with my love x