I'm free to do what I want, any old time (I'm Free - The Soup Dragons)

I guess the writing was on the wall even before I was born.  I arrived into this world at 23:20 in the middle of an horrendous thunder storm.  Obviously, I was totally oblivious to this, but it does make you wonder.  I sort of don't really like storms much even to this day.  I weighed 7lbs 6oz (sigh) and can now put that on just by looking at a cake.  Apparently, and some of you will not be surprised to hear this, I was a strange child as I used to sleep with my eyes open, wander around the house and speak in my sleep.  Yep, still a nosey cow now, never wanting to miss a thing.  Just Little Miss Curious!

Happy Birthday to me .............. this year I am 29!

I'm trying my best!

Monday: I told myself 'Not today DBS, not today'! Not even going there.

So here it is again.  My birthday. Mmmmm.  I decided that I was going to start off this year how I intend to continue it.  So I made tea (in a teapot), best china and milk in a jug and went back to bed to open my cards like the Princess I am.

So I am sitting here, in bed, drinking tea looking out of my window at The Shard. Life really does not get much better.  I saw a little card yesterday, which I obviously bought, which says 'Always wear your invisible crown'. Andy gave me a card that has a Princess on the front and a badge that says 'I'm the Birthday Princess'.  To be honest, I am totally overwhelmed by the wonderful birthday cards and wishes posted on Facebook.  I am suppose to be crying less lol.  But they are happy tears. Then this arrived on Facebook - how true is this. Get out of your comfort zone and if it is only just the once, go travelling on your own. You will never look back - trust me!

First stop this morning was to go and have ten minutes at Guy's Chapel.  This place is dear to my heart as my Dad died at Guy's Hospital and I spent a great

The Lady of Shallot - Waterhouse (we have this print in our flat)

deal of time in that chapel. Then off along my favourite walk. I walked along the Thames and then had fifteen minutes on my favourite bench at Waterloo Bridge. I just love that walk.  Then further along the Thames, over Westminster Bridge. Past the Houses of Parliament and along Millbank to Tate Britain. When I lived in Stoke I would often think about spending an afternoon just wandering around this place.  So today I did.  I went to see my girls. The pre-Raphaelite paintings that I just adore.  I just sat there, listening to Mozart Clarinet Concerto in A Major (I want this at my funeral, please note), looking at

Ophelia - Millais 

the magnificent paintings and trying not to cry at all the wonderful posts on Facebook.  I really could not have wished for a more perfect day. 

I then took myself off to the cafe for Afternoon Tea: scones, jam, cream and pot of Earl Grey - bliss.  It was a perfect end to a perfect afternoon. Sitting there, watching the world pass me by.  

Afternoon Tea - One of my favourite things to do

  It has been a really perfect day and thank you all once again for all your kind words and good wishes.  I am feeling very loved.



Tuesday: Well after such a great day yesterday I guess it was inevitable that I would crash and burn today.  I could really do with a hug. I miss this more than anything! I think it was because for years I used to normally hug those I was supporting ........ I know, I broke all the rules under the umbrella of compassion.  I have just rang, again, the DBS and it is like walking through treacle.  I don't know why I bother, it just drags me down. And still, in the back of my mind is that little voice that says ............... I am not even going to waste emotional energy on blogging about it.  Needless to say, excuses, excuses and excuses and nothing has still changed! 

Received a beautiful bouquet of roses and freesias from my dear friend Cherise. They are so lovely; so I cried some more. Not a good day today but that is the price you pay for a great day yesterday.  Did nothing today. Didn't feel like it. Finally, went to bed at 19:00 wishing for the day just to end. I will have to get a grip tomorrow.

Wednesday:  Well I fell asleep around 23:00 and did not wake once, so that is a result if nothing else.  I was going to catch a bus and go and look over the area where I am suppose to be working ..... sigh! But the weather forecast today pretty much matches my mood - gloomy.  So I will have to do something. I need to get out of this flat today, if only for a few hours.

Years ago I read an article in the Guardian where they asked a 'celebrity' (oh how I hate that word) about many things one which was 'what would they like to be remembered for'.  It got me thinking then and today I have had that in my head. Years later I still have the same response.  I would like to be

remembered for being kind. That's all.  I know there are now people reading this who don't have a good word to say about me and would smirk at this comment and add a few words of their own.  But, I try to be kind. The only thing I need to work on this plan is that I cannot expect others to be the same as me.  That is not because I am looking for the same in return but just some common courtesy would be a start. I remember, recently, having a conversation with someone about manners and they said that their Mum would have had words with them as a child and even now if they did not call people Sir or Ma'am and were respectful (it was Bart the American). I guess that is the answer, for people to be respectful.

Birthday greetings to a fellow Virgo who shares the same birthday with me

Someone wrote something so lovely about me on my Facebook page on my birthday.  This person shares the same birthday as me and we always promised each other that, wherever we were, we would always share a toast for each other on our birthday.  This year, this person is in a completely different place from where they were last year; a far better place, if not ideal.  They said that I had helped them in their darkest moments by just being me. It made me sob then, which was a bit embarrassing as I was at the Tate Britain and it is making me cry now.  Kindness does not have to cost a thing. Random acts of kindness are wonderful and can be so rewarding to watch.  So please, just be kind.

Also, on my birthday, my dear old primary school friend (yes you did read that

right) gave me the most wonderful present.  A photo of me aged around 15 years old.  This is so great as I don't have any photos of me as a child (well very few, but that is another long story) so this was brilliant. Some of you may recall that I met up with Karen a few weeks ago after far too many years to mention. This photo really made me laugh because it looks just like me still and also, I still do that thing with my nose, even now.  Priceless.  I was just delighted that they were in colour!

Oh if I knew then what I know now, I wonder what, if anything, I would have changed? That is something to think about next time I cannot sleep.

Went to register with the Dentist this morning and got an appointment for .............. tomorrow morning! I can't complain about that. Called in the library to get some reading material and just made it back home before the heavens opened for the whole day.  I decided that I would watch To Kill A Mockingbird on Netflix.  By now you all know I do not believe in coincidence and once again, this was confirmed this afternoon.  

One of the main characters in this film/book is called Boo Radley.  However, at the end of the film you learn that this is a nickname and his real name is Arthur Radley .......... sigh! I am saying no more because I do not want to name and 'shame' people on here, but please trust me when I say this is an almost identical name to someone else who has past through my life recently. Unbelievable.  Needless to say it has given Andy and Jackie a huge giggle this afternoon and they both believe that you really could not make it up!  Even Andy who does not believe in all this waffle.  The Universe is really having a good old giggle with me at the moment. It is all good.

So yet another quiet day reading my book, listening to music whilst watching the rain pouring down!

Thursday:  Dentist first thing and that was an experience.  Talk about high tech!  Two xrays that were displayed on the screen for me to see.  Teeth really are amazing things you know.  All OK.  Need a sealing thing on two of them so have to go back but I was very impressed. The dentist was lovely, she introduced herself and her colleague to me and explained everything in very simple terms, asking if I had any questions.  I was very impressed with with it all.  Especially when they said I only have to have an examination every 12

months.  Suits me and saves me some money. I even remembered this time not to put on any lipstick before going as normally I come out of the dentist looking like a very rough Heath Ledger as the Joker with lipstick smeared all over my chops....... not a good look at any time!

I then got on a bus and did my journey to work.  The bus is not the quickest route but it is the cheapest so it will have to do for a bit. It is also the most convenient as in I can catch a bus just over the road and it will drop me off right outside of my office.  I went to explore the area nearby and was pleasantly surprised to find a Debenhams (this is very exciting and saves me going to Oxford Street), Monsoon, M&S clothes and food, Sainsbury's (medium one), Waitrose (thank you) and a Whole Foods which almost had me fitting at the sheer joy of having one of those near to me!  Such excitement.  The bus there took me 25 minutes and back 45 minutes but the driver was fuffing around.  So fingers crossed it will be OK.  I also had email today from my pen pal at the DBS who said certificate is now being printed. About bloody time. Still slightly cautious until I actually get it as there is still that little voice in my head.  BUT, this is a good thing and I will focus on the new chapter of my life that is about to start!  It is all good.

So I have noticed over the past week or so that the boys are now growing their

Sigh ..... very appealing!

hair.  The hipster look is changing and evolving into the very pleasing on the eye, Genghis Khan meets Russell Brand (sigh) look.  Shaved sides with a ponytail top knot.  Very appealing. Still a bit of beard thing going on.  I keep telling myself that I must carry some hair bobbles around for emergency repairs if or when it becomes necessary.  I am thankful that I still meet guys with hair! Oh I do like London, there is always something to look at ;)

So those of you in Stoke you heard it and saw it here first ............... start growing your hair guys!

Rocked off to the pub for the International Meet Up.  To be honest, I did not want to go but I had a word with myself and off I trotted. I walked in and my heart just sunk. Before I knew it he was there, that Tom.  Remember: I had a therapist once called Karen.  I thought in my head 'Not today Tom, not to fucking day'. Oh he says I know you we have met before. I was not rude but I was certainly not sprinkling any sparkle. He remembered me, and so he and others should I am 'awesome' 'cool' and bloody lovely. I made some excuse that I was going to get a drink and avoided him like Ebola!

The problem, as blogged before, with this group is that there are about 4 women to every 25 men.  Now, normally, this would be an advantage ............ trust me, it normally is not in this group ... sigh.  My French friend was there so we spent the evening together chatting.  I did have to smile when he said that he had been to John Lewis (big tick for that) to be a new shit. I asked him to repeat it, a shit. Then I realised it was a sheet! I tell you, it is like that old TV programme Mind Your Language.  Anyway, as you know I do not believe in coincidence and guess what. He has moved to the street next to mine. Of course he as! How big is London for goodness sakes! Which means I cannot just nip over to Tesco without make up now. Really! Look at the size of London. What is it with me? Answers on a postcard to .........

Anyway I taught the French guy some English: bonkers, mad as a box of frogs which I thought was quite appropriate with him being French. Sheet, Duvet which is the same in French. I did explain to him that it is a French word.  It was a good laugh and we were the last to leave as the rest of the group had gone home.  At least it meant I had someone to walk home with ...... literally. Can you believe that, the next street! Arthur Bradley ..... that is totally, totally bonkers that one! Swiss Air over my head all the time, England V Switzerland at football.  It is exhausting, but amusing. Oh well it gives you all a good giggle if nothing else.

Friday:  Today I have scrubbed our flat from top to bottom (except Andy's room which is his responsibility). Voile washed, windows cleaned, bathroom shower curtain washed, every room cleaned within an inch of it's life. I am exhausted now, but the flat looks lovely and dust free. Little tip here.  If you are looking for a partner/flat mate/friend go for a Virgo we are generally obsessed with cleaning and having everything in its place. I quite enjoyed it actually. 

London is grey one minute and blue skies the next today. You can really tell Autumn is slowly creeping up on us. I quite like it now if I am honest. It means you have to grab the sunshine as and when she shows her beautiful face and then make the most of it.

So tonight I went to the Royal Opera House at Covent Garden to see Mozart's The Marriage of Figaro.  It is ironic that I used to walk past this building most

lunchtimes when I worked in London, but I had not actually been in.  I have also never seen an opera until this evening.  I was totally taken back by the whole experience. The Opera House itself is beautifully stunning. I sat on my chair and I felt like a Princess (seriously). It is absolutely beautiful.  The lights dimmed and the first movement of music is one that will probably be familiar to you all. I sat there, watching the stage, listening to the music and I cried.
I cried because I remember, on numerous occasions, listening to this, in my room, whilst my whole world was falling apart around me. But here I was, at the Royal Opera House in Covent Garden listening to the same piece. I could not

believe it. I had to pinch myself to make sure it was not a dream, honestly. I just sat there memorised by the whole experience. It was astounding. Totally. In the break I took myself of to have a little look at what goes one. You could obviously get a drink.  There was plenty of Champagne and Processco flowing. You could sit at a table and have a light

meal: smoked salmon, chicken and salad.  Then there was a private restaurant, which obviously I did not go in. I decided to have an ice cream as the amount of people at the bar was ten fold. I chose a ginger ice cream and it was lovely

I went back to my seat for the second part, which was equally amazing as the first two acts. The opera itself was three hours long; two 1.5 hour parts made up of two acts per 1.5 hours. But the time just flew by. I did not want it to end. There were people there in jeans and shirts, people in dinner jackets and ball gowns and me in my black trousers, top and black jacket. I think if I go again I will have a not so little black dress to wear for the occasion.

Left the Opera House and Covent Garden was alive. So many people. I love it. I had my crazy smile on my face and some bloke said 'Hey baby, you have a lovely smile', he had obviously been drinking.  Rolled down to Tesco as one does

after the opera and got a loaf and milk (nothing changes). Then caught the bus home; over Waterloo Bridge, past Waterloo Station and the Old Vic to home. It was the most wonderful experience and I really cannot wait to go again.  But, there are better things coming my way tomorrow and tonight it feels like Christmas Eve when I was a kid.  I do not think I will be getting much sleep tonight as I am too excited about tomorrow.  More to follow .................

As always, with my love x