Look at the title to the blog! I heard this on the radio the other morning. The first song I heard; I wasn't even out of bed and the radio was doing its thing! I mean really? The Universe never fails to amaze me. Psychic radio! Had a slight melt down last night when Coca Cola stuck the knife in by showing the Holidays Are Coming advert. Talk about kick a girl when she is down. This used to be, in my past life, the pre-cursor to the start of the Christmas holidays. I told Andy that I will be like this, on and off, between now and Christmas. It is always the same. He understands. He get angry at the injustice of it all. I guess he just does not like seeing his friend upset. The grief just washes over me. I wish it wouldn't, then in some kind of strange way, I am pleased that it does. It shows
me that I can remember and that I do still care and the pain and the hurting makes it all real. Well I know what I am trying to say! Saturday: This morning I awoke to snow. Snow in London. OK it was not exactly a blizzard, but for those of you who do not know, I do not do snow! My friends in the north had blizzards last night and I guess the fact that I said this was yet another reason why I am pleased I am no longer living there, may have had an impact on the snow moving south. Karma my friends; karma. Any ways like most things in life, it did not last long. It come with such a promise and failed to deliver. Leaving just a grey, cold soggy day. I am writing this form my bed, where I am snug. I will, eventually, drag my sorry carcass out of my warm little pit as I have things to do to day, places to go and hopefully, people to meet.
Taken at Guy's
I forgot to mention my dream. I had a lovely dream last night. I was 'hanging out' (remember that?) with Noel Gallagher and we were getting on like a house on fire. We were laughing and joking and holding hand and hugging. We went to the O2 to see Example in concert. What is that about!?!?! I do not have any Example music on my iPod. I woke at one point and snuggled down and I was back with Noel and his guitar lol we were having a blast. Perhaps that is what I need to be looking for, a Noel Gallagher lol. Sandie Shaw haunted me all day: Bank of Zurich,
Toblerones (everywhere!), Lindt chocolate and even swiss chard .... I mean sigh! Then we had buses to Bow Church, Victoria Park, Victoria Park Road, skateboards (sigh), Hackney, the bus to Walthamstow, Borough Market and vegan food, iPod doing it's thing. That song was really an omen for the rest of the day. But I had a great day. Firstly, off to my new super dentist to see the hygienist. I did moan about having to pay for this separate but boy did she do a good job. She worked on my teeth for 30 minutes, drilling, poking, scrubbing
and scraping. They ache like hell now; but what a job and well worth paying for. I then called into the chapel at Guy's as it was so near, and had a few minutes with my dear old Dad. Lighted a couple of candles and then went to grab a coffee. It was like the whole world had descended on London today and not one of them knew where they were going or what they were there for! Met up with my friend Sarah. She is off on her travels again on 1 December so we have to make the most of the time. We caught the bus that was going to Walthamstow (of course we did). We got off at Hackney (of course we did) and
Jellied Eel Shop
went to Broadway Market. I really liked it there. It had a good feel about it and there was an authentic eel and liquor shop there. How cool is that. Well it is quite disgusting but you know what I am saying. I was looking for my one Christmas present; needless to say, I never go it. But Sarah and I had a laugh and the food and alcohol, albeit not much alcohol, took the edge off the coldness.
Back on the bus and guess where we ended up? Yes, Shoreditch. I always gravitate back to the East; Bow, Mile End, Victoria Park, Hackney, Hoxton and Shoreditch. We had a great time walking around Spitalfields (again) and got some excellent food. I had a wrap with cous cous and it was lovely. So no dinner for me this evening. We ended up in a hipster type bar (of course we did) and had a drink. It has been so cold today in London. The wind has been bitter but it has been a good day. Back home, heating on, and curled up on the sofa, music on, candles on and chill time. Sunday: It is funny how my Sundays are now. I get up at what some would consider is an early start, shower, little make up and get the bus up to Hoxton
to the Trews Ere Cafe to meet my friends and to meditate, chat, eat and drink tea. It eases me into my Sunday. It was so cold this morning. A beautiful blue sky but so cold. So it was purple hat, coat, boots and gloves. Just as the bus got to London Bridge there was a road rage incident with a bloke in a car driving like a, well you fill in the gaps. At the lights he got out and started yelling abuse to the bus driver. I thought to myself, have I got to intervene here. I didn't have to. I love the journey through the City of London every Sunday. This part of London from Monday to Friday is normally so busy yet on a Sunday it is like a ghost town. So peaceful. I got off the bus and I walked along the Regent's Canal, with the joggers going round and round. Such beautiful start to the day. The cafe was warm and welcoming, as always. But outside there was a film crew making the film A Street Called Ben. So many vans full of technical equipment and wires and stuff. Normally, it is so quiet but not this morning. Had a lovely morning chatting to the people who attend the group. They really are a lovely crowd and I do feel part of the group now and this is why I have come to London Two women who attend were telling me of a wonderful shop in Soho and Islington run by a guy called Paul Young; not the one who laid his hat and that was home. He is a chocolatier and makes the most amazing chocolates and chocolate brownies. The girls were saying that these chocolates are the best. So I will, for Christmas, treat myself to some. So watch this space. After meditation I walked into the shop next door to buy a pretzel and it was the film set lol. I hears a voice say Miss, Miss you cannot go in there. It looked like the shop to me! So funny. All the people in the shop were actors and I had walked onto a film set. But hey, that is me. Walked through the park and
The film set - yes it looks just like it normally does!
waited for the bus home. I wanted to go out to an exhibition today; yet I really could not be bothered. I know, sad but true. Back to the flat and I have chilled and watched American Horror Story all afternoon. Same old, same old. I am losing my patience with the main characters. I mean why would you stay in a house like that. I had to sell my last house and I had to stay there. I was desperate to sell it. That was like a Staffordshire Horror Story but that was tame compared to the stuff happening in this TV series. Saying that, there were plenty of times when I could have quite easily buried a body under the gazebo ............. but moving on.
Andy was a little star and cooked macaroni cheese, with broccoli and parsnips and it was absolutely delicious. I was so hungry and had seconds. I love it when he cooks for us and he makes a wicked mac and cheese. Belly full and heating on equals a very lazy and relaxed Sunday. I looked at the calendar yesterday and I cannot believe how many weekends are left until Christmas. Next weekend for me is so busy and the one after will be in December and that means I can start decorating the flat. I was trying to explain to Andy about the Elf of the Shelf but he didn't seem that bothered. He will be when I have sprinkled my sparkle and turned our lovely flat into Santa's Grotto. So a lovely weekend has been and almost gone. But all is well.
The heating come on this morning and it woke me up! But I had a good nights sleep so it was no big thing. Grey morning over London as I look
out of my window. The start of another week. It will fly by; no matter what happens. The key is to make the most of every minute of it - regardless. Every day is a fresh start, a new beginning. It gives a chance to start over. Unfortunately, I know of so many people who would like to be here now, moaning about another Monday morning. So open your books my friends at a new chapter of a new week in your amazing lives. Monday: Monday morning and all it's delights come and went and so did the afternoon. Back to the flat and dinner cooked and consumed and a quiet night. I learnt something new tonight. Andy taught me maths. As many of you may or may not know, I am absolutely crap at maths. I mean crap. I failed spectacularly my maths 'O' level not once, but twice. With unclassified at both attempts. I think they only gave me some marks for spelling my name correct! Tonight some mmmmm years later, I learnt about BODMAS. I had never heard this before in my life. I thought he was banging on about Bodmin in Cornwall. Andy wrote some sums down for me to do. I cannot tell you how anxious I got when I saw them. I was petrified. I obviously have PTSD when it comes to sums. I remember my dear, sweet Meg and maths. She was brilliant at them. God only knows where she got that skill from. At least that is something I cannot get the blame for! So tonight I did maths. I was so pleased with myself and Andy was so patient and such a good tutor. It is no wonder I failed my exam so many times, I had no idea you had to look at the sums in the bracket first and do them. No one ever told me there was routine to all this malarkey. So here are my sums. I am quite proud of myself to be honest. But have no desire to do many more thank you very much. 4-3 (5+2) = -17 6x6 (4-1) = 108 2(7+3)-6(8+1) = 108 See everyday is still a school day. Mind you I am a bit dense at times. I only learnt a few years ago that the sun is a star and now, thanks to Andy once again I know who goes round what. The moon goes round the earth and we all dance around the sun! I guess I don't need to know all these things and when you get to my age, 29, you need your hard drive rebooting to make room for stuff that is important, not stuff that will never be used. I think I will stick to what I know and do best and that is not sums! Tuesday: Today's homework was Excel. I detest Excel. However, I need to start to like it. I had to devise two (very simple) forms for work. So tonight I sit there, tongue hanging out (I do that when I concentrate) concentrating on these forms. I am a lot better than I used to be, thanks to Andy, and tonight he once again gave me a lesson. I have to say I was rather impressed with myself and also I now have done them for work tomorrow. So go me again. Quiet night just chilling and watching some of The West Wing. It also dawned on me that it is almost Christmas and I really better get organised. I have one family present to buy and I do not have a clue what to get this person. If I had made the connection I could have looked when I was walking around Brick Lane on Sunday. But, doh! I did not give it a thought. Well I better see if we all survive Barney the storm first. I did smile when I saw it's name as we used to have a rabbit called Barney. He was a dear, sweet little rabbit. We used to leave him out of his hutch all day; letting him explore the garden. It is funny, as I said the other day, all these memories are stored in our hard drives, really to be recalled as and when we need them. Wednesday: Moving to London was one of the easiest yet toughest decisions of my life. But one of the best ones I have ever made. I have been buying into a lifestyle. A life that gives me choices, opportunities and new adventures. The
past few weeks, for numerous reasons, I have let this slip. I do not think, after all these years, the 9.00 to 5.00 lifestyle suits me and I know this is something, eventually, I will have to address. Whilst I will always remain 29 in my head, I guess, as much as I do not want to admit to it, I am not 29. If I had been a few years younger, I would have applied to live in Australia. But that option, one that had considered so many times throughout my life, is now closed to me. But that is the way it is. Things happen, when they happen. I have no regrets, how can I. But I need to now start to focus on my life here in London. I need to be here for at least a few more years. Every time you move home, it costs so much money. I am not making that kind of money that gives me so many choices. I do not think Winter helps. I have never been a Winter person and think I have that SAD thing; coupled with the run up to Christmas which, for the past four years have been so painful and difficult. Yet, here in London, I have the tools to build something. So I think I need to go back to the tool box and the manual and start rethinking what I really need to be building!
Well the toolbox never got out. Barney (not the rabbit love him) put stop to that. It was a very wet and windy night in London, plus it is a week to pay day and I am living like a student. It is amazing what you find lurking in the freezer and cupboard when you have to. Plus, I want to save my last bit of money to enjoy at the weekend.
It is all good, I am trying to stay positive and then the psychic radio sends me a reminder that the Universe is listening. It sent me the title of this week's blog. Another Robbie (sigh God help me) Williams song but one of my four favourites and I am sure the other two will emerge at some point! There are so many lines in this song that hit a nerve: 'Come and hold my hand, I wanna contact the living. Not sure I understand, this role I have been given. I sit and talk to God and he just laughs at my plans. My head speaks a language I don't understand'. I saw the perfect job for me advertised today. A Volunteer Manager, the role was to recruit and train volunteers to work with children in Thailand. My heart skipped a beat. Then I read all of the job description and I had to be a devote Christian. I am not. It was a Christian charity. God laughed, literally, at my plans. Back to Robbie: 'Cos I got too much life, running through my veins, going to waste'. Indeed I have. But society puts a label on me because of my birth certificate and to some extent, because of my gender. Only certain people can see through the social construction that has been built around me. Back to Mr Williams: 'Scare myself to death, that's why I keep on running. Before I've arrived, I can see myself coming'. I guess we are all running away from something. Then good old Robbie Williams goes in for the final kill, right at the end of this song 'There's a hole in my soul, you can see it in my face, it's a real big place'. Many of you know what the whole in my soul is; and many of you can see it in my face, no matter how much I try and yes sure, it is a real big place. This aside I get comfort from my psychic messages. It reminds me that there is so much going on that we can, if we just open our eyes, be part of. The Universe is listening to me and for that I am thankful. Thursday: Almost there. There are so many exhibitions I want to see at the moment in London: Alex Soth (Photograher) at the Science Museum, Jamie
Hewlett (Artist) at the Saatchi Gallery, The World Goes Pop (Art) at the Tate Modern. I will aim to cross one of these off my list this weekend. I am amazed I managed to survive in Stoke for so long without all this wonderful art and culture. There is no point getting angry over it, that time has been and gone. But it got me kind of thinking how people go out of your life for various reasons, negative things they state that they do not want in their lives especially from you. Then they continue to build the same life, in the same place, with someone else. I have no intention with just making do any more. OK my requirement list is extensive and so it should be. I have always done with making do, all my life; next time, and there will be a next time, it will be different. Really challenging day today and it is not a full moon. I did have to wonder but hey tomorrow is Friday and that is always a cause for celebration. Tonight's tactics is to spruce things up a bit. I am fed up of being told I am nice and can we be friends. Or conversely, someone just looking to have a one night stand! So my new response to messages is: Congratulations on reaching Stage One of your application to be the next man to disappoint and piss me off! Kindly advise me if you wish to proceed to Stage 2 of your application! .................... I wonder what makes you think I really cannot be arsed with it all! Friday: Wide awake at 4.30am .... I mean, really? Give the girl a break. But it is Friday and that is always cause for celebration. I will take a late lunch, around 15:00 and grab a coffee and that caffeine fix will get me through the latter part of the afternoon (hopefully). Awful end to the week and finally got home just after 18:00 and poured myself a big glass of dry white! I had to go to Tesco (sigh) after work. It was so busy for a Tesco Metro it was heaving! Then the scanner thing would not work, sigh. I leave there with three bags, headphones in and was stopped by two women who were speaking to me in Spanish. I took my headphones out and looked at them and one of them said 'Oh aren't you Spanish?' Believe it or not, not
everyone in our neighbourhood are Spanish. They were from the Church of the Later Day Saints ...... Mormons. I explained to them I had no faith and they gave me a card anyway. Why do Mormon's have lovely teeth? The Osmonds are Mormons and look at their teeth. Two big glasses of wine and I am back in a good place. I also need to say that the Winter coat is on as the temperature has certainly dropped and I did hear the word 'SNOW' mentioned on the weather forecast. So it is the weekend. I am pleased I am not out tonight; my heart is not in it. However, I do have some plans for the weekend so all is well.
The weekend is here and normally I just live for the weekend, but my mood is still down and I need to get a grip. Andy and I had a good chat last night about my Nemesis. Well he was ranting and getting angry (he always does), really angry, I cried (I always do) ............... so here is another day full of opportunities, sparkle and joy! Saturday: Spent a great deal of the night watching the news about the tragic events in Paris. I know I am being naive, but why oh why can't we all just get along? What has happened in Paris is terrible. I cannot imagine it, nor do I
want to. It is only time for London, I know that. But people have to continue to live their lives without fear of what may or may not happen. If anything were to happen to me whilst living here in London, I was living my life to the full and my time was up. I remember when I first left school I come to work in London. This was the era of the IRA bombing campaign (do the maths, I am 29) and the whole city was on edge. My dear Nan was really angry with me choosing to work in London. I tried to explain to her that, even then, we are living in dangerous times, but we need to live our lives. Ironically, some 35 years later (still keep doing the maths, remember I am 29!) here we are again! Do we ever learn? Then just to make me feel better, I have a patch of red skin under my left eye which looks as if I have a shiner. I think it is dry skin so went to bed last night with it covered in cream. I think I will have to just wear my sunglasses and look mysterious ........ or bloody stupid! I decided to do neither. My eye is a lot better but the news and weather is not! Today will be a PJ and duvet day....... because I can. I could have a Meet Up tonight but it is in Highgate, which for London, is miles away. Pay day is some 11 days away so I am budgeting and prioritising; I will not be going to the Meet Up and it is OK. I finally got showered and dressed at 13:50. Vegetables prepared for our pre-Sunday lunch later and I have just kicked back today; because I can. The weather is suppose to be dry but colder tomorrow, So I will wear my new cape and my black hat (then I wont have to wash my hair!). It got me thinking
about the good things, and yes there are some, about Winter. So here we are: candles, winter coats, hats, scarves, boots, jeggings, leggings parsnips, Brussel sprouts (love them), vegetable Sunday dinners, duvet days, PJs, home-made soup, casseroles, slow cooker, baths, my lovely winter duvet and lazy days. All that nonsense aside, I am still a sunshine girl at heart. Our evening meal was wonderful, a pre-cursor to my Christmas Lunch I think. A lazy evening to a lazy day. We just sat and watched a film on Netflix. So a lazy day but hey what the heck! Sunday: Terrible nights sleep (again), things on my mind. Made my way to my meditation group. I was early, so spent some time sitting in Shoreditch Park, just watching the world go by. I had some peanuts left in my bag for the squirrels so decided to give them to the birds. It was like a scene out of The Omen. I was surrounded by Rooks. Around forty of them. I did think, just for one minute, if one of these birds poop on me I am not going to be happy. Especially after the events that evolved the last time I was shit on (well by a bird at least). Arrived at the Trew Era Cafe and was greeted by a little dog. One of the women who work there had brought her little dog in: Poppy. She was a dear little soul. I spent ages making a fuss of her. Sat having a talk with the other people there then did our meditation. I so enjoy this group and that time I spend there.
There is something just so calming and balancing about it. Did not stay long as I had to make my way to Haggerston to meet my friend Sarah, who has just returned from 12 weeks in Iceland, the States and Mexico. Whilst I was waiting for her I took some photos. London looks so lovely with the Autumn colours. Met with Sarah and we got on a bus and made our way to Chatsworth Road Market, which is in the East of London, Hackney. We had a good old natter and it was great to hear about her trip. It just makes me want to travel more.
From Chatsworth Road we made our way back over to Shoreditch. It is funny, out of all the places in London I seem to gravitate to the East. Typical. So many 'challenging' memories in Bow and Mile End but that's where I tend to end up. We got of the bus at Shoreditch High Street and we both fancied (yet again) some mulled wine. We made our way to Brick Lane Boxpark. I liked it there. There were many independent stalls, selling many vintage things and home made crafts and food form all around the world. We found some Mulled Wine, which I must say, like Avocados, I now enjoy. There was a demonstration of Japanese food being made and the guy approached us to see if we were interested. I must admit it did look rather lovely. We looked at the menus and it was all meat so Sarah says to the guy 'oh she (that is me) is vegetarian'. Well she may as well have said that I was Attila the Hun! He just looked at me and walked away. It was so funny. We wandered around Brick Lane and made our way over to Old Spitalfields Market which now is, once again, a market selling, craft, handmade items, food and stuff. Such a beautiful building and such a good example of Victorian
Architecture. It never ceases to amaze me how small London really is. This market is just a five minute walk from Liverpool Street Station, one of the main trainline routes into the City. The old traditional, mirrored with the corporate, money generating City. Spitalfields used to be, up until 1991 a market for fruit and vegetables but sells many things. I did see a rather nice dress there, which was quite expensive (for me). The guy selling it was helpful but pushy and I do not like that. Also, there was really nowhere to try it
on and if I am spending that sort of money I want to have some privacy whilst I decide if I like it or not. We shall see. Once again, like most places in London, there was food everywhere from all around the world. It is a wonder I am not the size of a market. Sarah had an amazing looking cookie dough cake, but I am not really a sweet tooth person. She said it was lovely and it certainly looked it. I have probably put on 4lbs just watching her eat it! By then we needed a sit down and found a bar and had a drink and just sat chatting away. We then made our way home and I left Sarah to get the
Overground from Shoreditch High Street and I went home on the bus. A busy, busy day but a lovely day and it is so good to have her back, albeit only for a few weeks until she goes a wandering again! Andy and I just chilled in the evening and we started to watch our new box set. We have now finished Sex and the City and we treated ourselves, on Ebay, to the box set of The West Wing. Three episodes in and it is as good as it has always been. We both were tired and went to bed around 22:00. I fell straight to sleep and slept round until 5:30 but then was wide awake. But hey, for me that is a brilliant nights sleep. So a strange weekend. Sadness, disappointment (yet again), reflection; new memories, friendship and laughter.
'I see my path, but I don't know where it leads. Not knowing where I'm going is what inspires me to travel it' Rosalia de Castro
Monday: Monday mornings come round far too quickly. I have had a brilliant weekend but here she is again Monday morning. Today will be challenging. I have always spoken out against injustice and this morning I am doing this. It has put me in a difficult position but I feel I need to be supporting someone who is going though a difficult journey. Unfortunately, by doing the right thing normally results in it being the most difficult thing. Today was no exception. I left work at 19:15 and started to make up the time I lost this morning. Back to the flat. I had texted Andy asking him to put some jacket potatoes in the oven. Ate them, watched Gogglebox. But to be honest I did not feel much like
laughing. Andy had brought us some chocolate love him. My favourite, chocolate orange. It is so nice to have someone at home just to be there when you have had a challenging day. I washed up, put my washing away and went to my room. Not much fun tonight to be honest. So the best place for me is my room whilst I figure it out. Facebook kindly reminded me today that four years ago today my memory was that I had a 30 minute conversation with Megan. I posted what I would give now just to have that once again. People kindly wrote some lovely things. But I live with living death every single day and as time passes it just gets more and more difficult. As Margaret posted: 'As a good friend of mine would say .... This time will pass!' (this is what I always say). But I guess that this is the top and bottom of it; this time is passing and this time I will never, ever get back. And that kills me each and every day. Tuesday:
I awoke this morning before the alarm. I guess it was because I was safe in the arms of Orpheus. No that is not a new bloke! Google it if you don't know. So I made myself a sneaky cup of tea and went back to bed for half an hour. This is my mantra for today, the picture on the left. This time will pass. And so it did. The time past and I left work at 5.30pm and back to the flat for some food. I was hungry tonight as I had not had lunch; just wasn't hungry, so why eat. Home alone this evening so catching up with numerous phone calls. The chores can wait until another night. Just sitting here tonight, listening to some music, writing my blog and watching The Shard. I still find it amazing that I am living in London and that, above all else, still makes me smile. Wednesday:Strange nights sleep. Woke at 3:44 which makes a change from 3:33 and could not get back to sleep. Two rounds of peanut butter on toast, on bread that had seen better days, a cup of tea and an episode of Lewis, I nodded back off. I was dreaming of Enya songs! Yes I know, stay with me. The alarm goes off and guess who is playing on the radio? Queen! Lol, no Enya's new
song, of which one of the lines are: 'Everything flows, here comes another new day'. Welcome to my world. Considering I had a crap nights sleep, but Lewis was good (that is the programme not another bloke!) I feel ready to face another Humpday. Where are the weeks going? Firstly, it was 9.30am; next it was 1.00pm! Crazy. Home early night and into my leggings and top and chilling night tonight. We are going to order a curry tonight as it is Diwali. Strange day today. Once again, out of the blue I get a text from the past. A different past this time. Why is it you never get a text from the past from the person you want it to be? Or even someone from the present! Ipod is doing 'it's thing again'. It is on random play and it is totally tuned into my soul. I had to go somewhere with a colleague this afternoon and it transpires that he went to the same University as some one once in my life. Studied the same subject as that person and is the only other person to date, some 16 years later who knows what a factorial is! FYI this is a factorial ! and it is something to do with maths and computer science. He was amazed by the coincidence. I just smiled and acknowledged. How can it all be a coincidence? I then find this on my Facebook page and it made me giggle and giggle. I love the original version of this but his one is great. My favourite line is swiping left on your future soul mate and it' a free ride when your Uber is up the street - love it! James Colden you really are priceless!
Curry consumed and we just kicked back and watched The Apprentice. I don't know why I watch it to be honest, it just does my head in. I look at them and think ......................... well you can guess what I am thinking. Thursday: This morning was just like a Spring day as I left the flat. The sky was blue and if it wasn't for the pile of leaves (which is getting bigger every day) outside of our flat, you would have thought it was March. I still haven't worn my winter coats yet. Back in August I bought a colourful winter cape which I have not had the opportunity of wearing. The weather is still very warm, and still no heating on in the flat either. Today has been extremely busy but the day has flown. Tonight I am home alone. Got the ironing board out, the first time in two weeks. This is the woman who used to iron everything. Now it is very little. Andy cannot wait for the day when I no longer iron my bedding linen. I cannot imagine getting into my bed with un-ironed sheets. Tonight I ironed sheets. Then I cleaned the flat, at least that frees me up the weekend. I really must get up the west end one Thursday night for some late night retail looking. I remember when I lived in Stoke I used to go on about late night shopping on a Thursday in London. Still there is no rush; I am not going anywhere for a while ................... well not yet! Friday: Woke up this morning feeling meh! OK a couple of things are playing on my mind but not enough to make me feel so down. It's Friday, it's the weekend, I have no reason to feel like it. Hopefully, as the day passes, so will this feeling. My iPod randomly greeted me on my short commute to work with: California Dreaming, I Wish They All Could be California Girls, Born in the USA! Really! Then to top the lot, never finished work until 18:00! I was suppose to be out with PPLP tonight but I cancelled; don't feel up to it. Back to flat and this is where I will stay tonight. I can be out tomorrow night but might give that a miss to be honest. I think it is the time of the year. This always happens. I miss Megan more than ever. It is not Christmas itself that makes me sad but the weeks leading up to it. Trust me, I really do try to work on it. But I see the children all wrapped up in their winter coats, excited about Father Christmas, writing their lists and I guess it just brings it all back to me ten fold. But it is what it is. I cannot see it changing. I just have to live with it. So today I have not had a text message I want to receive and I am now considering actually sending a pigeon! Then I have an invite out and when I say, oh go on then the response is oh I can't tonight! I will never understand men for as long as I live. But I am getting to the stage when I really can't be bothered to! We have decided that the Sesame Street word of the weekend is:
COMMUNICATION
All comments and ideas will be gratefully received!
Saturday: Awoke to a really dark and wet Saturday morning in London. Which was great as I rolled over and stayed in bed. I eventually crawled out and made a cup of tea and went back again to watch Corrie. All rock and roll in my life. I had a dentist appointment today. My dentist is a ten minute walk up the road so there was no rush this morning. I love Saturday mornings when you can just chill, fall into the day. Dentist was once again very impressive. I had two teeth built up around the gum. Amazing stuff. On my way back to the flat I saw a wonderful act of kindness. An elderly woman was walking in the torrential rain and one of the laces on her trainers was undone - yes a very elderly woman in trainers. She stopped and asked a young guy to tie up her lace for her. He just smiled, bend down and tied her lace. It was so sweet. Back to the flat, shower, hair wash and make up. This afternoon I have my third date with Mr South Africa. Unfortunately, we do not have South African weather this afternoon. It has been extremely wet all day. The reason for this weeks song is because Mr South Africa is a vegan and I am cooking. Now, I am vegetarian and even I have found this difficult. Andy thinks it is hysterical and
Selection of vegan cakes from Borough Market
believes life is to stressful as it is and cannot imagine getting through it without meat or chocolate. Mr South African eats neither. I have found vegan wine, vegan cheese and I need to buy vegan stock cubes. I am going to cook mushroom risotto. Andy says it is going to be a bowl of water with a bit of rice floating in it. I am meeting him at Borough Market first for some mulled wine and to get the mushrooms. Well everyday is an adventure and I had wonderful afternoon and evening! But Mr SA is the opposite to me, he is very private so I will be respecting his views and will be saying no more on this blog. He was worried about my blog and I understand that. I explained I write this so one day, just one day, someone may read it and fill in all the gaps. I did not have to explain any more which was so lovely. We both had an amazing memory day! Sunday: I did not want to get out of my cosy bed this morning. It was so difficult. I wanted to go to my meditation group; I did not want to leave my bed. I was tired. I eventually dragged myself out of bed and showered and made my way to the bus stop. I had to wait ages for the bus today. London
Sneaky selfie on the way to the bus this morning
was busy. I think it may have been because of the Remembrance Day Parade because I saw a lot of police and sniffer dogs in the City. I finally arrived at Hoxton and the cafe was really busy today. There were so many new people there which is great to see. It was a good meditation but my mind was wandering at times and I had to keep focusing back but I do enjoy my lovely Sunday mornings. But as I was tired I did not stay long. Caught the bus back and stayed on it and got off at the big Asda. Asda was full of Christmas stuff, which I must say got me a bit excited again. Shopping in London should be an Olympic sport. Firstly, you have to be totally aware of what you are buying. Do you really need it? How much does it weigh? I am mindful of everything I put in the trolley, because I know I have to carry it. I fancied a cooked Sunday lunch so I had plenty of vegetables, which are heavy. I get to the till and it fits in my one bag I had with me but I had to buy another bag for life. I packed the new bag and then it split. Obviously, that bag's life
Shoreditch Park and the view over the City
was only for 2 minutes. I took another back and stuffed the not so bag for life in the new bag for life and off I went. I had one strong bag on my shoulder, bag for life in my hand. I waited for the bus and it come and it was full. I then have to stand, with bags, balancing. The bus stopped half way home to change drivers ...... grrrrr! By now I was over my capping limit for buses for the day (you are only charged £4.40 in total daily for bus use, each journey is £1.50) so I changed bus and managed to get a seat on the next one. I am sitting there surrounded by bags. The bus gets to my stop and again I am balancing on a stopping bus with full shopping bags. Then don't forget I then have to climb 48 steps up the stairs to the flat! It is an endurance. But oh boy was my Sunday dinner lovely and certainly worth the effort! Belly full and being tired. I snuggled up on the sofa and promptly dozed off for an hour. It was like a Christmas day sleep. A chilled out lazy Sunday. But all good. Now for the John Lewis advert. This is the first time in five years I am looking forward to Christmas and John Lewis have made an advert for just for me. It is firstly a Noel Gallagher song (and he is gorgeous) , the words of the song say so much to me, it is about a little girl looking up to the moon (I do this all the time), there is a lonely old man living on the moon alone (I know I am only 29 but stay with me) and the girl sends him a present for Christmas. I guess it is the ultimate I love you to the moon and back statement. I sobbed and sobbed. I look at the moon and think, at sometime Meg will be looking at the moon, then we are looking at each other and that is good. And as you know, I love her to the moon and back. But it is all good. Thank you so much John Lewis but I know I will cry every time I see it. I have just looked at the John Lewis website and you can go to their rooftop at Oxford Street and look at the stars through telescopes. I will be doing this!
The rest of Sunday was lazy, but I guess that is what Sundays are good for. We finally watched the last few episodes of Sex and the City and it got me thinking. Life is about short stories. Snapshots and images. We collect them in our minds and replay them when we see something that reminds us. That could be a song (in my case) an image, a smell or just a flashback. But we have this DVD in our heads to play as and when we need to do so; or at other times when we really do not want to. A memory for me can been portrayed in a completely different way to someone else who was there. Tonight on Sex and the City Mr Big said 'abso fucking lutely' and I was trying not to cry by then as it was. But when I heard that, I cried. It reminded me of dear Steve who would always say that, but Andy couldn't recognise it. His memories are different than mine. I come to London to bury old memories and images and to make new ones. This weekend I have made some amazing memories and I can, at times feel my old memories fading, well so I think. But they are still there, safe in mind. I just have to dig a little deeper for them. But at last, I have new and amazing memory days to replay in my head. And for that, I am so thankful.
Monday: Well I moved to my new office which is a five minute walk and it feels as if I have started a new job. 5.00pm come around so quick and back home. I needed to eat vegetables tonight; I think it is the autumnal weather. So parsnips and potatoes being roasted and a huge steamer of veg ready to go. I haven't been able to see The Shard for two evenings now because of the fog, I know it is still there somewhere, but I do miss it! Lazy night tonight. That is normally the way on a Monday, so I just ease into the week and also both Andy and I were so tired from the weekend - hence having a quite Monday. Most people start the week refreshed from their weekend, but not us, we are the complete opposite. So it was three episodes of Sex and The City. That box set is almost coming to an end but we treated ourselves, via Ebay, to the complete set of The West Wing. We know how to live it up! Tuesday: Every morning I leave the flat, headphones in, bag on shoulder, work bag in hand. I open the door and say out loud (well not so loud) 'Good Morning London'. OK I am not Robin Williams and this sure ain't Vietnam or Kansas but I look up at The Shard and smile and start, what is now only five minutes walk commute, to work. I had to complete a form this morning on-line. Statistical data .... sigh! Now I am in the 55-65 box! I mean, really? What does this tell people out me, by me ticking this box? They will interpret it as the stereotypical, socially constructed image of a 'typical' 55 year old! I refuse to be categorised in a box by the constraints of others. I feel younger now than I did ten years ago! OK ...... rant over! New 9-5 went well then a quick hop and jump and back to the flat. Both Andy and I are out tomorrow night so I prepared a vegetable stew for the slow cooker and we sat and watched Sex and the City and that is when it happened. We were watching an episode when half way through the penny dropped that Carrie's new bloke was residing in a mental institution when I realised that I have done that one. I had a date with a guy who had spent quite a great deal of time within the mental health service. No it was not the one I was married to, but perhaps could have been. It was hysterical. The pair of us could not breathe let alone laugh. My ribs ached so much, it was so funny the pair of us were in hysterics. I guess when I look back I have had a blast, living life to the full and I know there are plenty more adventures to come. All in good time. Wednesday: Hump day ............ again! This week is flying by. London feels different again. It is hard to describe. Today it is misty and wet but even though I am living slap bang in the city, it feels so autumnal. The children being taken to school by their parents in their now not so new shoes and winter coats. The cyclists now in leggings and only a few in shorts. It is that period leading up to the time of the year that, for the past four years, I have loathed. This year I am like a child. I am so excited about Christmas, just saying the word makes me smile. Kylie switched the lights on in Regent Street over the weekend, so I will go and see them at least once. I have started to look to do some volunteering again on Christmas Day, but the problem is, whilst there is probably plenty of volunteering taking place, I have no transport. The buses and tube will not be running so I need to find somewhere nearby so I can walk. To date, this has been the issue. If not, I will rethink and do something. You know me, I always have at least a Plan B, C, D and X! New Meet Up this evening over the more exclusive part of town. It was a Meet Up to play Cards Against Humanity. I have played this numerous times with Andy and his mates so I thought I would give it a go. It was OK. Interesting mix of people from all over the place: Switzerland (of course), Italy, Australia and Saudi Arabia to name a few. They all seemed to do amazing, exciting and highly paid jobs. However, I have never been so proud to say that I have based my career in the voluntary sector, working with the unloved, the unwashed and the unwanted. I then get the patronising 'oh I could not do that job' statement. I always smile then reply 'no you could not, because you could not live on my salary.' I am so thankful for the opportunities I have had to support people over the years. These people have enhanced and given me a richness to my own life. But the Meet Up itself was a laugh and at least I am out and about doing something. Back home and a quick catch up with Andy then bed as I am tired tonight and hey it is the weekend soon I need to get some rest so I am ready for Saturday and Sunday. Thursday: I slept really well last night and now my mind is thinking about the weekend, which, as always, will start tomorrow night. But first I have work which really does get in the way of having a good time. But the day fly by. The evening was split into two halves; firstly two very difficult and upsetting phone calls with me trying to make things right for people. But as life has taught me, this is not always possible. The other half was trying to find certain ingredients. I felt like a contestant in The Apprentice. I will not go into great details at the moment; I shall see if the event takes place. But needless to say, I found almost what I was looking for. Tonight's events made me think of my own life and experiences. I think the older you get, and remember I am only 29, the more you think, what is all
about? My friend Sarah, who is travelling at the moment summed it all up recently. She said 'I told you that work (and in my case domesticity and normal living) is so over rated!'. She is right. But hey, tomorrow is Friday and if all goes to plan, I have a busy and amazing weekend in store. Friday: Work done. It is Friday! I met Andy at our local tube which was a 3 minute walk from my desk and we were off to the O2. There is something so magical about Fridays. I think it is the thought that the week is done and the whole purpose of me coming to London is here; to get out and about and have some adventures. Arrived at the O2 and it was so busy. There was an American wrestling thing going on. We found some food and ended up having two cocktails as well. I did not think they were that strong, until half way through the second one! Now it is confession time. I have a 'thing' about the pictures. I like to sit to the right as you look at the screen, and two thirds of the way up. I do not like having people sitting next to me (or around me if I can help it). I know, I know. So we get to the screen and we are the first there and it is so dark. I hate it. So Andy starts. He runs up to the top of the seats and hides. I was petrified. I had the torch on my phone and just went and sat at any seat telling him to stop and come out. He did not answer. I was so scared then he just appeared next to me. I tell you my friends, it is a wonder I am still here. I screamed then giggled and giggled. I think the cocktails had really hit home. We watched the previews of up and coming films and then I randomly remembered that I needed a shallot. So we were giggling again. We went to see Spectre. Now this is something I thought would never happen. Me going to the cinema to see a James Bond film. It was really, really good
and I did enjoy it. And let's face it, he is very easy on the eye! But by the end we were both very tired. As we left the O2 so did all the children and small adults who had been to see the American wrestling thing. I do not do children these days. I have done that and have more than too any scares to prove it. But why oh why would a parent take a small child to see full grown men throw themselves around a ring? Why? I was saying to Andy that this country gets more Americanised every day and it is not good. They were making a wolf like cry which really was getting on my nerves. Andy said I was acting my age! Grrrrr. I was just being English! There is nothing worse on a Friday night than other peoples children being American. Back to the flat and straight to bed. I have a very (hopefully) busy and enjoyable Friday. Oh I need a shallot :)
My beautiful flowers from Colombia Road Flower Market (see Sunday)
So tired this morning. I did not sleep well. All kinds of rubbish going through my head and I had to be up for 8.00 ..... well it was 8.30 by the time I crawled out of bed. Shower, breakfast, make up and out of the door. Today, ironically, I have a hospital appointment. Saturday: So this morning I had a medical appointment. So on the bus up to the clinic and found it straight away. I really have found my way around. As usual, I was far too early so found a wonderful independent coffee shop and sat and watched the world go by whilst drinking a lovely cup of coffee. The woman in the clinic was so kind. I had to go for a mammogram, which under the circumstances this week, was rather ironic. You men reading this have no idea what it is like to be a woman. Basically, a mammogram just puts your breasts into a vice and squashes them! Joy oh joy. I said to the woman instigating this torture that if it is not one end being squashed it is the other end being probed! We had a good giggle. Still, I guess it is good that I can have it done. So now the results will be with me in a couple of weeks. Back on the bus and I called into the health shop I went into last week to get some bits. The girls remembered me and asked how my two patients were doing: the non-vegan and the vegan. I thought it was quite sweet they had remembered. Back to the flat and mission on. I was cleaning out my closet as Eminem would say. Summer clothes put away, old clothes bagged up for the charity shop, winter clothes in the wardrobe. Ironically, it is really, really warm today and I have all the windows in the flat open. Something as simple as taking clothes to the charity shop is not easy when you live in Central London. There are not many charity shops around in easy walking distance. I suspect it is because of the price of the rent. I mean, you do not want to be walking around carrying three sacks of clothes for too long. I will take a sack at a time, which means then you have to find some storage to store the sacks until you can take them. I sorted out the one cupboard we have in the flat for storage. When I moved here I got some of those vacuum bags. I love them. You put the vacuum cleaner nozzle on the bag and it sucks the life out of them. It is like being a Dementor in the Harry Potter films. Unfortunately, in my case, they do not always work and over the weeks they start to grow and grow and grow in the tiny little cupboard as the air starts to fill the bags back up. Then boom. The cupboard door flings open and the bags full out! So today, once again, I sucked the life out of the bags and made room in the cupboard but I do think it is rather a thankless task. This evening I went to visit a friend who lives West. When I say West I mean very West. She lives very near to Heathrow Airport in Zone 4. Things you never think you will say - oh no Zone 4! It took me an hour to get there and it was like suburbia. Very nice but very town. It was strange. My host cooked a lovely meal and she spoilt me rotten and I think I left her feeling a great deal happier as I had spread my sparkle. Back on the tube home and this time I shared it with ghosts, ghouls, monsters, people with gun shot wounds and zombies. Just another normal day on the underground. It was so strange because I had a wonderful time at my friends but boy did I miss the city. I really do not think I can live anywhere but in Central London now. I got off the tube - along with the zombies, ghosts et al and made my way back to the flat beaming as I was so happy and so pleased to be back where the road is always busy, the buses are always full, the cranes have their red lights beaming, police sirens are relentless and madness rules. Bliss, sheer bliss. I was home. Sunday: I was tired this morning when the alarm awoke me. However,
Hoxton Art
nothing was going to stop me going to my meditation group at Hoxton. It wasso foggy this morning. As my bus made its way across London Bridge you could not see a thing along the river. I did feel for the early morning tourists on the bridge as they did not have a thing, apart from fog, to look at. I got off the bus and walked along a dank and foggy canal to the cafe, which, as always, was warm and welcoming. I know I keep saying it, but it such a lovely, warm and welcoming group. Today, the lady was back who in the summer, gave me a coffee grain reading. Her name escapes me. I am so bad at names but she remembered me. This time I had a card reading, but they were not your 'normal' tarot cards.
Hoxton Art
I had two things on my mind. Well that is not entirely true, but I focussed on two things; both of which I will not discuss on here. However, she was amazing. I actually had a card with a snake in the grass on it and this a turn of phase I have used recently to describe someone. She also went on to describe someone in such a way it really was quite spooky yet reassuring. Stayed round chatting and drinking peppermint tea and Andre, the guy who runs the group said that he does not recognise me from the
Hoxton Art
person who first walked through the door back at the start of summer. He is right I told him that on the rare occasions I look back, I do not recognise myself. It has, and continues to be, an amazing journey. I am learning so much about me. I feel free; totally free. I am not answerable to anyone and I love it. I walked around London with my camera, just being me. Left the cafe and walked along Kingsland Road in Hoxton and come across some wonderful street art and The Geffrye Museum which is a museum of the home! The museum looks at th home from 1600 to the present day and shows displays of middle class living rooms and gardens throughout the centuries. It was very good. Outside, in the gardens, there was a really good piece of art called The Last Hug. The artist had used leaves to form the shape of a human, hugging a tree. It was to bring the last hug of the leaves, as they left the tree. I really, really liked the whole concept of it. Continued walking and made my way to Colombia Street Flower Market. It was so busy and they sold every flower, plant, shrub or bulb imaginable here. I
The Last Hug
treated the flat to two bunches of dried flowers and grasses and decorated the fireplace and even if I say so myself, it looks rather lovely. Made my way back to Shoreditch and the bus to the flat. It is colder tonight in London and it is as if November has arrived and so has the cold. London never stops giving. Sundays used to be the worse day of the week for me; now they are amazing. I love my meditation group and the people who go there, it sets me up for the day and the week ahead. Then I normally try to do something on a Sunday but in
London, there is always something to do and normally it does not cost a penny. It was so good to be out and about today with Beatrice and I have included more photographs this week. The local art was taken in Hoxton and I thought it was really quite good. I particularly like the Love Will Tear Us Apart work. I like that song and thought the artwork was brilliant.
Here are a couple of photos from the Geffrye Museum, which like most of the museums in London was free. They did have a lovely cafe there but I did not use it.
The Geffrye Museum
Edwardian Room
So another weekend has been and gone. Relaxing evening, just watching a DVD and trying to figure something out in my head. I guess the thing about people lying means, by default, at least once they have to be telling the truth. It is just by then no one can believe them and then it is too late.
