So make the best of this test, and don't ask why. It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time. (Time of your Life - Green Day)

The stark reality of it being a Bank Holiday weekend has just sunk in.  Summer is drawing to an end, children will be returning back to school, my teacher friends will be turning once again to alcohol!  I have had the most amazing, if financially ruining Summer in London.  I have done some wonderful things and met some people who will remain with me, in my thoughts for probably ever. So I will enjoy the next few days and see Summer out in style, before I embark on the next chapter of my life in the real world.

Saturday:  Lazy start to the day.  Andy has a friend staying this afternoon and they are off to the theatre this evening.  I decided to take myself off to the cinema.  As I left the flat I looked up and flying over my head was an old plane, not sure what, maybe a spitfire or something.  So noisy.  I got the bus to the cinema and passed this on the way and thought, for you Northerners who read this, you would just love it.  Before you ask, no I have never eaten eels, or pie, mash and liqueur ..... nor would I!

Three people have told me to go and see the film Inside Out.  It is a children's film about a young girl and the emotions that govern her that live in her head.  It was really good and I have to admit I did cry at one point as it hit a nerve.  Popped into Tesco for the habitual two bags of groceries and back to the flat for a chilled out evening.  It is funny, all those months I spend in my room before (do you guys remember?) I still like being in my room.  I guess it is a distorted version of Stockholm Syndrome.

So the evening ended up with two men on my bed: Andy and his friend! We just sat having a chat and a laugh ..... all good!

Sunday:  Up and out early to go to Russell Brand's cafe for mediation.  The number 21 bus is becoming my favourite route of transport. Whilst the bus was at Old Street I was doing my usual people watching thing and saw a guy just patting, stroking and fussing his dog on the pavement. Both him and the dog were in a little world of their own.  I miss my dear friend ..... a dog is such a true companion.

I arrived in plenty of time this week.  But then something strange happened.  I come over quite unwell.  I felt sick (I don't do sick), I had a pain in my stomach and I was sweating like I had just come back form the gym.  I went and sat outside and did not feel any better.  Eventually, I decided that I really needed to be at home.  I was so annoyed.  I had been looking forward to this all week but there was no way I felt comfortable or well enough to stay. I just wanted to get home without being sick.  Back to the flat and straight to bed.  Where I slept for four hours, woke up with a stinking headache but no more nausea.  Crazy. I have had some toast and tea and two paracetamol but the headache is still there! 

I must tell you about Sundays in London.  On the bus coming home there were quite a few women, African women, dressed for church.  They were wearing the most amazing colourful dresses, with matching head scarves.  Many of the black women also wear wigs.  It took me some time to work this out, even though there are so many shops near to me that sell them ....... doh!  I realised this last week when a most immaculately dressed woman was on the bus and I thought, wow your hair is amazing.  At which point, she started to pull the wig down further on her head.  The men don't look under dressed either on a Sunday.  They can be seen wearing their best suit and ties, even the small boys. All dressed up and ready for church.  It truly is a magnificent sight to behold.

I did have some tentative plans for this afternoon, which in all fairness I may have had reviewed.  But, as always, they changed.  But this is London, this is what happens.  So I will give myself a lazy day and see if I can shrug off this headache.   Alas, the headache remained with me for the majority of the day.  I just chilled in my room and thank goodness for Netflix.

So all in all, a quiet weekend which is ok.  Obviously, I did not want to feel yuk but these things happen.

Bank Holiday Monday:  Well it is one minute past midnight.  I felt the need to write this whilst I feel like I do.  It is that moment when you have clarification that your gut reaction was totally right about something; but instead of feeling smug I guess I am feeling a bit sad about it. Not for me, I have done no wrong, but for others.  I have that ethical dilemma rattling around in my head now: do I just drop it and move on or do I do the 'right thing' which will be so the wrong thing?  We live in a digital age, one where we all (whether we like it or not)

leave a footprint on line of our journey.  However, it just ceases to amaze me how, when people blatantly lie about something do they think a. I am too stupid to figure it out or b. they really think they can get away with it c. why they are not as clever as me to cover their tracks.  Either way it is not good. I really should be working for MI5, MI6 or the CIA.  What I have learnt is I really must listen to my gut feeling; it rarely lets me down and secondly as much as I want to go right now and slap someone round the face for every woman who has been there, I wont (apart from the fact I do not know where they live or suppose to live) because whilst that would be the right thing to do; it would also be the wrong thing to do. 

Instead I will live with it and console myself that I did nothing wrong but others

did wrong unto me and if there is any justice they will be reading this now and know exactly who they are and what the situation is I am referring to.  There is some poetic justice in all this as ironically, I have just found out that Morrissey is a key figure in this person's life and therefore, once again I will leave it to him (Morrissey) to close this chapter:

'Beware, I bear more grudges than lonely high court judges

When you sleep, I will creep into your thoughts like a bad debt'

Well it is just a typical British Bank Holiday Monday. Rain, rain and rain.  I can hardly see the Shard from my bedroom window and I am wishing that the little Tesco across the road did home delivery as I would be sending out for chocolate!  I have decided to give myself a culture day today, so I am watching Of Mice and Men which in my opinion is a 1930's version of Forest Gump! But I still cried .......... of course I did, that's me!  

Fortunately, I have a busy week this week so whilst I might be bored absolutely stupid at the moment, the coming week will keep me on my toes.

Enjoy the Bank Holiday my friends.

As always, with my love x

What a drag it is the shape I'm in. Well I go out somewhere, then I come home again! (America - Razorlight)

I woke up this morning with the thought in my head that I have not worked all summer.  No wonder I have no money!  Not even mentioning you know what this morning.  Bring on the week ........... I am ready for you!

Monday:  Well to say that it rained today would be a slight understatement; the heavens opened all day. Andy was off work so we just hang around the flat all day.  I did check my DBS and still not change and to say I am getting very anxious about it now is a not even touching the surface.  I need to do some serious thinking this weekend.  On a brighter note I joined Twitter today, thanks to the help of Andy.

I set up my account and thank you David, Chris and of course Andy for being my first three followers.  It didn't take long before other people arrived.  I joined Twitter because I want to promote this blog more and Twitter seemed a good idea. I was blown away by how many like minded people I found on there.

People who travel just through life, I mean can you imagine, just rolling around the world! I have to be honest it has got me thinking.  Some interesting people yet again, confirmation that I needed to come to London.  So not very much happened day.  But all good ........ well apart from the DBS. Actually, I forgot. I am following Jeremy Vine on Twitter and I am going to tweet him about the DBS and how disgusting it has all been and maybe he may want to feature it on his show?  Just a thought.

Tuesday:  Where has the sun gone?  I decided to nip out prior to the afternoon of continual rain.  I have an unusual, but great, surname.  However, in London, that is nothing.  Most people have unpronounceable names.  The poor guy in the chemist today did struggle. No matter now much I tried to tell him he could not get his tongue around it. Eventually, we agreed on Karen.  So all was well.  Twitter account is going well. People are 'following' me.  God help them.  I think we will all be lemmings and end up over a cliff.  Camera is now on order and I am very excited, if apprehensive about it.  I am sure I will be able to figure it out and have some ideas where, if the weather sorts itself out, I want to go to start taking photos.  

So a new day; a new Doctor.  Andy come home from work doubled up in pain again.  I do feel for him, but there is nothing I can do. He managed to get an emergency GP appointment.  I have to say, I am very impressed with our Surgery and the health care in general in London.  I just assumed, wrongly, that it would be virtually impossible to get seen. But no, all in all it appears to be fine. I go to the GP's with Andy, let's face it I have nothing else to do.  Spread my sparkle at reception.  They kind of know me there now, I can't think why! I think it is because I engage in conversation with them.  Andy saw the GP and more medication, but we both think that he may have a point in his diagnosis. However, I do have to say from one who watches Holby City religiously each week and has watched every episode of ER and is convinced I could put in a chest drain if I had to; he has seen three different medics and has received three different diagnosis.  Personally, no offence to any medical professionals reading this, I would put my trust in TV medical 'dramas' and She God Google. Oh Google is gendered as female as she knows everything .................!

We went to the chemist to get a bag of meds for him and off back to the flat.  I don't want to be doing 'Mummy nagging' at him for so many reasons; mainly because I am not his mother.  But we had a good chat and have mastered a plan that may help him.  

Wednesday:  Why is it when you have a slice of toast in bed you are trying to get rid of the crumbs for the next six days?  Where do they come from? Weather is vile this morning; utterly vile.  It is funny how the weather can just change your mood.  Saturday was glorious and I loved it.  But now I can feel the season slowly starting to turn.  The evenings are getting darker and this morning there was a slight chill to the air ............... winter is coming and this year I will not be flying off to the Southern Hemisphere for some sunshine. BUT, the autumn will be wonderful in London and for the first time since 2010 I am looking forward to Christmas.  Something I never thought I would say again.

Went to a Meet Up tonight my group that visits different pubs in London. Tonight's pub was the George at London Bridge and it has been there since 1600 ish.  I have been there before with Ian from the Meet Up group in Staffordshire.  Tonight we had such a lovely little group.  I met some new people as well as others I have met before.  It really was  great atmosphere.  It is so strange when I think of it as I left there around 22:00 nipped in Sainsbury's and walked home under the almost full moon which looked stunning as it was framed by my red stars (lights from the cranes).

I was chatting to a woman I know in Stoke today and she said that I have inspired here to start blogging; how cool is that. So can you all take time out to check her blog. I wish you luck Freya with your writing and look forward to reading more about your adventures.

http://mumandstudentblog.wordpress.com/

Thursday:  Strange day today.  Technically the DBS countdown is over, but I am giving them until tomorrow as to be totally frank I can't be bothered to put myself through it. But I did check it and there is still no change.  Sigh.

Something else has changed; a completely different situation from the DBS.  A link that has remained open for four years has now been taken away form me.

That door has closed.  Sure I feel sad about it.  But I really do have to ask myself how much pain can one person take.  It hurts yes, but it always hurts, it is just another blow.  I will have a cry, pull myself together, put my lipstick on and go for a walk.  Nothing would have changed when I get home, but nothing in this situation is going to change.

It is what it is.  But I still have to ask myself the question, what would I have to had done to deserve this? It has got me thinking about the classic film Citizen Kane.  The opening word and the final word in that film is Rosebud. You will have to watch the film to figure out the significance.  But I guess what I am trying to say is I have a 'Rosebud' but mine is human and that name will be the final word I utter. But I still have hope.  There is always hope. But some days it really does not feel like it!

'Spoke' to a few people on What's App, had a cry and ventured out into a very grey, damp Thursday morning in London, telling myself, once again that every day is an opportunity and that this time, once again, will pass. 

I decided to take myself, my iPod and my book to the Peace Garden at the

Imperial War Museum.  It is what it says it is: peaceful.  Sat reading my book having a cry, wishing for things that no longer are and trying to feel thankful for things that I have and not what I desperately miss. I shared the garden with a guy my age, his dog and his can of Tennents Extra.  (FYI I did not have the drink).  You would never know that you were actually in Central London when you are sitting here.  It really is so peaceful.


I decided to walk around the grounds to the IWM and  stretch my legs. Let me give you a history lesson now.  The IWM is housed the building and grounds of

the old Bethlam Royal Hospital; about a ten minute walk from my flat.  Until 1930 this building was the home for psychiatric patients and was known as an asylum and this is where the word bedlam (Bethlam) originates from as in uproar and confusion. Now, this building is the home to the Imperial War Museum. It is difficult to comprehend the pain and suffering that went on in that building. However, today it has been refurbished and is a really informative and interesting museum.  

Considering it was a gloomy day (in more ways than one) and the school holidays it was remarkably quiet and I was able to get to see what went there to look at in relatively peace and quiet.

The reason why I went to the IWM was I wanted to see an exhibition they were housing by the photomontage artist Peter Kennard.  His powerful, and somewhat unique style, have illustrated the political and social aspect of war.

They acknowledge the pain of what actually is happening.  I particularly liked this piece.  You can see the Union Jack flag holding a medal but the medal is in fact a hooded victim of war. Very powerful and moving There were around eight of these prints in the collection but this is the one that I particular favoured. 

Went for a sneaky Earl Grey tea which I have to say cost a small fortune and then decided to leave the museum.  I was not sure where I wanted to go but

knew that I should not go back to the flat until I had walked off some of this mood.  As I left the museum I noticed this piece of artwork.  It was piece from the Berlin Wall and I thought how amazing the graffiti was and how symbolic. 

The plaque underneath it stated that over 80 people had died trying to leave East Berlin for the West by attempting to go over the wall.  One of my favourite songs of all time is Heroes by David Bowie which tells the story of a couple trying to get over the Berlin wall.  Life is so fragile; we are so fragile.  Just look at the news if you need confirmation of that.

I walked through the grounds of the museum which would have been the grounds of the hospital and decided that I would take a walk down to the South Bank and see the river.

Again, it was not crowded but I did have to laugh and at one point actually out loud, not that it matters in London as no one cares.   I was walking along the South Bank and I could here the click, click, click of skateboards.  The South Bank is home to a skateboard park.  I obviously knew it was there but I guess it just evokes memories.  I rolled my eyes and as I did so I inadvertently looked up to the heavens in despair, just as a Swiss Air plane few over my head - I kid you not my friend.  Now I am the first one to believe in the Universe deciding and sending messages but really?  Come on, give this girl a break ..... and I don't mean my feet!

Back to the flat, via the bus as my left foot was really aching and a chilled evening.  But I am not looking forward to tomorrow's showdown with the DBS .... sigh! 

Friday:  The thing with pain (and let's face it I have had more than my fair share of it over the past four years) is there comes a time when no matter how much is thrown at you, you are really cannot hurt any more; just another piece of you whithers away and a little bit of your sparkle is snuffed out.

I rang the DBS.  They have had my application form 81 days now and the police have had it 75.  It is stuck at the Metropolitan Police.  If I had completed the form to say that I had not moved to London yet, I would have had it by now. But no, me being me, me being honest (unlike some people I could mention and know) told the truth and are now paying the price.  I have emailed the complaints department at the DBS to lodge a complaint because now, and only now, because of the time I am allowed to do this.  I cannot contact their Ombudsman until they have looked in to it. 

I am now allowed to have the address of the Met and have wrote a letter.  As from Tuesday and every day thereafter, I will pay £3.00 (that I really cannot justify) to catch the bus (because to walk it at the moment with my painful feet would just be too much) up to Scotland Yard to hand deliver a complaints letter. I will be doing this every day. I will also be getting a signed receipt for delivery. I have wrote to my prospective employer highlighting the severe financial difficulty (as well as emotional stress) this has put me through, so when I find a different job for more money they will not be surprised!  I have also said that I am disappointed that no one has used any common sense.  I have had CRB, DBS and Ministry of Justice security checks for the past 18 years.  If there were any suspicion about my situation I would not have been working where I was prior to coming to London.  IT IS TOTALLY RIDICULOUS!

I hear people say to me 'oh I could not do the job you do'. No, you couldn't! Because financially you would not be able to swallow the pay cut, or in my case, no wage at all for four months. Or manage with the emotionally difficult situations working with people can bring.  I have worked with people who have been told they have a few months to live. I have sat with a woman whilst she told her two young children she had weeks to live and supported this family during her treatment and the children after her death.  I have worked with people when they have had, through no fault of their own, their children removed from them.  I have supported people living with HIV and the social stigma imposed on them by others in our society. I have worked with young people who have found themselves in a situation that they would not chose and are now paying the price because they are too scared to tell the truth about a situation.

When people as me 'what I do', I tell people that I work with the unloved, the unwashed and the unwanted.  The 'type' of person that many of you would cross the street to avoid.  But isn't a good job there are people like me who want to work with those who need the help, support and in some cases,  just love and reassurance and total belief in them.  Yet because of this, we are normally paid less and have to jump through the most pathetic loops to justify our kindness for others.  I am so tired of being tested just because I want to be a good person.

This afternoon I get a phone call from my prospective new employer after the email I sent them.  I have been invited to go to Clapham on Tuesday to see what or if there is anything they can do to a. keep me from not finding another job b. reassure me that they still want to employ me and c. get me on some training and induction workshops of which I will be paid for .......... but not until the end of October.  Whilst, as Andy says it is positive; I have to be honest and say that a great deal of the initial excitement has been sucked out of me.

As much as I really did not want to go out tonight, I made the effort because

that is what I do.  Continually, make the effort and just try to get on with it. The Meet Up group in Shoreditch again.  I was not sure what I made of this group last week but thought it was worth another look.  

I am getting to know the Shoreditch/Hoxton area.  I think it is like Marmite; you either love it there or hate it.  I like it. I arrived at the Meet Up group and was greeted by one of the organisers, David who was so welcoming and we were both soon in the kitchen talking about our travels and where in the world we have visited, and more importantly, where in the world we would like to go.

The venue itself is an amazing place.  It is just like walking into a living room. An eclectic mixture of furniture and a kitchen that has as much tea, coffee, herbal teas and food that you could want to eat or drink.  I then got speaking to some other people and it was a really lovely and relaxing group of people. There

was Emily, Jazz, Roy and Pierre.  The whole purpose of this group is to come along, help yourself to as many drinks as you want, tuck into the food on offer and sit and chat, and that is what I did.  I had some really lovely conversations. 

A group of people sat on the floor with one guy playing a guitar just singing away.  It was such a lovely, warm environment.  It was so funny as the guy started playing Green Day ..... Time of your Life which is one of my tracks of my

The wonderful venue

life, I just love the words of that song.  So I just sat there, singing along and the guy who was playing I think was surprised someone my age (29) knew the words.  Oh Meg, I wish you could see your Mum now having the time of her life.

Another woman come to join us called Goli and I sat and chatted with her for ages, just putting the world to rights (as you do).  She was so lovely and we really did get along.  It is funny really, I guess you don't really see yourselves as having a fulfilling life, but Goli was amazed at my adventures and the work that I have done.  Some times the most obvious to others is so remote to ourselves.  

Walked to the bus stop and finally home; even though I was ready to go drinking with the outside world with the Shoreditch crowd. When I got home I was wide awake and started watching a programme on Channel 4 about British culture.  They were saying that as the British we do not take compliments very well and brush them aside.  The one nation that has a big problem with this is

the Americans!  This is so true.  Bart was always saying lovely things to me which I batted away.  But no, he used to still continue and yes, me being British just shrugged and I actually said at one point I do have trouble listening to this. Not once did I consider that it may actually be my culture and not his .......... or the Shirley Valentine Concept (as it is now known).  So Bart, if you are reading this.......... sure I am awesome and such a cool person!

So to sum up this week: I guess I cannot control the Universe that walks with me; but I have to remain one of the bright stars and keep sprinkling my sparkle!

As always, with my love x

Oh Matron ............... You will feel a small prick!

You know that feeling on a Sunday evening, when regardless of the time, your cosy bed is just calling you?  Well this evening Andy and I went to our respective rooms around eight.  At nine an ambulance arrived at our little flat.

Andy had not been feeling well all day.  He does suffer from IBS but this was something different.  He was doubled up all day in pain and had spent most of the day in agony.  Eventually, he rang 111 or whatever the number is now for NHS Direct that is no more, but you get where this is going.  I was in my room watching Dragon's Den when he comes in, in a right panic saying they are sending an ambulance.  I thought, yeah right.  Then, as by magic, there was an ambulance with lights flashing outside of our flat.

Talk about panic.  The ambulance crew come up and I left them to it in the lounge and went back to my room.  Thirty minutes later I am throwing on some clothes and climbing in the back of an ambulance.  The ambulance crew were so lovely.  They ended up giving Andy gas and air and he was getting high as a kite.  I wanted some!  So we eventually are taken up to St Thomas's hospital which is still south of the river but opposite the Houses of Parliament.  The ambulance staff were so attentive and caring and we were all having a laugh to be honest.

We are taken into a room and he ambulance people leave us and then the fun begins.  Sunday night in a hospital in central London.

We are so lucky to have the NHS and I was very impressed with the service Andy received.  I was explaining to him how August is known as the 'Killing Fields' in the NHS.  Whilst I felt uncomfortable for using this turn of phase after actually visiting the awful Killing Fields in Cambodia this year, this is a fact.  It is because all the new Doctors have qualified and are ready to impress and put their new found skills to the test.  

This was apparent when his Doctor turned up. She was very polite and asked plenty of questions whilst prodding him all over his stomach as he winced in pain.  Prior to her arriving I was saying to Andy that if there was any justice in the world this would turn in to a RomCom and Doctor Carter from ER will walk in the door, take one look at me with no make up on, tired and fed up and fall madly in love with me.  Guess what?  It never happened.  We called Andy's new Killing Fields Doctor Doctor Neela as in ER.


She then tried to extract some blood and after examining his veins decided to opt for his left hand.  She thought it was two attempts, it was in fact three, out trickled a pathetic amount, but Doctor Neela seemed pleased with it. She said that she thought Andy had an appendicitis and she would be back.  His poor little face. I swear the colour drained.  He did look rather scared.  IV painkillers were administered and a saline drip.

 I must admit, I loved it.  Not him in pain obviously, but I watched the blood being taken (Andy looked away) and was very curious about all the stuff just left around to mess with.  

The Department started to get busy when in rolled two Surgeons.  They were obviously Surgeons. Oh I forgot to mention that I was fed up explaining that I was not his mother and swore that the next person to assume this I would explain to them that he has been my lover for the past eight years!  The Surgeons examined him and asked the same questions and said they would be back.  No one come back.

We were sandwiched between a man aged around 55 who was rather drunk with his head cut open.  He spend the entire time we were there moaning to his family and demanding to go home.  Tough on the family.  We could not see these people, just hear them through the walls.  To the other side there was a man's voice with a transatlantic twang.  We had to giggle as the Nurse asked this guy if he would like a sandwich and he said 'Oh yes please can I have smoked salmon and cream cheese?' .............. He was given egg salad!  God bless the NHS.  I said to Andy that knowing my luck it is Bart next door because he has fallen off his skateboard and the only way I would be leaving the hospital was on a trolley with a sheet over me, being pushed by Andy.  

The hours dragged on and finally they come back to say his bloods were ok, it was not an appendicitis and he could now go home, but still in pain.  He was not offered any further advice or indication what it could be.  So there we were trying to get out of the hospital and when we finally found an exit we were greeting by the chimes of Big Ben striking 2:45am!  By then, my feet had swollen up to the size of Hobbit's feet again and we, well me, hobbled to the bus stop to get the night bus home.  However, faith in the human race was restored as two guys on the bus offered up their seat for me.  I declined as I needed to be standing as I had sat down long enough as it was.

We got back home around 3:15am. Tired and Andy still in pain.  I thought we were having to go to the Dignitas cabinet and administer our own pain relief.  Obviously, Little Miss Curious could then not get to sleep because of all the excitement and I think I finally drifted off around 4:30.   Not the most ideal way of spending a Sunday evening if I am honest.

Update:  Monday morning and Sick Note is still in pain but it has eased slightly.  And he thinks he is my carer!

As always, with love x

Be good to yourself, because nobody else, has the power to make you happy! (Heal the Pain - George Michael)

Saturday:  The original plans I had for today had changed over night.  So I decided that I was going to give myself a good day as the weather was stunning.  My feet are terribly bruised and quite painful but I was determined to get out and about so I got the bus over to Greenwich.  Our flat is so centrally placed. I can walk literally across the road and for the princely sum of £1.50 get all the way to Greenwich.

Obviously, I have not been to Greenwich for years and whilst obviously nothing amongst the historical setting has changed; the skyline of London most certainly has.

 I remember as a child visiting Greenwich with my brother and going on the Cutty Sark. Also the other picture shows the entrance to the tunnel that goes under the Thames to the Isle of Dogs.  I can remember vividly our excitement as children as we thought we were under the River.  It was so exciting for us and today, when I looked at the entrance again I could still feel that anticipation of actually walking under the river.

It has been really hot today so I found somewhere and sat and read my book for a couple of hours.  I am reading a Dawn French novel which has made me laugh, literally out loud.  Fortunately, no one seem to care.  It was really quite relaxing.  I know I keep saying it, but this is one of the many things that I love about this City.  You can just be you; no one cares what you look like, what you are wearing (look at the Ghostbusters on Friday night for example).  You can be as unique and as wonderful as you truly are.  I wandered around the Craft Market and treated myself to a lovely linen top made which come from Italy.  It was rather expensive, so I did think about it then thought, stuff it.  I think I will enjoy wearing it!

I decided to move myself, eventually, and walked up the to the Greenwich Observatory and I am so glad that I made the effort. The views from the top were absolutely stunning. 

I wondered, as I was walking up, what people were actually looking at.  But I fought the temptation not to look back until I reached the top and I am so pleased that I did so. As, when I eventually reached the top and stopped and turned round the view literally took my breath away. In front of me was Canary Wharf in all it's glory and to the right was the O2 as it is now know as, or you may know it as the Millennium Dome.  I found a bench nearby and sat, once again, just listening to music and reading my book.  When the sun comes out Londoners find some green somewhere and there were families enjoying picnics, people with Frisbees even a guy juggling.

I really did have a truly wonderful day. 

The entrance to the tunnel under the Thames

The Cutty Sark

Sunday:  What is it with Sunday mornings?  Do you think our bodies automatically know that it is Sunday and therefore we should not be up at a reasonable time?  I guess the alternative to this train of thought is those Sunday mornings when you are wide awake at 5:00am.  But up I was and showered and ready to hit the road.  I decided, in my wisdom, to get the bus up to Hoxton/Shoreditch totally forgetting that today is Sunday and doh the buses are not as frequent as they are in the week.

So I waited and waited and eventually along rolled the number 21 bus.  I use an app on my phone called City Mapper which is totally priceless.

It gets me everywhere and even tells you when the bus is due and when you need to get off the bus. However, unless I actually put my glasses on, I can't read the damn thing.  So when I get off the bus I have no idea where in the world I am, but you know me guys.  This is the woman who travels all over the world on her own and I soon found where I needed to be.  Hello Hoxton!  I had arrived.

The purpose of my trip today was to join a Meet Up group who were meeting to mediate at Russell Brand's Trew Era Cafe.  For those of you who do not know, this cafe is a non-profit making social enterprise which come about after residents on the New Era Housing Estate were going to be losing there homes as developers wanted to triple (yes you did read that right) their rents so that it was impossible for them to remain in their home.  The residents protested and Russell Brand supported them and drew attention to their cause, resulting in the developers backing out and the 100 or so residents did not lose their home.

The cafe was opened in March and was funded by Russell Brand from the

proceeds of his book 'Revolution'.  The aim of the project is to employ former substance misuse users, to give them the opportunity to continue with their recovery and to gain work experience. The mediation Meet Up group meet their every Sunday and this is their third week.  The cafe suspends trading for 30 minutes whilst the meditation takes place.  The atmosphere was electrifying.  Such energy.  As soon as I walked in I thought, wow, I am home!

There were approximately 25 people there to meditate and eventually we sat in silence just meditating and it was great.  Such positive energy.  After the meditation we just sat talking, drinking tea and eating brunch.  There was a woman giving, and you are going to love this, Turkish coffee grain readings.  I am sniggering now as I have a few of you in my mind thinking 'what the f*c%'.  So I have to have a go don't I.  It really was quite interesting and she hit the nail on the head, especially around one particular thing that is my Achilles' heel.  Very interesting and thought provoking and she was such a lovely, caring woman.  I then had some brunch which consisted of a pot of Earl Grey tea and the most delicious toasted sandwich filled with feta cheese, mint and aubergine (I think there was another ingredient in there, but I cannot remember what it was) it was so tasty and served with salad.

So we just sat and talked, that is myself (obviously) and Andre who was organising the meet (he does not want to be viewed as that but just to paint you the picture) and Anna.  It was so relaxing just to be spending time with like-minded people.  Such positive energy and the time just flew by.  The cafe really does have the most positive energy.  The staff as so lovely, welcoming and warm. There was one woman there with the most amazing hair.  It was short at the back with a mass of white/blonde curls on top.

Sophie and Michelle

I told her that I wanted hair like that one day.  And she laughed and said go for it!  I also met Sophie and Michelle who worked there.  The group meet every Sunday, there is no obligation to attend, you just turn up and go with the flow. 

I think I have found my tribe. 

Remarkably, found my way back, in the rain, to the bus stop and eventually to the flat. Once again, the thought of taking up photography crossed my mind. Since arriving in London I am feeling rather creative and I think the writing of my blog has been a major contributory factor to this.  Fortunately, I knew just the person to contact for some professional advice.  

Let me tell you about Chris.  Chris lives in Stoke (that's where I know him from) and takes the most amazing photographs. Ironically, he is one of the guys who messaged me out of the blue on Wednesday (so now you know one of the name on my Bridget Jones list is Chris, but you don't know the other three).  I am in awe of him and his work and he is also (in my humble opinion) a very good artist as well. A very talented and creative guy. I messaged him and asked him for his advice as to what I should be looking at and buying, camera wise.  It is 

a long time since I had a proper camera and things have really changed since then. Chris was absolutely lovely and spent a great deal of time explaining and suggesting models to me and the reasoning behind that choice.  Whilst I am not totally aware what I should be doing, I know now that I will be buying a camera in the next few days and if I get in a pickle with it, Chris said he is more than happy to help me, albeit him living in Stoke, but hey we can figure that out!

I will probably look to 'hang out' with another Meet Up group where I can meet other photographers to get ideas and learn how to use the damn thing.  It got me thinking. Over the past couple of years I have met some wonderful people; people who, if my circumstances had remained the same, I would never have met.  I guess what I am saying is, sometimes something terrible has to happen to enable something wonderful to take place.  I never, in a month of Sundays, would have thought I would ever be living in London.  But here I am. I am writing daily, taking photographs, growing vegetables and smiling every (well almost) day. I am so lucky to be surrounded by such amazing, talented, caring

people. Each one who brings their own special sparkle to light up my life.  Thank you each and every one of you.

Anyway, take a look at his work and let me know what you think.  You can find him on Facebook, just type in Chris Wright Street Photography and you will find him and his wonderful work.  I guess this is the right time to say don't expect the same quality of photos from me.  However, I am quite excited about the prospect of getting out and about and not only writing about my adventures, but also now being able to, hopefully, take some wonderful pictures to accompany my rantings.

So another week and weekend comes to an end.  Time is a funny old thing.  Living in Stoke seems a distant memory now; whilst other situations remain constantly with me even though they are nowhere to be seen.

As always, with my love x

To the heart and mind, ignorance is kind. There's no comfort in the truth pain is all you'll find (Careless Whisper - George Michael)

I am finding it a bit difficult to get my sparkle 100% at the moment

Monday:  I am feeling restless.  This is not good.  I am not even checking the DBS - sod it!  I have been feeling like this the past few days.  Over the past few years, as many of you know, my life has completely changed and I have 'ditched' so much stuff.  Both emotional (well some of that is still hanging around) and material.  This is a positive thing as material items just drag you down and hold you back.  However, whilst this can be a liberating thing it can also add to the feeling of ..................... 'I am off'!  Obviously, I will not be 'off', I would not leave Andy just like that.  But I am really thinking that I am not the sort of person who should be in one place for long.  Gypsy in my soul I guess.

Don't get me wrong, I adore London.  But whilst it is feeding my soul it is also leaving me wanting more!  It has given me conformation that there is so much more to life than being in one place.  I guess it is because I have too much time on my hand at the moment to think; and you know me ................ a typical analytical, methodical, non-trusting Virgo!  I guess this time will pass.

Feet are getting there.  Not brilliant but again so much better.  I will take that. Well today has been the bearer of bad news.  A bomb has gone off in Bangkok, my second home.  I was so upset about it all.  I emailed and messaged people I know out there, my friends.  For those of you who do not know, Bangkok is my second home.  Technology is a wonderful tool and I managed to find out within an hour that those people I know, my friends, were all safe.  So sad.

This evening I hobbled up the road to the Southwark Playhouse to my little Meet Up group.  This walk takes me normally five minutes; tonight it took fifteen and two paracetamol when I got there!  I love this little theatre, it just feels good.  Tonight I saw The Playboy of the Western World.  Apparently, it is a well known play, I had never heard of it.  It was OK.  The Irish dialect was very difficult to follow at times but hey it was a night out with good company and people who are now becoming friends.


Tuesday:  I think one of the hardest lessons I have had to learn the past few years is, that as a single person I have no one to answer for.  I can make my own choices and decisions; good, bad or totally indifferent.  I guess after all those years of putting other people before myself, making sure all was well, I still find this difficult.  It has made me think that, and in particular as women, we are constructed to think of others before our own feelings and are we always seeking approval, regardless of our age?

I am trying not to be harsh on myself as when I look back I have come a long way; but I also realise I have a lot further to go.  Andy, bless him, was talking to me last night and we had a good chat about it all.  I guess the top and bottom of it all is ........ I have absolutely no one to answer to, no one.  If I want to shave my hair off, I can (I don't).  If I want to cover myself in tattoos, I can (I don't) but you get my point.  I do not have to have people pull my strings, I can look after myself, albeit at times not very well.  I do not have to be answerable to any soul.  I know some of you have said you are 'quite envious' of my life because of this.  But please believe me when I say the transition is not as easy at it may appear.

Downloaded some Bananarama and Morrissey as that was really my mood ........ hey who says I am complex :)

Today I went to visit Sarah.  I met Sarah, a fellow blogger and kindred spirit at a Meet Up group.  Sarah is off to Iceland, America and South America on Thursday and intends staying for a few years.  I was suppose to be meeting Sarah at her flat but I was running late, something I never do and ended up meeting her at the storage place.  And it was there and then that I realised that I was watching my own life in a few years time.  She was storing some personal 'stuff' that she did not want to leave in the flat. I knew that someone was sending me a message.  I really do think this will be me one day and it got me remembering the elderly woman I saw at South Mimm's service station years and years ago; the one with a bag on her back trying to hook a lift.  Why have I always remembered that?  And I knew right there and then that I will not remain in London forever.  I will be here for a few years and then I will go.  I know that now more than anything.

The view from Sarah's flat

We went back to Sarah's flat which has the most amazing views and sat laughing and talking and sharing stories. We were looking at her Icelandic currency and her US dollars (of course we were and she is going to bloody Florida in October, of course she is there are only 49 other states to go visit, why am I surprised lol).  We were laughing away at the most silly of things.  A happy time.

On the back of a 1$ bill there is a funny evil eye thing.  Anyone know what that is all about?

I quite fancied this guy he's called Hamilton and apparently he is only one of two that are on notes that have never been Presidents

And this one called Grant has the look of Guy Garvey about him don't you think!

And don't you just love this woman who was a famous embroidery person years ago

I am so envious of her and her carefree spirit to just get up and go and it has made me realise again, that you just have to make things happen and I will.  I made London happen so the next step will be easier.  I have a key to her flat and will keep an eye on it for her whilst she is away.  I am happy to do that.

We then walked into Peckham which was an amazing place.  So full of life and contrast.  No sign of Del Boy or Rodney or the Peckham Spring ....... Thank you Cherise for reminding me of that brilliant episode, so, so funny along with the one about Trigger's broom.  We went to the posh part of Peckham, yes it has a posh part and had cake and watched the world go by.  We had an amazing time.  We ended up, well I ended up dragging her in an African store.  You know me, speak to anyone.  This guy was showing me all the fish he had for sale and meat and I eventually told him I was a vegetarian, it was so funny.  Sarah said that she would never have gone in on her own; I told her this is what I do.  Go around asking questions and meeting people and spreading my sparkle.  I will miss her.  My first real, kindred spirited friend in London.  But, as life has taught me far too many times, life is for living and for moving on.  We will keep in touch and I will read about all her wonderful adventures.  And until I can create some more of my own, I will explore all the other 'Peckhams' in London.  I believe that people come into your life for a reason; either you need them or they need you.  So thank you Sarah for confirming what I already know and safe, safe travels my dear friend ....... until the next time!  Please follow Sarah's blog as she travels.  You can find it at  www.themadwomanintheattic.com

On that note, this week has been rather strange on the men front.  Sigh ...........  I was chatting to Sarah and she summed it up a treat, and apologies here and now to you blokes who read this ........ us women give blokes far too much credit when there is nothing about them to figure out or give them credit for!  I swear I will never ever understand you blokes.  So in the past day I have received two text messages from blokes from the months past; both of which are living still in the North West.  Why? Why now? Both out of the blue. Both not knowing I have moved to London. Both with the same name. A name which is actually on my Bridget Jones don't mess with me or go anywhere near list. Ironically, Drum and Bass guy has the same name so I am expecting him to rock up soon!

As for Bart (sigh), I have listened to my gut feeling over and over again and something was not right and if it does not feel right or if someone gives you numerous reasons to make you feel that way, then you must listen to yourself and that feeling, and I have. He is a really lovely guy and we (well I think so) really liked each other and we had such a laugh, but things did not add up.  And as confusing or as difficult as that may be at times you must always listen to yourself. I have had too many lies over the past few years and now choose not to have any more.  Bart has departed and I shall not be seeing him again (but I hope he is reading this and will keep in touch when he returns to the States as I would like that as I don't give up on people as you know) ..... and as I said to him the only person I have to look after me is me, and that is what I have done, I am looking after me.  But let's face it, they all come back in the end!

So thank you Morrissey for your wisdom .......

I was wasting my time

Trying to fall in love (no not really but you get where I am coming from)

Disappointment came to me and 

Booted me and bruised and hurt me (well my feet at least!)

But that's how people grow up

That's how people grow up

The only problem with this train of thought Morrissey, is I have no intention of growing up!

Wednesday:  New dawn, new day and I'm feeling good!  And I am feeling good.  As Eminem would say 'I have been cleaning out my closet' ..... the one in my head.  Well working on it at least.  I have been so blessed this week as I have heard from so many of you via email, text messages, IM and phone calls. Many of you to check that my friends in Bangkok were safe; they are thank you. And others just to have a chat and a check up; again all good.  Then tonight i am out with Craig (again) for dinner as he is in town for a few days so I am really looking to meet up with him again (notice the 'hang out' has now gone lol).  It amazes me that no matter how old you are, if you are prepared and have an open mind, there is so much still you can learn not only about the world that you are living in but about yourself.  And as I keep saying, people come into your life either as they need to learn from you; or you learn from them.  And I am so happy for the people who have crossed my path since I arrived in London; they have taught me so much.  But as Andy quite rightly states, we can decide who we allow in.  And I must remember that it is a privilege and not an obligation.

So this evening I met up with Craig from Stoke again as he was back in town. I got the bus because of my feet and there was a young woman on there preaching and I mean preaching to the whole bus that we are sinners (mmmm yep) and that God will reject us if we do not repent now.  I was not in the mood.  The one thing I hate is anyone telling me what I should do because they believe it is the right thing for them and their beliefs.  Fortunately, for her she got off at the next stop.  But this is London..  The weather had turned wet and grey so we agreed to meet at Westminster tube station.  So I took this photo whilst I was waiting for him to arrive.

Craig had experienced a 'challenging' day, car trouble. We have all been there with that one haven't we.  I was telling him how happy I am now not to have a car.  We agreed that they are just so expensive to run and just cause trouble.  Thank goodness for my Oyster Card.  We went to West Kensington to a lovely little vegan/vegetarian restaurant.  It was great for me to actually have the choice of absolutely everything on the menu - such a treat!  We had a lovely meal, it really was and it was so good to see the restaurant full on a Wednesday evening.  I think that speaks volumes.  

Craig being Craig and me being me meant that we ended up in a pub and had a rather large gin and tonic each.  The pub was so funny.  The chairs were so high I felt like I had turned up in an episode of the Borrowers.  My poor bruised, swollen feet were dangling about a foot from the floor when I sat down, and that was before I drunk the gin.  Football was on the TV and that just amazes me.  All the blokes (except Craig) were just mesmerised by the football.  I think I was the only one watching the almost pornographic music video being played alongside the football.  That good me thinking about men and football.  I mean can anyone explain that to me?  There have been numerous sociological research papers on the culture of football.  How (mainly) men come together, wearing their tribal colours (football shirts), singing songs and a sort of male bonding session each Saturday.  It just amazes me that these people come from all parts of society: manual workers, professionals, students.  They would have nothing outside that football ground to form a friendship, yet their tribal colours bring them together for those 90 minutes!  Like I said: Men ...... I will never understand them.  And yes before one of you says, I know some women are like this too.

So we got the tube back.  Craig got off at Westminster to get his connection and rattled home, in the rain!  It really was a lovely evening and so good to catch up.  

Thursday:  Well I do not know where summer has gone in London.  I am sitting here, in bed (because to be honest there really is no point getting up yet as I have absolutely nothing to do or get up for) looking out my bedroom window at the Shard.  She (I have gendered the Shard) is surrounded by a grey, cloudy cloak this morning and there is not one patch of blue sky.  Giving the feet a rest this morning.  Last night they looked like they belonged to a Hobbit let alone me.

Bananarama on iPod I left the flat to attend yet another Meet Up in the search for my tribe. Everyone thinks London is overcrowded and noisy.  Sure, of course it is, but just a few minutes from my flat there is peace and quiet.  You turn a corner and the whole feel of the place changes.  So here is some more iron work, which still seems to be my flavour of the month. But notice the leaves are starting to fall.

As always, I was early so popped into Starbuck's for a coffee.  The guy behind the counter did the usual 'Hi how are you, have you had a good day?' routine.  And me, being me, have to be honest and reply that it had not been the best of days.  So Daniel (that was his name) had a lovely chat about how, as polite humans, we rarely say what we really think.  He was a lovely guy with an infectious smile.  I told him I blogged and asked if I could take his photo and he said sure.  So here is Daniel oh and I gave him my blog address too so hopefully he has seen this.  See, things happen when you go outside the door!

So I sat outside Starbuck's drinking my drink that Daniel had made and was right opposite the extension for Tate Modern.  The Tate Modern as many of you may know is housed in and old power station but they are now building an extension. I think it looks rather good.

Went to the Meet Up group which was for people from all around the world and wow!  I had a brilliant night and met so many diverse and interesting people.  Mays took me under her wing (thank you) and she was from Iraq and so was her friend Maya.  They were trying to teach me Arabic.  I told them all I knew was thank you as I had heard it so many times when flying with Qatar and Ethiad Airways.  I also me a Professor of Spanish History called Luis from eh Spain! A lovely woman from Kazakhstan and I told her that I met someone in Bangkok from there when they were lost. I met two guys from India, an annoying guy from Hong Kong who was insistent that we guess what work he does.  It was obviously IT as he had no social skills whatsoever ............... sigh!

A guy from Wales, one from South Africa, a guy from Shoreditch lol then a guy from the Eccleshall Road in Stafford!!! I mean, really!  We then went on to the pub where I was chatting to a guy from Canada and a guy from France.  A really, really interesting evening.  So many people with amazing stories and excellent English.

I walked back to the flat, still with Bananarama singing happily in my headphones.  Andy was still up and I told him about my amazing evening.  Living in a City can be lonely.  But living in Stoke was lonely.  The difference is here is that there are so many opportunities.  Sure, as I walked to the Meet Up last night there were people having a drink or dinner and I thought, oh I want to do that.  But speaking to the others last night they all felt the same.  Funny enough I was talking to the guy from Canada and the guy from France about Tinder.  They were in total agreement with me.  They don't particularly like it but how do you, in this day and age, meet people?  Matthew, the French guy and me, were chatting about on line dating and social interaction for about an hour and still couldn't work it out.  We come to the conclusion that the answer was 42!

                                                  

Friday:  Walked up to the Community Garden this morning and spent an hour there.  I planted some winter vegetables so fingers crossed.  Also the lettuce is started to come up and the tomatoes are doing well.  Feet ache this morning so have just dossed around the flat. But I have yet another Meet Up tonight so thought it best to rest up.  

I have spent some time today designing some business cards.  This is something you never think you have to do.  But in London, everyone has a card to hand out so I thought when in Rome ....... well London but you get what I mean.  

So another night, another Meet Up.  This one was originally called 'I speak to anyone' and I thought, mmmm that sounds just like me.  It is at Shoreditch, which at one time, was a no go area of London, but is now the home of the beardy hipster apocalypse ...... Sign! It is a tough job for a girl to do, but I am sure I will rally round.  I am going to leave early, just in case I get lost or need more time to have a look around before I go to the venue.  

The Universe delivered.  The train was full of Australian men coming home from the Oval!  Sigh!  I do like the Australians, they still make me chuckle.  Arrived at Old Street and I am getting to know that area now.  I had a look down Kingsland Road.  Ghostbuster and Bart had both told me about the Vietnamese restaurants down there.  There were so many to choose from.  I will defiantly go back and have a look.  

I found the venue for the Meet Up.  It was like someone's living room. An eclectic mix of furniture and furnishings but such a warm, welcoming feel to it.  You helped yourself to the various teas and coffee and there was a wide selection of food.  I made myself a green tea and started to mingle.  I won't lie to you, it was a bit difficult at first.  But a guy called Kurwin (probably not spelt right) sat next to me and we chatted away.  He was a Deputy Manager in a children's nursery. We chatted away and the place soon filled up, with my kind of people.  Daniel (in Thailand) you would absolutely love it sweetheart.  Such energy and light.  

I ended up spending the majority of the evenings speaking to a woman from Lithuania about ...................... men and relationships!  She has just gone through a nasty break up.  It got me thinking.  Is it the same the whole world over? Is there any hope for any of us?  We sat and chatted for ages, sitting on comfy chairs by the windows (that were open) over looking Shoreditch High Street where the world and his wife were passing.  I then realised that it was 23:20 and the last tube is around 00:20.  Living in London is like being Cinderella (or Tinderella if the other night's Meet Up conversation was anything to go by).  You have to be on the way home by midnight.  If not, it would have been a couple of night buses.  Which is OK, but not ideal.

I said my goodbyes and had so many hugs from people, and you know me,hugs are always good and off I trotted back to the tube.  It is really funny when you are sober and al those around you are drunk. The bars were heaving and everyone was in a happy mood.  I do like the feel of Shoreditch. Vibrant and diverse.  I got to the tube and it was so busy.  There was a busker on the platform and we all started singing along with him to There Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone.  It really was a great atmosphere.

Managed to get a seat on the tube which was a miracle as it was so busy.  Then, at the next stop, verification that anything goes in London.  Three guys go on the train dressed as Ghostbusters.  Of course they were. If they hadn't have been that they would have had bloody skateboards or a cow bell around their neck.  I must say, they costumes were very good.  They did not speak to each other or to anyone and I had to work really hard to not laugh.  But hey, that is London anything goes.

Got back to the flat turned midnight ........ and collapsed in bed.  It had been a good night.   

As always, with my love x