I once had a therapist called Karen ......................

So another weekend.  My previous life was structured by school holidays and I cannot believe that once again, the schools break up for the summer holidays next week. Where is this year going?  I have been in London now 14 weeks ..... where has that time gone.  But when I look back over those 14 weeks, well I have had a blast. I have done some brilliant things and met some amazing people. I have done some crazy things and pushed the boundaries to say the least but I have embraced this opportunity and hit the ground running. Life is good (at last) on the whole and for that I am thankful.

Saturday:  Lazy morning.  I stripped the bed.  I didn't bother doing it after Jackie went home on Saturday as she spent the whole night sleeping on the floor (yes you did read that correctly) wedged between my bed and the window (see last week's blog), so it seemed a waste.  Whilst stripping the bed I found a pair of knickers; mmm not boxers but ladies knickers.  I have messaged Jackie for her to confirm, please, that they are hers.  But I am now wondering if there is still something else I cannot remember from last Friday night lol. Only I could have my first lesbian experience and not remember a thing about it!  That night keeps giving and giving  ................

So bed stripped, washing on and now for some me time.  This weekend reminds me of when I was living at Wetley Rocks.  I used to finish work at 4.30 ish on a Friday and never see or speak to any one else until Monday morning.  Sometimes it was OK, I don't mind being on my own; but generally as the weeks passed, it was hell.  I love to be around people and living there was just suffocating me.  But today, at the moment, I choose not to go out and are treating myself to me time whilst I have the flat to myself.  So shower, painted toe nails ...... they are so ugly lol but at least I can coat them in some colour!  I am suppose to be out tonight on a new Meet Up. We shall see. I have tried a few groups since arriving in London.  I guess it is about finding the right one for me.  I like my 'theatre group' they are a lovely mixed bunch of people.  But unfortunately a couple of the other groups I have attended have been, how can I put this, not for me!

So I decide to go, especially as I had been lazy all day.  Even if I say so myself, I looked rather presentable and told myself that above all else, it will save me from cooking tonight as it was a Thai meal and as many of you know, my favourite food from my favourite part of the world.  I walked in the late afternoon sunshine up to Southwark and found the restaurant quite easily.  I really am finding my way around now.  The guy who organised it took my money and I had to wear a wrist band (again, remember G.A.Y. last week!) to ensure I got half price drinks.  I look around at the others at the Meet Up and thought, yep I need a drink.  So I am at the bar getting a gin and tonic and another newbie joins me.  She was a lovely woman who ordered the Pina Colada ..... without the alcohol.  I started to speak to her because hey, you know me, chat to anyone.  She said that she was a Christian and did not drink ..............

We were called to sit for the meal and the non-alcoholic sat to my right and I saw a guy, well I can't say push his way, but he made sure that he was sitting opposite me.  He sat down and said 'Hello, I am Tom'.  I looked.  He was probably my 'real' age, biros in shirt pocket which always makes me cautious and especially on a Saturday and a copy of last night's Standard by the side of him and a ying and yang ring (which he later showed me) on his little finger ........ See MI6 really should be employing me, I keep saying it.  Wishing to be polite (as I was still sober at this point) I said 'Hello Tom, pleased to meet you.  I am Karen'.  His response was, in a monotone voice 'Oh I had a therapist once called Karen'.  And at that point, without another thought, I just knew it was going to be a crap evening, no matter how much alcohol I consumed!

The Thai waitress was lovely and I explained to her I was vegetarian and adjusted my menu choice accordingly.  Tom interrogated me about this, in fact about everything, in the same, flat, mono-toned voice.  I could see people to the left of me laughing, joking and having a fun time.  The non-alcoholic Christians to the right were at least talking and to be perfectly frank at one point, looked a much better option.  And then there was me and Tom, opposite each other.  You could see that the rest of the group were relaxed safe in the knowledge that Little Miss Soft Touch was looking after him ........ sigh.  

Some of Tom's gems were (and you are going to love these, especially those of you who know me)

• You are very confident aren't you? .... Yes, thank goodness I am
• It is nice to have someone to talk too, most people don't say much to me ... Yes, because I am too nice at times
• You travel on your own.  Why don't you book a guided tour and travel with a group ........ me, really?
• Oh you like music.  I have seen Rod Stewart and Kylie was really good .... sigh
• Do you belong to any other Meet Up groups .... I am beginning to think they do not work for me in London :(
• Is that necklace you are wearing significant? ....... yes I bought it when I was visiting Australia at the Great Barrier Reef
• Have you been to the Great Barrier Reef ..... no, never, don't know where I got this necklace!
• You are a very good talker and have a lovely smile ....... yep I can talk for England and I hear that quite a lot now about my smile.  In fact, it has taken over from the 'you don't come from round here do you' statement.  That one makes me really happy as I never used to smile and especially like I do now, so I just love it when someone says that to me .... even Tom

I run out of gin before the main course and went and got a cocktail. Desperate times means desperate measures and in this case, larger measures in a cocktail called Sex on the Beach which to be perfectly frank, was looking like a much more enjoyable evening.  We have a 'beach' now for the children at the South Bank .... just in case you were wondering.  The consumption of alcohol was more of a necessity.  So that was very much the evening.  Towards the end, some people had left.  But not Tom. He was there for the whole duration of the meal.  Then two other guys joined us and I swear they could see the internal agony I was hiding.  One was called Liam from Auckland, New Zealand who was telling me Jackie how windy Wellington is lol.  And another guy whose name I did not catch you sat and spoke to Tom. Which at least gave me a break; albeit a bit too late to restore the happy, exciting mood I went out with.

I decided that I was going to bail out and not go for drinks afterwards, I mean what was the point.  I decided to go and the other guy who was talking to Tom said oh stay, I will get you a drink. He seemed OK, gay as a picnic and I have enough gay and glitter in my life.  So it was time to exit stage left.  I said goodbye to Liam, the other guy and of course Tom saying that I need to be somewhere else.  Trust me, anywhere was more favourable at this point. You know it is crap when you go out wearing your shades and go home wearing your shades ........... not because it is 7.00am but because it is still the same day.

On the way home I thought that I needed to liven up my life and evening.  So decided that I would have a threesome.  So me, Ben and Jerry and the Caramel Sutra had a moment.  I had to smile because even they melted far too soon because of the heat in the flat.  Says it all really.  Even the glass of wine didn't help.  I think, on reflection, I shouldn't be surprised.  There are almost 8 million people living in this city so the odds are stacked against me; or, every day is an opportunity.  I guess it is how I choose to look at it.  So yes, every day is an opportunity.  And above all else, my life gives you something to laugh at ......... doesn't it? :)

And indeed I can now ......... and I did and have on numerous occasions

Sunday:  Strange dream.  The sad thing is, I know where all the scenarios come from.  I was on a coach trip to Wales (tick, the Welsh bit). It was up a huge mountain (tick, the mountain ....... yes, yes, yes I know).  The coach drives off and leaves my bag on the bus.  There is a guy there who works where I used to work (honestly ... tick) No one gave a monkeys and then someone starts to be sexist and telling me what I should do (tick) so I challenge them (tick) ....... then I wake up. Odd. Even when I am sleeping, my mind is still racing.  When I was a child my Mum and Dad took me to the Doctors as I was always asleep but with my eyes open.  He just said I found it hard to switch off and that is still the same.  I rarely sleep before midnight and I still dream in colour.

So Sunday morning.  In fact it could be any day at the moment sigh.  Muesli in bed and no before any of you think it, this is not a euphemism for  ..... well anything. I have just checked my stats on my blog and wow.  So many hits in one day from all corners of the world.  I am really amazed about this.  So thank you guys; spread the word.  It is all good.  

Quiet day today (again). Checked my finances ...... that cheered me up no end! Not.  Only I could be living in one of the most expensive cities in the world and not be earning a penny! Checked the DBS ........ page down for maintenance.  Grey and cloudy in London which kind of summed up my mood.  Watched some tennis, sigh, bloody Swiss hats everywhere - will that ever go away! Fell asleep.  Woke up. Did some ironing (you bored yet?  I am).  Cooked some dinner and watched back to back episodes of Spooks which let's face it, is only adding to my thoughts and paranoia. 

I have not stepped outside of the flat today.  I haven't even seen an aeroplane as they are flying a different way.  The phone has rang once and my only human voice has been from a PPI voicemail message. Sad but true. But hey, this time will pass.  It is because every day is like Sunday (I love that song) and I know when I start work it will all be so different.  I don't think the non-success of the Meet Up last night helped the matter either! I really need to be finding my tribe, but I have no idea where they are!

The rest of the day was also as exciting ...... not! Well unless you count me and Noel Gallagher in bed.  Well he is on the TV and I am in bed.  I know that I have mentioned this before, but it is so funny when you hear a song that takes you back to a completely different place and time.  For me that is Champagne Supernova ....... fond memories.

 I have just checked my stats before I post this blog and boy I have now had 85 hits in one day to this blog, how great is that. So thank you all for taking the time to read this it really does mean a great deal to me.

So bring on another week full of opportunities and adventures ...... who knows what it will bring.

As always, with my love x