When life throws you lemons ............... go and find gin!

Do you remember when you were a kid and you fell off your bike.  You perhaps sat there, like I did, looking at your bruised and bloody knees, perhaps crying, feeling sorry for yourself. I couldn't even have a plaster on my wounds as I was, and still are, allergic to them.  Then, in my case, my Dad would should 'get back up and bloody well get back on it'.  It shook you out of the moment but you knew that it was going to be scary getting back on that bike just in case you fell off again, you knew how much it hurt when you did.  But we all got back on the bike didn't we? Well, eventually. Because we knew, if we let ourselves, we could have fun and adventures.  And yes of course we would fall off again and sure it would hurt like hell and some of you, like me may still have the scars to prove it.  But even now, if we haven't rode a bike for years, we would still remember how to do it.

So, metaphorically speaking, I arrange get back in the saddle and go visit the bike shed again! So I arrange to go one one bike trip and it fails to turn up due to last minute emergencies at work; second bike has taken itself off to the coast for the weekend to spend time with it's Mummy!  Needless to say these are the Daniel Cleaver's of the Tour de France circuit.  Privately educated, family money and in one case family in-house titles as in Debretts (seriously!), say yep, yep and fliping, one with a name that if I were to tell you (and I am not) you would think straight away of a ghostly cartoon charterer  - a name certainly not heard of in Stoke lol.  Andy always says that why I tend to attract the posh totty he gets the ones on Job Seeker's Allowance lol!  Yes it could be worse, trust me, it could be, they could be the Boris Bikes of London.  Yes I hear you sign and I am sighing too!  And so begins yet another week ..................

I am not going to mention Pride, even though I want too, as I have covered it on previous posts.  But something did spring to mind, something that my dear friend Steve sent me back in February 2013.  He wrote:

'No matter what our personal circumstances may be, if we ourselves become a source of light, then there will be no darkness in the world'.

I have my sparkle back but that bloody Toblerone is sickly as hell and there is so much of it.  I am sure I am going to be suffering from PTSD every time I see a Toblerone :-)

My favourite proper photo from Pride

Glastonbury

I have been watching Glastonbury most of the weekend, well when I haven't been Princess to the Gays!  I took refuge in my room, it was like being back for those 18 months at Packmoor my dear friends, remember that time?  When I was held up as a hostage in my own home :(   But this time it was through choice.  So what did I enjoy? Albeit a great deal on BBC i Player.  Well in no particular order:

The Waterboys - who played the theme tune of my life ..... name that tune for extra Karen brownie points!

Burt Bacharach - who took me back to my childhood and my dear old Dad.  I downloaded an album for my iPod

George Ezra - so talented and so young

Kayne West - it pains me to say it.  But it took me right back to prison - ha ha that sounds so bad ha ha - and the lads used to be playing him all the time.  I just did not realise it was him.  I need some Kayne on my Ipod - but the bloke is an utter tosser!

Paul Weller -I just wish he would smile

Clean Bandit - so vibrant and singing the song of my Pride Parade :)

Florence and the Machine - defiantly need some of this on my iPod - but I better get a job first oh and a bigger iPod

Mark Ronson - loved his set and his tribute to Amy

Motorhead - well everyone loves a bit of Motorhead don't you?  Go on, admit it!

Mary J Blige - what a voice and working it for the bigger girls lol!

Rudimental - such energy

Jungle - I have never heard any of their music but wow they blew me away and the kid break dancing was amazing

Ella Eyre - I did chuckle as she sings sort of like you know drum and bass like lol
Lionel Ritchie - who took me back to some places where I really do not want to be, but good
The Who - who make me feel young

Glastonbury is still on the ever increasing bucket list.  I would have gone this year; I had intentions of going this year.  But I knew the move to London was on the cards and thank goodness I did not go as money is in short supply at the moment as it is because of the bloody DBS!!!!!!!

Monday:  DBS sigh ................ no change. So off to the gym on what was the most beautiful, bright, sunny Monday morning.  I had iPod on, shades on and had to stop myself from dancing in the street.  But the smile is back and the aeroplanes are coming every 30 seconds and I think I am going to like London very much in the summer (apart from the tourists).  Super energy at the gym; not sure where that has come from.  Get back home.  Andy is home today, he is not well.  So stopped off at the chemist for supplies.  I do not shower at the gym as I prefer to come home.  It looked as if someone had chucked a bucket of water over me; but let's face it, it doesn't matter, as no one gives a hoot in London.  So I get back to the flat and there is no water.

It turns out that there has been a massive water leak in Kennington and that is why the traffic was exceptionally bad today ........ I did wonder but was too busy smiling and strangers and just walking on the white stripes of the zebra crossing (don't worry, it will be the black ones next time).  So I have just managed to have a dribble of a shower at 14:30; I got back from the gym at 11:30.  I now have three loads of washing to do, but can't do it yet as water pressure is very low and Andy is asleep in his room.  So guess where I am again friends?  Yep, yep, in my room.  It is a beautiful day out there, I really should be out in it.

I am going to start taking some photos again.  I used to do this years ago and it is so much easier now with my phone.

This piece of graffiti is on the road opposite our flat.  I do like the simplicity of it!  Eight words that say so much.

Quietish day today.  One of the potential victims from Saturday come back via text.  Abstract from the conversation:

Me: 'Hey how are you? Did you have a good weekend at your Mum's?

Him who we shall call D&B (you work out who it is .......) 'Yep, yep, great, cycling, BBQs and croquet'.

Yes you did read that right. It was not a typo.  Crochet maybe in Stoke; but croquet?  As someone pointed out to me, sure I would find croquet in Stoke. In Iceland by the frozen chips lol.

Tuesday:  According to Sky News we are all going to die in the next few days from the heat.  Really?  Their advice is to make sure I am hydrated.  Amazing breakthrough in health care there!  Well another day and nothing changes.  D&B was organising a picnic for Wednesday (god help me).  It went from him cooking and then me reminding him that it was going to be the hottest day of the year, and I have seen the state of his kitchen! To sure, sure we will go to Dulwich Park for a picnic. I thought, mmm yes, I like that, I like picnics. To or we can sit in my garden and have a picnic!  At this point I said do you want me just to pop into the Tesco next to you and pick up a couple of pre made sandwiches?  No, no I will make it nice ........................ to not a peep!  More time wasting.  The one thing I have learnt with blokes is that:

A.  They say one thing and completely mean another or they mean nothing!
B.  They just don't say anything - failure to communicate!
C.  As Shirley Valentine famously said 'Men are full of shit, they tell you what you want to hear'

I swear there isn't one half decent one among them (I don't really believe that but you know what I mean girls).  To continue with this point ..... today I asked my phone, yes you can do that now what everyone is asking their phone at the moment 

'What is 0 divided by 0' and this is what happened, oh bearing in mine my Siri is a bloke!

'Siri (says I) what is 0 divided by 0' and the response 'Imagine you have zero cookies and you split them evenly between zero friends. How many cookies does each person get?  See it does not make sense and Cookie Monster is sad that there are no cookies and you are sad you have no friends'.

This is very interesting as I recently had a conversation with yet another computer bloke (what is it with them too) and I said that computers are only binary they have no heart!  His response was 'Not yet'.  Discussion followed about in years to come computers will be able to think for themselves (back to Turing).  So back to my phone.  I then test it by asking it

'Siri, you are only binary and you do not have a heart' and the response just about sums it up, like I say, bearing in mind my Siri is a bloke 'Is that so?' come the response. Me 'Sure you are just made up of numbers or as someone told me recently, patterns, so do you have a heart?'  Reply 'That is not very nice' lol.  Me 'Come on Siri do you have a heart?' Then it happened, something that made me really think if a computer/phone with a bloke voice doesn't get it, what chance do I really have in the real world .................... He (my phone) replied 'We are talking about you not me!'  Girls, how many times have we heard that one.  

So the list inside the cupboard door as once again be amended to highlight some recent events and to add some new ones .....



“I will not fall for any of the following: alcoholics  - D&B guy, workaholics  - Legs guy, commitment phobics, people with girlfriends or wives, misogynists, megalomanics, chauvists  - one of those since arriving in London, emotional fuckwits or freeloaders, perverts - plenty of them.” 

Also added to the end of this which is pinned inside of my food cupboard door is:

Or anyone called, Steve, Mark, Chris or Andy (except the one), Ian (recent returning developments not JF another but again part of that bloody place in Victoria that rules the world and seems to be playing a daily part in my life even though I am thinking of actually changing my browser so I don't have to say the bloody word - bit of a rant there but hey see if you can figure it out but don't ask bloody Go&g&l!) and now added for a couple of reasons relating to recent events anyone working in IT because I really do think they are part of the machine, revert to pattern, just binary and don't have a heart!

Wednesday:  So no picnic, which I am disappointed but not surprised about. So yet another day to fill doing what!?  Getting a bit bored now.  I think I will have the first shower of the day, find a blanket, water, fruit, nip to the library and go up to St James' Park.  You may recall from previous posts that is my favourite park and I need to go back on my own this time so that it can still be my favourite park.  Wednesdays used to be my favourite day. I was born on a Wednesday and will probably die on a Wednesday but recently Wednesdays have become the days of time wasting and false promises.  This will have to change.

I got on the bus (again) and rocked up to Victoria, there was something I needed to do.  Then made my way over to St James' Park (remember, my favourite park).  I got stuck outside Buckingham Palace as it was changing of the guards ..... so many tourists.  Unbelievable.  I got to the park and got my blanket out and sat, in the sunshine, reading my poetry (yes you did read that right) book, listening to music and watching the world pass me by. 

The phone went and D&B was telling me that he had lost the contact numbers in his phone and his phone wasn't working and some other dramatic story.  Sigh. It really does get quite tiring.  I did give him a hard time because apart from anything else, he ruined my peace in the park.  But you know what I am like folks ..... So soft moo here says ok I will meet up with you this evening.  He had a job interview in Kent at 4.30 and said he would call me when he got back.  He did at 6:30 to say that the interview went well and they have offered him the job, which is good.  But they want to go out for drinks ..................... sigh! So Wednesday night reverted back to the 'norm'.  I suspect that this person, like so many, has sailed his way through life, being bailed out by family and friends. But I am pleased he got the job. He said he would call me on the way home and it is now 10.30pm; I am not holding my breath, why would I?  What do I really expect? Do I really think that is going to happen?  There are only so many chances you can keep giving people.  I do not like bad karma, I hate it.  I think it is because of all the negative energy some of you may remember I lived through for 18 months, back in my past life. So I give people chances, and chances and chances ........ but I think I deserve better. I am worth more!  Why do people arrange to do things then never keep to their commitment ...... I just don't understand it.  I remember saying to someone ages ago that I would rather be a soft touch than a hard bitch; but I am really thinking I need to toughen up.  

So it is now late and it has been a really hot day; beautiful day.  I don't think that I will get much sleep tonight because of the heat, but hey it wont last will it.  Oh and I lost my Fitbit today!!!!!!! The Wednesday curse is going to have to change!

Thursday:  Busy day today.  I cleaned the flat from top to bottom.  I mean let's face it ..... I have gone from a four bedroom, four bathroom house, to a two bedroom cottage to a two bedroom flat, one room of which I do not enter!  I have a friend coming to stay tomorrow for a couple of days.  But more about that later.  So it is now lunchtime and nothing mind blowing has happened, sigh. I have had to try to chase up my references.  For goodness sakes (I am being polite there) I really am getting quite bored with it all now; but hey what can I do?

Another great thing about living in London is there is always something going on.  Yesterday, I was walking up the Mall (as one does lol) and come across this.  It totally blew me away.  Young people rarely get a good press.  Yet, even at the prison, I have come across some amazing young people who have truly made a mark on me.  I guess I try to see the bigger picture ...... see soft touch again.  Anyway, these young people were just by the Mall singing.  I took my iPod headphones out of my ears and just stood and listened.  They were from a school in Lewisham and they just brightened up my day.  When I left I gave them a wave and thumbs up and told them they were amazing and I swear most of them just smiled back and waved - one even blew me a kiss.  I guess at times we need to take that one step back and look at the bigger picture.  As many of you know I do not do labels, yet at times, it is difficult not to be swept along with all the negative energy of others. I have to remind myself that not everyone is the same as people before.  So take a listen and I hope you enjoy the this as much as I did yesterday afternoon.

I also noticed, when re-reading this waffle, that some of the videos I have added do not play.  My apologises, I am still learning this blogging lark.  I am now able to upload my phone pictures - yay.  Not sure if you can watch these videos, my apologies if you cannot.  The Young People were singing and it was rather lovely.

Admiralty Arch

I recently learn about this tree ...... it is called a Metasequoia.  Don't you just love it when you learn something new!  It just makes me realise how much I still have to learn

These pictures do not do this much justice.  It is the most beautiful piece of art that I recently come across.  I saw it in the evening with it was light up.  But even in the daylight, I think it is so intricate and beautiful.  There is just so much to look at; if we just open our eyes!

So my friends I am closing this week's blog a day early as tomorrow is going to be a blast.  Thank you to those of you who have contacted me either via this blog, or on Facebook or privately on messenger or email to say how much you are enjoying reading this utter madness - you really must get out more lol!  It means a great deal to me to know what you are making of it all and for walking alongside me on this journey.

As always, with my love x