There is a pigeon in the bathroom ........ what am I going to do?

You know it is going to be a strange week when at 4.00am all is well and then by 7.00am Andy goes into the bathroom to get ready for work and there is a pigeon in there! He had to sort of chase it around and shove it out of the window.  Apparently, it was pooping everywhere and flew into the window before he managed to set it free.  He is now known as Dick Dastardly (remember Wacky Races ........ catch the pigeon lol)  Oh how I would have like to have witnessed that if I am honest.  I mean can you imagine just going into your bathroom and there is a pigeon sitting there lol. I told him that means there is going to be a death; having a bird fly into the house (I don't think he was really bothered to be honest).  Ten minutes later, there is a horrendous screech of brakes and a crunch outside my window ...... no death fortunately but a motorbike in the side of car.  And I haven't even got out of bed yet.  It is not boding well is it my friends? And so starts yet another week.

Yep ..... I still walk down the street smiling!

Monday:  Plenty of energy this morning considering I only had a few hours sleep!  Off I trotted to the gym.  I have not been for a week because of the really hot weather but I did OK.  I worked well. Come back to the flat, showered pottered around and sat and watched some tennis and promptly fell asleep!  So really a quiet day ..... again! But if things pan out as they should do, the rest of the week will be rather busy.

Tuesday:  A day of reflection to day.  It is the 10th Anniversary of the London Bombings.  It feels strange waking up in the city today, seeing places on the TV that are now all too familiar to me.  Tavistock Square - where I often sit and read, Russell Square tube station with the most beautiful Victorian architecture and St Paul's where, if I wanted to, I can catch a bus from right outside of my flat. Ten years ago my life was completely different.  'We' as a family woke at 7.00am and me always the news freak put the TV on.  But 'we' were in Florida on holiday and it was 12 noon in London.  I can remember all of us sitting in one bed just watching it on the American news.  My thoughts went straight to my friends who I know worked (and still do) in London.  I remember feeling really useless, that I could do nothing.  At that point you must remember no one really knew what was going on, the situation was not clear.  If more bombs were going off, who did it, why?  We decided that day to just have a quieter day.

But do you know everywhere 'we' went that day Americans were asking us if our families were safe, did we need to go home, was all well?  That night we watched the news again and there was a US reporter outside of I think it was King's Cross.  They were broadcasting and then a guy, just a typical bloke, stood behind the US reporter and started shouting that the US need to take stoke, terrorism has roots everywhere, Bush's stance on Iraq was flawed, that kind of stuff.  I will always remember this ..... the cut the transmission and went back to the studio where the US anchor person said 'Our apologises for this.  That guy is obviously very, very, intoxicated with liquor' ..... that guy was not drunk, not at all.  I wonder where that guy is today.  Life is fragile.  We are all so fragile.  With a blink of an eye our lives can be completely changed.  We can find ourselves in a place, a hell, where we would never choose to put our worse enemies.  But, as humans, we also have strength.  London is strong today.  I remember when I first left school I started to work in London and it was the time of the IRA bombings.  I remember my Nan saying to me she did not want me working in London because of the IRA.  I said to her then as I say to you now; if it is my time to leave this wonderful life through the hand of a terrorist - so be it.  But we all must live our life and dance to our own tune and not be fearful and terrified of the fear of others.

So a bit of a naff day if I am to be honest.  The days are getting too long now.  I need structure I need something else in my life.  Checked DBS - no change.  But I have also contact Fitbit and it looks as if they will be replacing my monitor for me; so fingers crossed.  Andy and I ordered pizza for tea because we both felt meh.  So, once again, I am pregnant waiting to give birth to it.  Still a new dawn a new day tomorrow and that means more opportunities.

Wednesday:  As many of you know I do not believe in coincidences.  How could I.  This is the woman who was at the Great Barrier Reef who made friend with a lovely woman called Emma who lived in Toronto, who jogged passed my friend Ann who lives in Liverpool daughter's home every morning!  True.  This is the woman who attended an OU tutorial in Birmingham who spoke to a woman whose best friend was buying my home in Stoke. Of course they were.  This is the woman who just yesterday, was on a, and I use this word very loosely, 'dating site' and matched with a bloke.  Who was living in Alsager, two miles up the road from my old home .................. of course he was. Even though he was showing as living in London.

So my dear friend Jackie has witnessed some of this 'madness' when she was down and obviously other madness when I lived in Stoke.  So today we have declared ........ enough.  No more bloody Swiss things.  Over the past week or so this very small country has been reminding me at every opportunity, that it exists.  Sigh.  We are going to get through the next 24 not being neutral lol!  To date me and Jackie have had the following ........ I do not lie!  You really could not make it up could you?

• Coaches going by my flat when I am trying to cross the road from that bloody place, with the flag on the side of the coach - really!
• The only aeroplane in the sky last Friday that me and Jackie could see that was a Swiss Air one ..... of course it was!
• St Bernard Dog photos on the tube (yes, I know)
• Swatch watch stall at Victoria
• Swiss Army towel for sale in a magazine I was reading in the doctors yesterday - I know (rolls eyes at the memory)
• Toblerones for sale in the 99p shop lol lol ..... not as big as my one though lol
• Jackie going to the loft yesterday looking for something and the first box she opens were the cow bells she bought when she was in Switzerland years ago!
• Television adverts for a train/coach holiday to that bloody place
• Jackie's grand-daughter's friend turning up with a present for her ...... a bloody Toblerone
• 6 foot 11 inches tennis player ...... OK not Swiss but it is significant!
• Zurich insurance adverts, continuously, on the TV
• Guy riding his bike whilst I am trying to cross the road wearing a Swiss flag/cross thing t shirt
• Ending up, again sigh, in St James' Park and Victoria Saturday when Jackie was down for the weekend
• FIFA continually on the news (where is their HQ?)
• My lovely, lovely George Michael is in therapy where?
• Jackie's son ringing her and asking her if she saw the big Swiss clock in the window display of the M&M shop in Leicester Square
• Federer (sigh)
• Everyone (slight exaggeration  ....) in Asda buying a Toblerone

That bloody search engine that everyone uses to find the answers to these questions as that is just as bad (for two reasons I mean does everyone work for them in London?) and how many times a day do we say I will G*%g£e that! But not today, G*9o$le, not today! As today I will use explorer 

So today was very exciting as I went firstly to the library and then to Kennington to my little coffee place for a quick cuppa then to my new hairdressers which is just across the road.  Now guys, I do not expect you to get this, but girls I know you will.  I had to find a new hairdressers.  My lovely friend Cheryl who has been looking after my locks for four years is in Stoke; and I am now in London ....... you do the maths!  So after a great deal of research, I found a new place in Kennington which is in walking distance.  I was obviously apprehensive but I am pleased to say that Claire has made a great job of it.  Colour matched really well and gave it a lovely cut.  I am still growing my fringe out (Cheryl it is driving me mad but I will stick with it) but I am really, really pleased with the results.  Sure it cost me more, but hey I am living in London now.  But on the whole, cost was it was OK and will be fine once I start working. I will be returning.  Oh and just in case you were wondering no Swiss products were used on my hair and she was from London and no Toblerone's left in the 99p shop ......... 

So this evening I have been on a Meet Up to our local theatre.  I met two women there who also blog - how cool is that?  We all had a fantastic evening and the play was really good.  I can't tell you how much I enjoy visiting the theatre and galleries and museums.  And to have a fantastic theatre just round the corner is brilliant.    The play was quite 'high brow' but really good and it kept my interest throughout.  Interesting audience too consisting of Mariella Frostrup, Marcus Brigstocke and Charles Dance.

On the way home I took a look at our newest attraction.  Squatters have taken over the pub on the roundabout.  The pub closes a few months ago as someone had their eye taken out by a person using a biro ........... yes you heard that right. I have you know that I now live in a very exclusive part of London lol. Foxton's (who for those who do not know are a firm of estate agents) are moving into the pub but the squatters have got their first.  They are protesting against the gentrification of the area amongst other things.  Every night they provide a free vegan meal at 6.00pm; they have free books, clothes and food for people and there will be live music there on Saturday night and the 'centre' is open for all ...... I might just have to have a walk up and take a look.

My new neighbours - the squatters!

Thursday:  Sunny morning so walked along to Asda to collect a parcel.  I had a fit of the giggles half way there just thinking about last weekend and how good it was.  Get to Asda and I swear, if I get through the rest of the day with out unleashing the flying monkeys it will be a miracle. What is it with bloody Toblerones??? Three, yes three children I saw with them, it is like a badge of honour, a light sabre.   And for the pleasure of being slowly tortured by type 2 diabetes Swiss style was duly overcharged by £2 on my bill.  It was one of those buy three items for £5 ..... mmm not £7.  I might be terrible at maths but I know my money.  Had to wait ages to be seen by Customer Services who finally, after a great deal of effort, refunded me my money.  Then I went to Click and Collect place.  I clicked and waited and waited and eventually a guy come with the person who arrived after me, parcel.  I asked him where mine was and he disappeared.  Eventually, the security guard come to see if he could help.  Thirty minutes I waited and they gave me one parcel; I had two.





So I decided to 'complain' something that I don't like doing.  I asked to speak with the duty manager and eventually up rolled this guy who was a lot taller than me, but let's face it, most people are; he stood in front of me, legs apart and folded his arms.  So I will ask you this question now ........ a poxy computer could not read body language; but I can.  I thought, not today Asda, not today.  Anyway, I worked my charm and explained the situation to him and how disappointed I was with the service.  He said 'wait here, I will get you something' and for a split second, just for a second I thought to myself ...... if it is a bloody Toblerone I will batter him with it!  It wasn't; it was a gift token and an apology.

Bus home and have just had a lovely chat to Jackie on the phone and we were talking and laughing.  So no need to be unleashing the flying monkeys yet ..... but I think it is going to be a long few days.  And if one more person asks me when am I starting work yet I will scream.  Like I want to be sitting around earning no money and doing very little.  I have too much time to think and when I do, it is about negative things.  

Next week, next Friday I am dreading.  As far as I can tell, Megan will be graduating.  I was the pushy parent, the one who went to every harvest festival, nativity play, open evening, sports day, parent's evening, music lesson, music exam and anything else you care to think of. But will not be there for her graduation day.  Three years have passed in a blink of an eye and it makes me so, so sad.  I told someone recently that this is my Achilles' heel and since moving to London I try to contain it.  Some of you may not know but before I left Stoke I had a tattoo, yes I know, me lol.  It is on my left shoulder and it in relation to Meg.  So if I think of her (like now) or see something I thinks she would like or a memory say a song or a TV programme or film you will see me every now and then just rub my left shoulder - where she is.

So next Friday I have one of two choices: treat it as yet another Friday, put it in a box and add it to all the other 'stuff' on my left shoulder, pick a smile out of a bag, put it on and make out that nothing is happening and if anyone asks, I am fine, it is just another Friday and this time will pass.  Or torture myself more, get the tube go up to Queen Mary's. I guess grab a coffee somewhere as near as I can be and pretend and imagine I am part of her special day, by just being close as near as I can be.  Either way is not right and either way is not fair.  But I guess none of this has been fair on me from the start.  I will not decide what to do now, I guess the Universe can decide again for me nearer the time.  But all I do know is, no matter how much time passes, the pain does not go away and more and more opportunities are lost. I would like to post a picture now. But two years ago when I did, someone (I guess Megan) reported me to Facebook for using an image without the person's permission and I had my account suspended whilst it was sorted out, so I better not.  But just to let you know, I wanted too. So next Friday afternoon, around 15:00 please raise a glass, cup or smile for my Megan as she graduates.  I am so proud of her and I guess Megan will always be my Rosebud.

Friday:  Woke up a bit meh today.  I don't know why, the sun is shining and I have so much to be thankful for; I guess just one of those days. I am rubbing my left shoulder a great deal. I went to the gym but to be honest, my heart wasn't in it.  But I stayed 45 minutes.  It is such a beautiful day but it is just one of those days when I wished someone would give me a hug .... Where's my Steve when I need him, I so miss him.  So I will have a word with myself and I know that this time will pass.  No one to give me a hug (not even my little Hetty any more).  Hugs really are the best medicine and free too and those of you who know me will know I am always hugging ..... isn't it ironic that I have now got to a time in my life where there is no one there to hug me?  I guess we all have days like this and at least these days for me now are far and few between.  I would have thought that I would have no more tears left to fall, I must have cried enough to fill a lake lol.  I guess the purpose of this blog is to say how I feel and what is happening and I guess, it can't always be happy.  I think I will do some ironing, shower and go for a walk,

Sending you the biggest hug Steve ..... I do miss you x

So I got a grip and walked up to one of my favourite places - the South Bank. On the way there I walked through our local market which is so .... em .... colourful.  The elderly (probably only my age but all that cannabis use does age you) Rastaferian has taken a shine to me.  Every time I walk by he makes a point of waving at me and saying hello - I say hello and smile back and today he say (can't type the accent you will have to fill in the gaps) 'Oh lady you have an amazing smile' ..... balance has been restored.

At the South Bank you could stand there for five minutes and see the world and his wife go by.  I walked around for a bit then went and collected some literature about what was on and ended up listening to some free music.  That is what I love about London, there is always something going on.  I grabbed a rather nice, but over priced, glass of Chilean white and found a table and sat and read my book.  The place filled up really quick. It was rendition of John Coltrane's Love Supreme - jazz which is not really my thing but boy do I love the saxophone.  That is my favourite instrument.  I am a bit like Marilyn Monroe in Some Like It Hot which is one of my all time favourite films, where she says 

'Oh, brother!...I can't trust myself. I have this thing about saxophone players, especially tenor sax...I don't know what it is, they just curdle me. All they have to do is play eight bars of 'Come to Me, My Melancholy Baby' and my spine turns to custard. I get goose pimply all over and I come to 'em...every time... That's why I joined this band. Safety first. Anything to get away from those bums...You don't know what they're like. You fall for 'em and you really love 'em - you think this is gonna be the biggest thing since the Graf Zeppelin - and the next thing you know, they're borrowing money from you and spending it on other dames and betting on horses...Then one morning you wake up, the guy is gone, the saxophone's gone, all that's left behind is a pair of old socks and a tube of toothpaste, all squeezed out. So you pull yourself together. You go on to the next job, the next saxophone player. It's the same thing all over again. You see what I mean? Not very bright...I can tell you one thing - it's not gonna happen to me again - ever. I'm tired of getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop'

Well I may not have actually dated anyone (well that I know of) who plays the saxophone, but I get where she is coming form.  It was very good but I don't get jazz.  It sounded like the four people were all playing something completely different - the same notes in different places lol lol.  But on a plus side, the piano player was very cute so that took my mind off it a bit oh and he did have hair which is always a bonus at my age lol.

Walked to Sainsbury's at Waterloo got a Red Thai Vegetable Curry for one and went back to the flat ...... not sure if I mentioned it, but I am home alone this weekend.  Watched Corrie and The Last Leg which I think is hilarious and went to bed. Wow, I am living the rock and roll dream lol

As always with my love x