Saturday 26 December 2015

And the tears come streaming down your face, when you lose something you can't replace. When you love someone, but it goes to waste. Could it be worse? (Fix You - Coldplay)

For the past five Christmas Day mornings I have always woken up and told myself 'dig deep and get through today and it will be as far away again for another year than it is today'. My Christmases have always been magical. As a child the days were full of love and up until recently I tried to make every Christmas Day a special moment.  All this changed five years ago.  For the past four years I have always volunteered, helping those less fortunate than myself. This year it is different.  Once again, there are so many lines in this song I could have used: 'but if you never try you'll never know, just what you're worth', 'I promise you I will learn from my mistakes' and 'when you try your best but you don't succeed'.

Ironically the video was shot in London, starting off at Tooley Street, London Bridge, just up the road from my flat then at King's Cross and St Pancras Station.  I guess this song is back in my memory because of the NHS Choir being number one at Christmas with the mishmash of this song and Bridge Over Troubled Water.  As good as that is, you still can't beat the original.  Enjoy!




Christmas Day: 'He's been, he's been!'. Children everywhere are waking their parents with this cry. I remember lying in bed waiting for my Meg to wake up on Christmas Day morning with the cry of 'he's been'.  I woke at 8.30 and made a cup of tea went back to bed.  It was a grey morning over London.  But showered and dressed and went for a walk because I knew I had to.

If I had not have gone out then, I would not have gone out and then it would have been a really long day.  The city was dead.  It was like the Apocalypse. The city was made up of Chinese tourists, tourists on Boris bikes, joggers and the odd singleton.  All my familiar places were empty.  I walked to Guy's Hospital and to the Chapel and lit three candles. One for those in the past; one for those in the future and the other for the here and now.  Then wandered through Borough Market and along the Thames; my favourite route.  It was really strange. The market was really quiet and I was the only person. A jogger waved and wished me Merry Christmas which was lovely.  By the time I got to Waterloo Bridge the rain had arrived and poor old Beatrice (my camera) was back in my bag.

I walked up towards Waterloo Station and then come across the true meaning of Christmas. I knew I would find it.  Of course I would. You just have to go looking for it.  There was a woman just walking from one mini bus to another. It transpires that this couple run a charity for ex service personnel. They provide a hot meal during the week and at Christmas, provide a Christmas lunch and a present.  The tent looked absolutely beautiful, decked out with Christmas lights. The woman explained to me that her and (I am assuming) her husband prepare all the food at home and then transport it, keeping it warm.  She said that they are a Pearly King and Queen and feel that if they do not provide a warm meal for these people, no one else will.  I had took a bag of pound coins out with me, just in case I saw someone who could do with some money. So, these people had my £20 donation. 

This is the meaning of Christmas.  Not how much you can spent, or have, or eat, but how much kindness you can give.  I left them with a hug and a kiss and thanked them for showing me kindness on Christmas Day morning.

By now the raining was really coming down and I was drenched.  The walk home was amazing.  The City was so quiet.  I kind of liked it, in a strange way. Home and hair dried it was time to prepare the vegetables for my lunch. Heating on and snuggled down with a coffee and time to open my presents. He had been.  Andy had put a great deal of thought into my present and it was perfect, just perfect.

Cooked myself a lovely Christmas lunch of nut roast and all the trimmings and opened a bottle of my favourite Sancerre wine and sat and watched the film Still Alice on Netflix.  Beautiful film about an academic woman who had early stage onset familial Alzheimer's. Julianne Moore was outstanding and the film was very moving and thought provoking.  I can see how she won an Oscar for her performance. I cannot imagine how terrifying it must be to lose your memory.  The one thing that I still have are my memories.  Which, when I choose, can play over and over again in my mind. But if I were ever to have this taken away from me, well there really would be no point. There was one line that stuck in my memory and that was 'nothing is lost forever'.  I shall hold on to those words.

Lazy afternoon, blogging, drinking good wine and snoozing.  A typical Christmas Day albeit alone and very peaceful.  But as night follows day, this time will pass and all is well.  I received some lovely text messages and FB messages today from people just checking in with me.  I felt so moved by it.  People have their own lives and more importantly, their own families; it truly means a great deal to me.  Thank you.  You know who you are. I ended up watching James Bond, something that once again would never have happened and thoroughly enjoyed it.  Like everyone else, I ate far too much and drunk not enough but it has been an OK day.

Boxing Day:  London is alive, well kind of, again today.  Buses and tubes are running and the traffic is slowly passing by my bedroom window.  I have decided to give myself a duvet day today.  Not because I am feeling low, but because the DVD playing in our lounge is not very good, whereas my DVD  player in my room is fine.  Paul at Meditation Group lent me four DVDs to watch over Christmas (just in cases) and I in turn, leant him series 4 & 5 of The West Wing.  So this morning I watched the Jane Austen Book Club. I really enjoyed it and could see so many parallels to my own life if many of Austen's novels and the scenes in the film.  I really did enjoy this film and remember I wanted to go and see it when it was first released.

Next up to rebalance the romantic notions of the Jane Austen Book Club was The Book of Eli. Just to bring me back down to earth with a bump.  I remember the 'boys' where I used to work ranting on about this film and I have seen it in bits and bobs. I guess it reminded me of a kind of Mad Max. The post Apocalyptic world of total madness.  If that ever happened it would be a trip to the Dignitas Cabinet.  Scary.  Still not out of bed.  I might venture out in a bit for a bath but to be honest, I am quite snug where I am.  The day is grey and if I go out I will only spend money I do not really have.  Normally on Boxing Day I go visiting my friends but all my friends are out of town or still live in the North of the country, hence that not happening today.  

By the time I thought 'I have had enough of this' it was to late to go out. Typical. So yet another DVD. Sticking to the earlier theme this one was Miss Austen Regrets which tells the story of Jane Austen's life. It was really good.  Oh how we have changed and yet have not.  The women were interested in getting a bloke as long as he had money.  Money was the key to everything for a women then and I guess I could argue for some even now.  I really enjoyed it and feel that I now need to start to read some Jane Austen again.  The lovely Ade Edmondson was in it, playing the part of her brother.  He had to negotiate the publishing rights for her novels as women were not allowed (obviously) to look after their own finances.  I love Ade Edmondson, shame he has the lovely Jennifer Saunders in his life ...... sigh.

So the rest of Boxing Day panned out the same way.  To be honest, it is a good job that I do not rely on the TV for my entertainment and I have enjoyed watching those films.  Back to 'normal' tomorrow, for a Sunday.  Christmas is a strange time of the year. I bet families are falling out with each other by now. All those little annoying habits are beginning to grate on each other's nerves. I bet all the townies are going stir crazy because it is to quiet where they are.  As much as we would argue to to the contrary; we are creatures of habit and routine.


As always, with my love x












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