Last Christmas I gave you my heart, but the very next day you gave it away. This year to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special (Last Christmas - Wham!)

Oh how I love this song.  As soon as I hear it every year, it is Christmas.  I remember it, the year it come out.  It was Boxing Day and my dear old dad, me and my brother were in a bar, drinking, laughing and singing this.  This song will always be dear to me for that reason.  But let's face it, you have to love a bit of George.  George Michael can do no wrong in my eyes.  We could have a thing going you know (what is it with me and gay men?).  He has a beautiful house at Hampstead Heath and I would be quite happy pottering around there while he does 'his thing'.  As long as he sang Careless Whisper to me now and then.  I saw him a few years ago now in Manchester.  It was just a great big Wham! and George Michael karaoke evening.  I loved him in the 80's and I still love him now.  

Monday:  This week is going to be busy, busy, busy.  But today I am not at work; I am on annual leave.  I always work in between Christmas and New Year but am taking a couple of days off either end of the holidays and today is one of them.  

There is something naughty about making a cup of tea and going back to bed on a work day.  In fact, it was so nice, I went and made another.  Up and out and off to Guy's for another blood test then to the Chapel to make a donation for Christmas instead of cards. I cannot tell you how much joy this gave me this year to donate my Christmas Card money to the chapel.  I lit a candle for my Dad and one for my Mum as today would have been her birthday and another for everyone else.  So for those of you who have generously sent me a card here are a few photos of the Chapel.  I wanted to call my daughter Martha as I have always loved the artwork in the Chapel.  But that was not to be.  However, I do smile when I see this.  Enjoy.

Made my way to Borough Market and I was hungry by then so stopped to get some Ethiopian food.  It was mainly pulses (lentils) rice and vegetables but it had a rich taste to it and one part of if was quite spicy.  But it was lovely. It then walked my favourite walk along the Thames.  I love this walk. I had that stupid smile on my face that says 'I cannot believe I am living here'. 

London is alive for Christmas and every opportunity to build a shed and slap lights on it and call it a Christmas market is taken up on every corner. Today was no exception.  The Tate Modern had a Christmas Market.  I did not bother to go and have a look; as lovely as it looked.  It is normally stocked with over priced Christmas tat.  So I carried on walking up to the South Bank and then over the river and up to Soho.  A lovely, long, but enjoyable walk. 

I took myself off to Princi, where I went last week with my Italian friend and had a coffee and just sat in the window watching the world go by.  London was fairly quiet, I was surprised. I guess everyone was at Oxford Street or Regent Street. I started to walk over to Greek Street and Sheila rang.  I used to work with Sheila for many, many years and today her and her partner Mark were down in London from Stoke.  They are staying here for a few days and said that they would like to meet up for a chat and a drink.  Fortunately, I was off work today so it all fitted in really well.  We met at Cafe Boheme, which ironically, I have also been to with my Italian friend.  We spent the afternoon drinking wine, laughing and chatting away as if time had stood still. It is so lovely when people take time out their trips to London to want to come and meet up with me.  I do not expect them to, but I have seen so many people this year and I am so thankful that they want to meet me.  I had such a lovely afternoon with Sheila and Mark.  We left and went our separate ways.  It has been a really lovely day. 

Tuesday:  Tonight was our teams Christmas Dinner and we went to Wahaca at Soho. I have talked about Wahaca before.  It was founded by Thomasina Miers who won Masterchef in 2005. I have visited many Wahacas since I arrived in town and I have never had a bad meal there yet.  Tonight was no exception.  We had, and there were six of us, the Christmas menu and we were not disappointed.  We were served endless plates of the most wonderful Mexican food you could imagine.  The vegetarian option was great.  Coupled with numerous bottles of wine and then my new found love ....... tequila.  I have never liked tequila or shots.  I remember being out with my friends at Buddies back in Stoke many years ago and being on the shots, so much so, that I actually fell over on the dance floor and ceremoniously just sat there laughing, whilst blood was pouring from a cut in my knee.  Pandemonium perused resulting in me almost being thrown out.  That was a good evening. Tonight I had a few tequilas followed down by a tomato based shot that calmed the fire of the tequila.  Very enjoyable.

Walked to get the bus home from Piccadilly which was buzzing.  It was so busy and full of life at such a late, but in London early, time.  I eventually rolled up at the flat around 23:45, very tired and slightly ....... fuzzy!  All on a school night. But it was such a good, fun and enjoyable evening and well all said that we must do it again.  It was a good evening.

Wednesday:  I rarely get hangovers. In fact, I think the last one I had was after that fateful night in Stoke many years ago.  I remember then I just ordered a load of Chinese takeaway, that I could not eat, and laid on the sofa all day with a duvet over me.  This morning I was tired.  I did not want to get out of bed and that is not me.  9.00-5.00 done and I was on a couple of buses to get to Brixton to meet my little Meet Up group.  It was a really sweet pub called the Crown and Anchor, we went to but only a few of us actually met.  It is the time of year, everyone is busy and it is to be expected.  I was fading by then and just had one drink.  What you will find in London is you will go to the bar and order a gin and tonic and automatically you are asked do you want a double; one double gin and tonic later and I wanted my PJs.  

I said my farewells and Merry Christmases and got the bus straight outside of the pub that took me to my flat.  Joy oh joy.  I made a phone call on the way home and my friend who I should be meeting tomorrow has a chest infection so we are not meeting.  Whilst I do not want them to be ill, I am relieved that I can have a night doing absolutely nothing.  Back at the flat and the bad news was we still have no wi fi.  I said to Andy being on my own in London at Christmas is doable.  Having no wi fi is not.  It ended up with me and Andy lying on my bed watching The Apprentice on my TV.  We did giggle as he rolls up to my room with his blanket he puts over him in the evening and I said oh the blanket great and he had no intention of sharing it with me, as I had my bed.  Like I am going to get in bed.  Half the blanket later, we were sitting there watching the TV as if we were in some obscure nursing home or reinacting a scene from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory when the whole family are sitting in their bed!

I lasted out until the end of the programme but as soon as it was over (like most blokes) he was off the bed, blanket in tow and out of the door.  I slept well. Oh and we now have wi fi.  Thank goodness.

Thursday:  I know I must be tired as the alarm clock once again had to wake me up.  Normally I am awake before old Nina Simone starts singing. I have to confess, I am looking forward to my lazy evening tonight.  It will give me some rest bite before the next wave of entertainment.  I will have to, at some point, plan when I am going to get the rest of my foodie bits for next week and more importantly, where from.   I have just checked on Borough Market's webpage and they are open until 18:00 on Tuesday and Wednesday.  I will go there on Wednesday to get my vegetables, cheese, olives and other bits and bobs.  Remember this year; quality not quantity.

A quieter 9.00-5.00 which made a change.  Straight home, PJs on and chilling and that is all I am going to do tonight.  Catch up on Holby and Luther and chill. New dress arrived and once again, I am really pleased with it.  Oh I forgot to mention, I saw this advertisement yesterday in our local W H Smith's.  It really did make me chuckle.  I guess these are Ladybird Books the London way.  I think I would like to read the one about the Hipster and definitely the Dating one.  Heavens knows what will be in that one!  Also, I have at least one person I would glad-fully send the Mid Life Crisis one to!   Yet another good day.

Friday:  Grey morning in London. Oh how I miss those blues sky mornings.  I would love to wake, every morning, to a beautiful blue skied day, with enough warmth to heat the top of my feet. But not today London, not today. But it is Friday and almost the longest day.  Work done and dusted for the week and home to get ready to get out.  Tonight I met my French friend PPLP.  We have not seen each other for a few weeks as he has now started work and it has just been busy.

I walked over to his flat (he lives, at the moment, just over the road from us) and we walked along to a nearby pub.  We normally go and listen to some music over at Shoreditch or Hoxton; but tonight we wanted to have a chat.  He has really good English but I do have to concentrate when I am listening to him and the music can be a distraction.  I was surprised. I thought London would have been buzzing but it was relatively quiet.  We had a lovely evening, catching up on all our news.  His family arrive from France tomorrow for the Christmas week so his Christmas starts tomorrow.  We discussed places he can go to see with his nieces and nephews.  Walked home and it was so warm.  I cannot believe it is December and I am just wearing a little jacket ..... crazy. So it has been a busy but wonderful week.  This is why I come to London - to live. Life is good.

As always, with my love x

Fly the great big sky, see the great big sea. Kick through continents, busting boundaries. Roam if you want to, roam around the world (Roam - B52s)

I love the B52s.  They remind me of when I was really 29, those carefree days, spending many a weekend in Cornwall with the Girlie Glees.  I had this song on my playlist when I first started to travel on my own as I thought the words were just so significant. My first trip alone was to a continent I had waited years and years to visit; Australia. It was at a time in my life that I had never felt so alone, unloved and unwanted. My world had fallen apart, yet here I was living a dream I had carried with me since I was 17 years old. Australia is a huge continent and I wanted to feel so small, so insignificant in a big world. I remember standing in the outback at night at Uluru, looking up at my beautiful stars of the Southern Hemisphere, thinking that they were, and still are, the second most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my entire life.  It made me realise, then and there, that we really are just a small speck, making our way home.   As usual, here is the video ..... enjoy!

I forgot to mention in Friday's blog, when we were at Jack's Bar last night we noticed a number of photographers hanging around before we went in.  When we come out there were quite a few more and also TV camera crews. Obviously, by then and two cocktails later, we just assumed that they were there to film us.  However, it now transpires, after I have just seen the news that they were there for someone else.  The Restaurant next to the bar we were in was hosting the Stop The War Campaign's Christmas meal and Jeremy Corbyn was attending - hence the press interest.  Also, the restaurant that we then went to, the Union Cafe, is own by Gordon Ramsay and he is often in attendance, well according to their web page.  I am going to have to raise the bar, I am now well and truly in the fast lane!

Saturday: I was wide awake at 5.30 ..... sigh. But I was surprisingly feeling refreshed and ready to start the day.  Not many more Saturdays left before Christmas.  Today I am leaving the City again and going to Zone Six! I am sure I will get homesick as I see the skyline of the City slowly fading away.  I am going back to my home county of Kent to see my Auntie, my Dad's Sister.  The good thing about living back home again is that I can visit more often.  This year I do not have to put a cheque in the post, I can actually take her a present.

Up, showered and dressed and off to London Bridge to get the train.  One arrived as soon as I got there.  Walked from the station to my Auntie's home. She was so pleased to see me and she is the only person I have left who has known me from the day I was born and loves me unconditionally.  We spent time drinking coffee and catching up.  She then prepared me a lovely salad for lunch.  She always panics because I am vegetarian and makes it such a big thing love her.  I tell her it is fine, cheese will do.  However, I better not go and visit when I am having a vegan day.  Spent the rest of the day chatting. We exchanged gifts and I started to make my way home.  It was a lovely day.

Back in London and once again, oh how I missed it.  To be honest.  I was tired. I had a couple of rather large Bailey's at my Aunties and the fact that I was awake from 5.30am had started to take it's toll.  I got home and had half an hour on my bed; a little doze.  All week The Shard has been messing with their lights and tonight it happened.  The top of The Shard is now changing colour. I tried to take photos but they have not come out very well.  The top changes from being totally green, to bright white, to red and then a combination of all three.  It looks stunning. I really love that building.  I am looking out the window now as I type this. Our Poundland red lights contrast lovely with The Shard's wonderful display.  

Quiet evening as I have a packed schedule ahead (more about that later), so we just watched The Imitation Game (again for me).  I first saw this in Bangkok and laughed 20 seconds before the Thais who were having to read sub titles.  I do like this film. I did chuckle at one part of it as I remember Legs telling me about, and us subsequently 'discussing', can computers think and him telling me about The Turing Test.  So when that part of the film come on with the wonderful Rory Kinnear, I did smile to myself.  But like I said to Legs at the time, computers are still binary, they do not have a heart!

Sunday:  It would not matter how many lights there are on The Shard, I cannot see her this morning because of the low cloud.  It is a wet day in London.  My little meditation group was as wonderful as ever.  I am so happy there and the people are so lovely.  I had brunch today, duly cooked by Michelle.  I had Turkish Eggs and they were delicious.  It set me up for the rest of the day.

I left the cafe and walked along the Regent's canal towards Islington.  I was a woman on a mission.  It was still damp and cloudy but it was good to be out in the fresh air.  London still never ceases to amaze me.  Around every corner there is always a surprise waiting to leap out and make you smile.  Today was no exception.  I had not walked this way along the canal before and it was completely different than when I walked the other way towards Victoria Park.

Some of the apartments over looking the canal are stunning.  I cannot begin to imagine how much these would be to rent let alone buy. 

The canal boats were all moored up and I thought to myself how cold they must be to live on this time of the year.  I was making my way to Islington.  I have been up this way before and really liked it.  The houses here are so lovely.  I like the feel of the area.  If I could, I would like to work at Angel.  It has the usual shops  I like: Monsoon, Waitrose, Sainsbury's, Boots, Marks & Spencer to name a few. I told myself that when I need to go townie shopping I will now go to Angel Islington, especially as I can walk there from my little cafe on a Sunday.   However, I was making my way to this little village to buy something special.  

Two of the women who attend my Meditation Group had told me a few weeks ago about a lovely chocolate shop at Camden Passage.  The shop is called Paul Young (as in Wherever I Lay My Hat Is My Home!) but not that one.  It was such a lovely, quirky shop and as soon as I opened the door the smell was putting pounds on my hips.

To be honest, I did not have my glasses on and could not see how much the handmade chocolates actually were.  They had a box of 4, 9, 16 and then goodness knows how many!  I decided to go for just 9 as I had been told, and read on their webpage that they are rich.  I selected some of the following: Marmite ...... I love Marmite, Champagne Truffle, Salted Caramel, Peanut Butter, Orange Creme, Chocolate Brownie and some more which I cannot remember.  I also bought a chocolate brownie and a salt caramel millionaire's shortbread for Andy and I.  It was a wonderful experience and my thoughts this Christmas is to have quality not quantity.  

I spent an hour or so walking around Islington, browsing in the shops and soaking up the atmosphere of Christmas.  I went and got the rest of my presents and then made my way home.  The chocolate brownie was gorgeous. We cut it in half and I was stuffed! Wrapped up some presents, wrote some cards and sat and chilled.  I cannot believe how much I am looking forward to Christmas this year.  I am OK now, no more wobbles.  I am sitting here looking at The Shard in all her glory and thinking how blessed I am.  I have not done many clever things in my life; having my daughter was one of the most amazing things I have done.  But moving to London was the best decision ever. It has not made feelings go away and I don't want them to disappear, and as always, I still have hope. But London has given me the opportunities and experiences I would never, ever have experienced.

As always, with my love x

I've had relations with boys from many nations. I've made passes at men of all classes. And just because you're gay I won't turn you away. If you stick around, I'm sure that we can find some common ground (Sexuality - Billy Bragg)

I just love this song.  I love Billy Bragg.  This song was released in 1991, way before laws were introduced to protect people's rights to have partners of their choice. It was a anti-homophobic and a safe sex song. Looking back, it does look dated now, but at the time it was such a powerful (as many of Billy Bragg's songs are) message.  There are so many famous people in the video:  Kirsty MacColl sings on the track.  She was so talented and died, as many do, far too young. She had such a passion for life and many of her songs were co-written with Billy Bragg. Johnny Marr plays guitar who was the lead guitarist with The Smiths and Morrissey and, who in my opinion, is one of the greatest guitar players in recent times. Oh and he is a teetotal vegan!  You have to love him. Then there is Phil Jupitus who also amuses me, he is such a funny guy.  

Monday:  Whilst living in London may give me opportunities and experiences I would never have had living up North; it is an expensive City to be living in.  Do not be under all illusion that I earn thousands; far from it.  In fact, I only earn slightly more than I did when working up North.  My rent is extortionate, but the bills are halved and that kind of balances things out.  I remember back in the summer when one of my dear friends come down from Stoke to visit me and to make sure I was OK (love her). We were walking towards Borough and I said to her how I wished I could live there.  She said to me 'why don't you?'.  Anyone who knows or lives in London would know straight away the reason why I am not living in Borough. I explained to her it was because I could not afford it.  I asked her how much her rent was for her home in Stoke, at it was about £360 a month!  I carefully worded, but told her my half of the rent for the flat and she nearly collapsed when she found out it was not the total amount each month, but just my half.  She could not believe it.   She almost had a heart attack, I kid you not.  London is expensive.  It is a playground for those with money to spend.  Alas, I am not one of them!

However, I look at living in London as in investment.  An investment in my life, because of the lifestyle I now live.  I am very careful with my money.  If I lived like a tourist here, I would never survive.  So I do not!  Don't get me wrong, of course I go out. But I try to take the bus, instead of the tube as it is cheaper (it is not always practical or possible though), most of the galleries and museums are free, I eat a simple but healthy diet with me normally having at least two vegan days a week.  I only buy 'stuff' now if I really, really need it, as opposed to wanting it. Apart from anything else, in the past few years I have gone from a four bedroom home to a room in a two bedroom flat.  There really is not the room for plenty of 'stuff'. All this coupled together works and gives me the choice and opportunity to be living in this wonderful, diverse, crazy, wonderful City.

I had an American client today .... sigh!  He called me Ma'am (of course he did) and when my pen was not working looked in his bag to see if he had a Sharpie (a Sharpie is an American manufacture of what we would call a felt tip pen!). I am very familiar with the word Sharpie.  He was lovely and had such a great accent.  I think I will have to start 'hanging out' around Grosvenor Square too see if I can find myself one; they do make me smile.

Tuesday:  Really busy, but productive day today between 9.00am to 5.00pm. I would hate me if I wasn't me. I am so organised and I was going for it today! After work I went to do some shopping.  I have purchased my first Christmas jumper.  Everyone wears one one day at work so I thought I better be a sheep. It was OK I got 30% off so it will do.  I do not think there will be any pictures. Favourite tea tonight, avocado on toast with scrambled egg.

I had a phone call from one of my friends in Stoke tonight.  Her 7 year old daughter thinks something terrible is going to happen to me as I am living in London.  She has watched the news and now all the terrorist threats are playing on her little mind, love her.  I had a chat with her and tried to reassure her. She said to her Mum that I should go home now.  Her Mum, tried to explain to her that I was home and London is my home. But she would not have any of it. It just goes to show how things play on children's little minds.

I got all ready tonight to watch Luther. I sat there at 21:00 in anticipation, only to be told that it is in fact .................... next week! Doh! It gave Andy a good giggle. My face was a picture of confusion then disappointment.  Just a normal day then.

Wednesday:  Wednesday again.  I get out of the office on a Wednesday had have to travel out of town a bit.  Today was beautiful.  Bright blue skies and I sat in the part and shared my lunch with a robin who seemed to be very interested in me.  I watched the planes come into land at Heathrow as I was right over the flight path.  On the way home I went to a sort of larger supermarket and got some bits for Christmas, then to the library to collect a couple of DVDs and then to the GPs. What a shock that was. I had such a lovely GP in Stoke, he was (and still is) my friend.  He looked after me when I first arrived in Stoke and supported me throughout my pregnancy and right up until I left.  I have a new Doctor's surgery now which is really, really good.

Tonight I saw another new Doctor who was lovely and looked about 18. In fact, I thought she was on work placement. I did have to point out to her at one point that I was a reasonably intelligent women and understand the concept of medication. She was very handy with the handouts.  I wonder if this is the way to go.  Mind you, if it is on Holby City or ER or Google I can figure it out.  But she was very lovely and kind and my BP is so low now it is scary; but according to her that is good.  But more blood tests at Guy's. I bet my Dad is smiling to himself.

Quiet night tonight.  Andy is at his Christmas Party, which is fancy dress and he has gone as a dragon ...... don't ask.  So I thought I would stay in my room this evening (that Stockholm Syndrome thing again). But it has been a good day and it is beginning to look a bit like Christmas.  The Shard are doing something with their lights.  I noticed it on Monday.  The top lights changed to green and bright white, then went back to normal.  Last night, again the top part of The Shard turned bright, bright white. It looked beautiful.  We have battery lights from Poundland in our windows in the lounge; The Shard has bigger plans.  I am sure they are only doing it for me, for my first Christmas in London.

Thursday:  Busy 9.00-5.00 (it always is) and the day flew. Back home at the flat and Andy has cooked dinner for us both tonight.  What a little darling and I mean cooking as not just warming something up.  He has cooked a vegetarian pasta dish and a white chocolate cheesecake! How great is that.  We have the perfect relationship: share a home, own lives, own jobs, do things together, play on the Xbox and never have sex ............... just like most married couples I know!  It was absolutely delicious.  We spent the evening watching Se7en, one of my favourite films.  Andy had never seen it.  So he was in for a treat.  We did have a giggle tonight too.  Andy was telling me that a few years ago he went to the theatre to see Tonight's the Night and did not have a clue, until the end, that it was based on Rod Stewart songs! Doh! Bless.  I know what to get him now for Christmas, Rod's greatest hits.  It has been a great day.

Friday:  We made it again my friends.  Another week been and gone, and all and all it has been a great week.  Things have seemed to have settled now and that is good as I am still looking forward to Christmas.  I have been looking at my schedule today and the next time I have a totally free day/night to myself is next Thursday (17th).Update, looks as if I am now out on Thursday.   It is crazy.  But at least it gives me plenty to write about.

I finished work at 16:30 today and made my way to Southwark Tube Station to meet my friend. I met her at a Meet Up back in the summer.  We both hated the Meet Up but have remained friends.  Tonight we have had a blast.  First of all we went to a bar called Jack's at Southwark and had cocktails.  I do love a cocktail and especially on a Friday night!  The bartender was rather appealing and I treated myself to a little banter (as us single girls have to do). He was lapping it up and giving it back, so all good.  He made me this wonderful cocktail with cucumber, egg white (yes you did read that right), lime, chilli (again you did read that right) and gin!  It was bloody lovely.  I then had another cocktail, because I can, but this time it was a Tom Collins. My friend had two Bellinis.  

We then decided to go and get some food.  My friend works in this part of town and she said that she had seen a lovely restaurant near by.  It turned out to be opposite the pub that me and PPLP (my French friend) used to meet.  It is called the Union Street Cafe and it is owned by Gordon Ramsay.  The menu is created daily and is mainly Italian food. Oh my. What a treat we had. My friend had bruschetta topped with butternut squash and mascarpone cheese; was delicious because I had a taste. I had three small peppers stuffed with the most amazing tuna I have ever tasted.  It was so fresh and the flavour just exploded in my mouth.  For mains my friend had rigatoni with various meat and I had spaghetti with seafood.  Again, it was one of those meals you do not want it to end. We even had a desert.  My friend had quince apple tart and ice cream and I had a selection of Italian cheese. This was all washed down with a big glass of dry, white wine!  The staff were so attentive and I felt truly spoilt. To say I feel stuffed now would be an understatement.  It was such wonderful food and I would like to eat there again ................. if anyone is offering!

We walked back to Southwark Tube Station and I said good bye to my friend and she went to the tube.  I was going to get the bus home but decided to walk, it is not far. I cannot tell you how much joy I feel living in London.  To be able to have an evening like tonight is wonderful.  I walked home with that silly smile on my face.  It has been a good week.

                                    As always, with my love x

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life. Try to make ends meet, you're a slave to money then you die (Bittersweet Symphony - The Verve)

Saturday: Strange nights sleep, but that is the norm these days. I got up, made some tea and toast and went back to my bed to watch TV for an hour.  I have been busy this morning. Cleaning the flat from top to bottom before the big decorating day tomorrow.  I cannot believe I have had the windows wide open.  It is December! London is so warm, it is very strange.  But hey, we are saving on the bills.  

Today's drama is me noticing that my hair is falling out!  I am being serious.  I have always had a good head of hair, but it is falling out like the leaves falling off the tree.  It is a bit scary to be honest.  I have recently had some tablets changed by the GP and I am going to look to see what the side effects of those could be. I know as you get older, your hair thins and gets less; but this is ridiculous. It is a good job I like hats!

Showered and out the door and straight on a bus to ........ Peckham. Home of Delboy and Rodney.  I always smile when I go to or see signs for Peckham as it reminds me of the episode of Only Fools and Horses when they thought they had found the Peckham Spring and created Peckham Spring Bottled Water. Trust me, there is no spring in Peckham.  The first pub we went to was amazing. It was called the Brick Brewery and it was a little micro brewery under a railway arch.  We sat outside, with heaters drinking the beer they had brewed.  Well except me who had their own lager. But it was lovely and it was a semi-hipster, Shoreditchy part of Peckham.

We then went up the High Street to the next bar which was called Four Quarters.  Again they had craft beer, I had a cider.  But in this place there were all types of amusement arcade games such as Pacman, Space Invaders and Pinball machines.  It was a strange, but interesting place.  Boys, being boys, went off to play on the games.  We then left there and went to another pub called The Gowlett where I had gin!  I sat talking to a woman from Finland, a guy from Italy and another guy from Canada.  Around the world over a gin.  It was a great evening and I do enjoy that lovely Meet Up group.  Next time we are off to Brixton.  

Back down the High Street, I nipped into Asda to get some 'bits' and the Christmas Radio Times and on a bus home.  Quick update with Andy then off to bed.  It had been a good day.

Sunday:  Why is it on a morning when you have to be up and out you do not want to get up!  This morning was one of those mornings.  But I did get up, showered and on my lovely bus up to Hoxton.  I had a walk along the Regent's Canal and into the cafe where there was (and always is) such a lovely warm welcome from Andre, the host.  Pot of peppermint tea and time to meditate. I know I keep repeating myself, but I do like that group and missed it so much last week when I did not attend.  But it was great to be back today.

Left the group, went to the local Turkish shop next door and got some lovely veg and went back to the flat to prep dinner.  Then Andy and I decorated the flat for Christmas.  It looks lovely.  The Elf on the Shelf is watching us (God help her) and all my decorations are looking lovely. The flat is beginning to look a bit like Christmas.  Spent the rest of the afternoon doing random things (as you do).  Painting my toe nails (don't think too much about that), ordering some bits on Ebay, listening to Christmas music, sorting out my work phone (thank you Andy) so I can send and receive emails etc - how high tech am I! Mind you, I don't know what I would do if it rang, the damn thing.  Dinner is cooking and I am blogging.

The grand finale, and the confirmation that the holiday season has began was the watching of Love Actually.  Oh how I love this film. I have a couple of films I like to watch at Christmas which, over the past few years, have become my the pre-Christmas rituals.  Tonight it was this film.  I cried; I always cry.  But they are happy kind of tears and this year it felt different as the film is based in London and it made everything seem so real.  It has been a good weekend.

As always, with my love x

There's a place in your heart and I know that it is love. And this place could be much brighter than tomorrow. And if you really try you'll find there's no need to cry, in this place you'll feel there's no hurt or sorrow (Heal The World - Michael Jackson)

This song always makes me cry; it always has.  But now the words kind of take on a different meaning.  There are a couple of songs, that when I hear the first few bars I feel that lump in my throat, my eyes start to well up and that is it.   I just love the words of this song.

Monday:  Mondays are not good.  I will not go into details, but I find Mondays a struggle.  This time will pass.  I will spread kindness.  That always works or it totally pisses people off.  Either way; it is a winner.  Andy was saying he is going to make me a star chart to see if I can go any day without crying.  This is the problem of living with someone now.  In the past, at this time of the year, I could squirrelled myself away and sob to my hearts content.  Now I have Andy.  I would be totally lost without him (well I wouldn't, I would get on with it, but you know what I mean).  He is seeing first hand how difficult this time of the year is for me.  I can't help it, I hate doing it to him; but it is what it is.

Thank goodness I slept last night; strange dreams, but sleep nonetheless.  Its a very grey Monday morning in London. I need a holiday.  Normally, I have a tripped booked up.  It gives me something else to focus on that my melancholy pre-Christmas mood.  But this year it is not possible and that is OK, living in London is enough. Yet I need that distraction, that excitement.  I need that excuse to go to the library and get a book on where I am going, to do my research.  Now I am living in London it is so easy to get a flight, so many options to choose from. I have said before that many people actually leave the City for the weekend; going back to the suburbs (no thanks) or taking a flight to another City.  I think this is what I will plan, a trip to another City in Europe that I have not visited.

9.00-5.00 done.  I have come to the conclusion that most people, well certain people, do not deserve me in their life. I have tried to kill people with kindness, but it is exhausting. But there are only a handful of people who I should reserve my energy for, especially at this time of the year for me.  The rest can, well the rest can just do one! This is the way I am feeling.  By wasting time, energy, thoughts and kindness on the majority of people is wasted to the detriment of my own positive energy.  I will focus my energies on me and those close to me who deserve it.  I am sick of being called cool and kind. I do not want to be cold and cruel, but saying that, I am witnessing people being cruel and feel powerless to do anything about it.  But my time will come. The one thing I hate the most is people being cruel to others through bullying, isolation, ignoring them or ostracising them. The good thing is, if any of them are reading this (which I suspect they are not) they would not even know what ostracising means! 

So tonight I booked a weekend break!  I have something to focus on now.  I will not say where at this point.  There is no point.  But it is significant and hopefully I will have fun.

Tuesday:  It is a new dawn; it is a new day. But not the best nights sleep again. I refuse to let my 9.00-5.00 life impose any more of its time out of the perimeters of 9.00-5.00. So I was watching 4 on Demand at 4.00am.  World Aids Day today.  This is something that, since the 80's, has been very dear to my heart. I remember seeing the whole HIV evolve in the UK.  The stigma, the discrimination, the outing of people.  Life was so different for many people back then, purely because of their sexuality.  Then when HIV raised it's ugly head, it gave the media, the Government another opportunity to make life for certain groups even more difficult.  I have always tried to be a voice for those under-represented in our world.  HIV is my baby.  

I guess it is very dear to my heart for numerous reasons.  Yes, our Karen has always liked the gays is one of them. The gay community took the main hit of HIV+ infections back in the 80's.  But what many of you may not know is that there is an infection that can live a great deal longer outside of the body in blood than the HIV virus, and that is Hepatitis C.  Many people who are HIV+ have viral Hepatitis C or are at a greater risk of being infected with Hepatitis C.  and My Father died from Hepatitis C back in 1991.  We did not know this at the time; the medics did not know it at the time. Until he died. The virus itself, was not discovered until 1989.  So every year I will, in my own little way, remember those who are living with or affected by HIV and Hepatitis C, and I will remember those who lost their fight.

Wednesday:  A really interesting day today.  Training at Old Street.  I do like it that end of town. Had a lovely lunch with a woman I know on the training and spread my sparkle amongst the others, who to be honest, a couple could do with learning to smile. Rushed home and quick shower, change, make up and on the bus up to Soho.  The bus went past Parliament and it was buzzing with the protesters protesting about bombing Syria.  For what it is worth, violence with violence is not the answer; I do not know what the answer is.  Off the bus at the end of Regent Street and I had a sneaky look at the lights.  They look amazing. But more about that later.  

I went to Soho and met my Italian friend outside an Italian Restaurant called Princi in Wardour Street.  It was beautiful.  It was full of gorgeous men and my host was the perfect Italian gentleman.  I had a slice of pizza with spinach and cheese and he had two slices of meat pizza, we had an Italian beer each and once again, and he does this, he did not let me pay. We found a seat and we sat and chatted, eating pizza, drinking beer and laughing like two teenagers.  We then went on to a bar where I had a well earned gin and tonic and he had another beer.  My friend also is a photographer and has been to some amazing countries.  Back in the summer he went to Madagascar and took the most amazing photos.  In a week he is off to Oman, again to take photos.  I told him that I was off to Peckham ........ not exactly the same.  We both had no intentions of staying out late on a school night.  I have a busy day tomorrow and he has a 9.00am meeting in Canary Wharf.  We said our goodbyes with all that kissing.  The Italians do three; the French two. We will not see each other now before Christmas as he is going back to Italy on Christmas Eve but we shall meet up again in the New Year.  It was just what I needed tonight, I got a bit of my sparkle back.

Walked along to Piccadilly Circus and back on the bus.  I ended up chatting to a woman on the bus (as I do). We were stuck at Parliament Square for ages

Me (on a good day)

because of the debate so we were chatting and both in agreement about the airstrikes vote.  She was a lovely woman and we chatted all the way to my stop. She wished me a Merry Christmas and said that I was lovely and she thought I looked like Michelle Pfeiffer.  Yes she was sober and quite stable.  Lol I can't see it myself.  I will ask Andy when he comes in but he has been out drinking this evening so that may help.  That is what I love about London. Tonight, there was so much going on.  21:00 hours and London was so busy; it was like it was 14:00 in the afternoon.  So many people, bars full, restaurants full, traffic crazy. The City was buzzing. London is all

Michelle on a good day!

dressed up and ready for Christmas and I love it. I am so excited about Christmas this year and I know it is because I am here.  Don't get me wrong. This is the worst time of the year for me but I haven't cried for three days and this is good.  I also have my City break weekend to look forward to at the end of January. This weekend Andy and I or Phil and Kirsty as we shall call ourselves, are decorating the flat for Christmas. 

When I moved, I kept a box of Christmas decorations.  I felt I needed to do this; even though space in London is a premium.  So we shall get that box out of the cupboard and see what I kept.  We both have an Advent Calendar.  I have always brought Andy one from the first Christmas we knew each other. His Nan always used to buy him one, so I now do that.  He has Marvel, he does that geeky stuff; I have a teddy bear one.  See, you are never too old, especially at Christmas.  FYI Andy does not think I look like Michelle Pfeiffer as to quote him 'he thinks she is gorgeous and would want to be straight to be with her'. Also, he did remind me that she was Cat Woman in all that black lycra.  I do not think I want to be Michelle as much as I love Andy, I don't want him hitting off on me!

Thursday:  Today was a good day.  9.00-4.30 (I left early) was really good.  I left work at 4.30 and met Andy at the bus stop and we went up to Trafalgar Square to see the switching on of the Christmas Tree lights.  We sat there like two homeless people, being given hot chocolate by the Salvation Army. When Norway was invaded in 1940, the King of Norway, come and lived in London and the Norwegian Government functioned from here. The Oslo Christmas Tree in Trafalgar Square has come to symbolise the close friendship between the two countries.  It is the start of Christmas for most Londoners, hence me wanting to go along and see it happen.  The tree itself is the same age as me; my real age. To be honest, the tree looked a bit ragged around the bottom; unlike me! Apparently the Norwegian's earmark the tree years ahead.  The tree is 25 metres high and keeping with the Norwegian tradition, it is decorated with white (low energy) lights and not looking like something out of Vegas, which Andy wanted.  The ironic thing is when the lights come on the wind caught the tree and it looked like a giant jelly fish!  We just burst out laughing as we all know what jelly fish is!

We decided to go and grab something to eat after all this wildness and made our way up to Piccadilly Circus and went into a restaurant chain called Byron. They specialise in burgers, so it was a veggie burger for me and very nice it was as well.  Caught the bus right outside of the restaurant and made our way home.  So Christmas has started in London.

 Friday:  So here we are again; Friday.  Work out of the way and back to the flat and just had a lazy evening.  I have quite a busy weekend so pacing myself. Not a bad week considering.  I have not been so upset this week, but I know and experience has taught me, that my sadness can just wash over me.  But, I will breathe and take each day as it comes and try to spread my sparkle whenever I can.

As always, with my love x

So you want to be free. To live your life, the way you want to be! (Killer - Seal)

Oh this song makes me smile and takes me back to the time when I was really 29!  Carefree single days; very much like now.  My friends from Kent .... The Girlie Glees used to spend the lazy, sunny Bank Holidays, plus any other long weekend we could cram in, driving down to Newquay to spread glee and happiness.  Well to be honest, it was one long boozy, dancing, snogging, laughing weekend.  We got up to all sorts of shenanigans - and they are only the ones we can remember.  I could tell you tales that would make your hair (for those of you who still have some) curl.  But just to give you a snapshot.  We thought once that we had killed a US Marine. We terrorised a real British Marine, so much so he just disappeared.  And I lost a complete afternoon of my life and woke up to be sick thinking my brains were falling out of my nose, when really it was a strip of green pepper from the pizza I had consumed, which I was now honking up in the sink!  Happy days!  Seal you gave us so much joy and I guess still do. 

Saturday:  Lazy start to the day.  Then Andy and I were off to suburbia.  I do not do suburbia at all well these days and this was only Zone 3.  London is divided up into Zones:  Zone one is Central London.  We live in Zone one.  Then the other Zones ripple out to about Zone 9.  I get withdrawal symptoms when I get to Zone 3.  We were early so went to grab a coffee in a delightful cafe, where one tea and one black coffee cost £2! I would not even get an Americano in London for that.  We were like the girls in Sex and The City when they went to Brooklyn.  I felt like a duck out of water.  There were no sirens, not so much traffic, there was grass by the side of the road.  Our host spoke with high regard of the fact that she had not one, but three large supermarkets in her immediate facility.  We can see a Tesco Express from our lounge window.  It felt strange.

Interesting appointment in suburbia then the day took a strange turn.  We were going to a Panto, I hate Pantos.  This one was called Tinderella ......... I liked the sound of it.  However, we got a call late afternoon saying that the person who had ordered the tickets had cocked up spectacularly and the tickets were for the matinee performance!  So no Panto.  Whilst I was disappointed, especially as I had treated myself to a new black number, I was a bit emotionally exhausted from our previous appointment in suburbia.  We decided to go to the library to see if we could get a copy of Se7en on DVD.  Strange thing happened in my local library.  This is the major disadvantage of living hear to where you work.  I saw a work 'colleague' working in my little library.  Note to self: do something about this.

Back to the flat with no DVD and we decided to order a take-out - Chinese and very tasty it was to.  Spent the evening watching Googlebox.  They are advertising for new couples to appear on this and we are thinking of applying. The a few episodes of the West Wing and bed.

I had an awful nights sleep.  I was awake from 3:00 ish.  I ended up watching TV until 6:00 when in total desperation I took two anti histamine tablets which knocked me out totally until 10:00. Not good.

Sunday: I kind of awoke from my coma induced sleep and decided I needed to get a grip.  Quick shower and I was off on the tube to the Saatchi Gallery in Sloane Square.  Sloan Square is a very expensive part of town.  The Gallery is

housed in the old Duke of Yorks HQ.  A stunning building holding some of the most beautiful pieces of contemporary art I have seen.  I really enjoyed this gallery.  The building itself is a Grade II listed building, built in 1801 and was originally a school for the children of solder's widows.  

The Gallery is very light and airy and they do not put rope or alarms around any of the pieces, so you can get up really close to look at the work.  I could have taken so many pictures of the artwork.  However, I have included a few here in the blog for you to share.  I went there to see a particular exhibition of Jamie Hewlett.  Jamie Hewlett is an English comic book artist and designer and the co-creator of the virtual band Gorillaz, along with Damien Albarn of Blur. Gorillaz released my favourite song of theirs Clint Eastwood in March 2001.  Damien Albarn wrote the song; Jamie Hewlett created the characters.

See the little Gorillaz

Jamie Hewlett's exhibition was his interpretation of Tarot Cards.  They were stunning; totally stunning.  If I had some spare cash (yes I wish) kicking around I would have one tomorrow.  The problem would be, I would not know which 

one to choose.  You can see, if you look carefully, the similarities in the prints and the video that I have posted.  In the card The Fool, he has actually drawn a Gorilla.  Also in the print The Wheel of Fortune he has used similar characters.  Oh to have an ounce of this guy's talent.  The exhibition is only on until 2 December, hence me going along today.  But it was really worth the trip.  

Also at the Saatchi Gallery they were exhibiting some photo journal photography which was absolutely breathtaking.  I did try to take some photos but they did not come out so well because of the glare from the camera.  But I have included at the end of the text the photos I took today; not with Beatrice but just my phone.

Totally full with art and culture I left the Gallery and made my way along the Kings Road.  London is beginning to feel a bit like Christmas and the advantage of going shopping in this part of town was you have the most gorgeous shops

Made from glass

and it is not so crowded.  I went and got my Auntie's present; which was beautifully gift wrapped whilst I was given a complimentary glass of Rose wine.  Now that would definitely not happen up Hanley duck!  Said Christmas present in lovely bag I toodled off to Peter Jones, which is a John Lewis and had a look round there.  Then I waked over to Knightsbridge and had a coffee opposite Harrod's (as one does darlings) then decided to get the tube back home.  It is a shame I do not have more Christmas shopping to do as I really enjoyed my little soiree today, especially the free wine bit.  Living in London really is an amazing thing to experiencing.  But only in Zone One or Two.  

Back to the flat and chilling out writing this and listening to some music. Rustled something non-exciting up for dinner and then decided to soak my sorry, sad, carcass in the bath for an hour, in the hope that it helps me feel a bit relaxed.  There are a couple of words that have come out of this weekend. I will not go into details from where they have come from.  But they are the words of Injustice and An Equal. From someone who has always tried to speak up for the injustice of others, I have in the past few years been served the greatest injustice of all.  This has been noted and acknowledged by others.  As for An Equal, I guess that is all I need.  An Equal to adore me.  As simple as that!

As always, with my love x 

You can see the similarities in the cartoon characters here and in the Gorrilaz video

The Borrower's Cotton Reel

Huge copper bauble 

This piece was made from drift wood - amazing 

Light shades made with women's underwear

The past is knowledge, the present our mistake. And the future we always leave too late (My Ever Changing Moods - The Style Council)

Not the best nights sleep; but not the worse either.  I am reflecting on the words of another this morning.  This person does not really know me at all, yet they have just summed me up a treat.  They do not know my 'story', there is no need for them to know, yet it as if they do know. It got me thinking about when we meet someone who enters your life, and this can be through work, through another friend or a complete stranger, yet they just make a connection.  I have mentioned before, this happened with my

friend Daniel who I met in Bangkok, again this year in Siem Reap.  We meet up and connect as if we have never been apart.  A strong bond.  This person, who I will quote in a minute, I hardly know.  Yet, after reading a text from them yesterday evening, I now feel that there is a connection. Something they see in me that I thought I could hide  For those of you who REALLY know me, have a read and let me know what you think.  This person wrote:  'You need to be as kind to yourself a you are to others'.

Monday:  Mondays are not the best day in my 9-5 life.  Tonight I actually left at 16:45 ..... a miracle.  I had nothing to rush home for, but home I went.  I could feel the relief as I walked in the door.  This time of the year I could just run away. Don't get me wrong, I love London.  I love living here  But this time of the year I could just run away ....... not sure where.  I cooked us a lovely (even if I say so myself) Thai vegetable curry and rice.  It was a dry run before I cook it again when I have Sarah coming over for dinner.  So it was a good excuse to try it.  And it was rather lovely.

Tuesday:  Awake at 5.00am!  That was it.  Snuggled in bed watching London Spy on my TV.  Really enjoying this.  It is a BBC drama with the lovely

Ben Wilshaw in it, who I have to say caught my eye in Skyfall as the new geeky Q. Needless to say, he is married. To a man. Next.

9.00-5.00 (well normally 6.00) life over and done with for another day and back home.  Thai green (ish) curry prepared for dinner tomorrow and my dinner for tonight in the oven and it is time to breathe and kick-back.  I have a late start tomorrow as I am out of the office all day, so that will make a change and will make Thursday come round quicker. Nothing really excited happened today. Someone told me, quite rightly, on Sunday that exciting things happen all the time and I guess they are right.  We need to just open our eyes and see them.  Finished off the day ironing men's shirts!  Yes I have been ironing shirts.  Remember my saying ..... I am not sure what I want but I do not want to be ironing shirts or walking around Sainsbury's.  Yet tonight I ironed four shirts, four jumpers and three pairs of trousers.   It was my good deed for Andy as he is away, with work, for a few days.  It is OK as he does realise what a big thing for me this is.  Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.

Wednesday: Waking up in London still gives me a thrill.  If it is really early I can still hear the birds singing.  However, that is soon taken over by the noise of the City slowly coming to life.  There is always a constant stream of noise coming from the other side of my bedroom window throughout the night.  At first, it took me a while to get used to it.  I mean, I had come from a small, sleepy village in the Staffordshire Moorlands to the hustle and bustle of Central London.  Yet, strangely, I get comfort from the noise;  it makes me feel alive. 

I was not in the office at all today, in fact I travelled from one end of South London to the other.  Not the travelling I would like to be doing but beggars

choosers and all that.   Making my way to London Bridge station to get a train I come across this little garden.  It was just in the street, at the side of the pavement.   I think they are pushing it a bit calling it a 'fresh air space' but that aside, it did make me smile and thought it was a rather good idea.

Back home after an interesting and different day, but an enjoyable one, it was leggings on and dinner in the oven and time to sit and relax before my guest arrives.  I did have to smile today.  I am like the United Nations.  One of the main reasons I come to London was to meet like minded, forward thinking, interesting people; particularly people from different countries. Today I have heard from, and have arranged to meet for drinks with my Italian friend who I have not seen since the summer.  All being well, we shall meet next Thursday in Soho.  I am intending to go to Trafalgar Square on Thursday next week to see the Christmas Tree lights being switched on.  So hopefully meet him afterwards for drinks.  PPLP my little French friend is happy as he has now launched his company and is happily employed.  We are to meet up soon to celebrate.  My friend who I meet on a previous Meet Up has just texted (she is from Asian descent) and she wants to meet up next week, but it looks now as if it will be the week after. All I need is the South African back and I will have a full set. But hey that is why I am here; just trying to make a go of it.

I had a lovely evening with my friend Sarah. She is off on her travels next week so tonight she come over to the flat and I cooked a Thai green curry.  We had a lovely evening chatting about life and stuff.  I will miss her.  But she needs to fill her life up, living her dreams and hopefully, soon, she will be off to South America to have her own little adventure.  I did say to her, you never know I might just pack up and join you.

Strange end to the evening.  You can tell it is a full moon.  Received a phone call whilst Sarah was there and subsequently another call later on.  Very odd. But apparently guess what, I am a strong, independent women.  No way Sherlock.  It is funny when someone who does not even know you, or your journey can give you their opinion of you.  I make no apologises of who I am. Why should I. Life has shaped me this way.

Thursday:   My fringe is really getting on my nerves.  I am trying to grow it. Well I have no choice.  I cannot afford to keep getting it cut in London. It would cost about £8 a time!  So I am growing it. But it keeps getting in my eyes.  Today I pulled it back and put it in a clip.  I was not sure.  I look so much like my Mother and that, for so many reasons, is not a good thing. But when I look at my eyes I see my dear old Dad.  I went to work like it.  Three people actually said oh your hair looks lovely.  And guess what?  I did not have a headache all day.  I will be buying some decorative clips and this will be my new style until my fringe grows a bit longer.


I called in Boots this evening to put in a repeat prescription and the guy said that he remembered me from last time I went in as I was the woman who loves to travel.  How cool is that.  I told him my name; I did not have to spell it, he knew it.  I guess once seen never forgot.  I told him I was impressed, very impressed.

Back at the flat.  I was due to go to the pub this evening on a Meet Up but I have been a bit off all day so thought stuff it.  Andy is still away; I am home alone.  So tonight I am just resting up in my room.  I call it my Stockholm Syndrome moment.  I spent so many months just sitting in my room every night back in my past life, I am used to it.  Also, when I was a child and got sent to my room (on so many occasions) I quite liked it.  I guess I am a creature of habit.  So tonight I am home alone and in my room, just my music and book and it is all good.  Oh and yes, I am going to be the Twitter Co-ordinator for the workplace. Me!  I don't do bad do I for an old girl ....... who is 29!

Friday:  9.00-5.00 come and went and I went out after work with colleagues - I am pleased I went, I learnt a great deal about many things - I will not be going out after work again. Back to my lovely flat and time to kick back.  Another week over. The time is flying by. It has been a strange week in many ways; but as that person said I need to be kind to me and I have tried.  It has not, at times been easy.  I have and will continue to learn a great deal - but it says a lot more about other people than it necessarily does about me.  I will not let the behaviour of others impact on my inner peace - only one person has the authority and privilege to do that.  So here is the weekend and all the fun and frolics it will hopefully bring.

As always, with my love x