I can remember back in around 1975 being actively encouraged, by my parents, to sit with them, and watch a biographical film called The Naked Civil Servant. I can see myself now, in my PJ's sitting on the sofa in my childhood home, my dad sitting next to me and my mum in the chair. The little rented black and white TV in the corner projecting John Hurt (in my opinion one of his best roles) as Quentin Crisp as gay man. Now let's face it. In my home town in the 1970's you were very unlikely to ever meet a guy called Quentin, let alone an openly gay man. I can remember sitting there watching the film, embarrassed at times, but feeling a mixture of emotions - sad then angry as he continually suffered homophobic insults and violence. But regardless, continued to live his openly, flamboyant life. Looking back now, I guess it was a 'tipping point'. I could not understand, and still cannot if I am to be honest, why we just all can't live our lives. Why, if we are different in anyway to what the 'majority' deem as the 'norm', we are labelled as 'different'. I guess, there and then, a seed was planted that has stayed with me all these years; to be a voice to those labelled by others as being marginalised, isolated or different. I have always said to my Meg .... why be a sheep when there are so many other beautiful creatures you can be.
I remember a dear, dear friend coming out to me in the late 1980's. I thought he was going to ask me out lol. When he said 'there is something I have to tell you' I can remember thinking oh no, well I don't fancy him I will just have to tell him. Then we sat on the sofa and he said to me 'Karen, I am gay' and in a typical Karenism I said oh thank goodness is that all, I thought you were going to ask me out. The LGBT world was completely different then. Very little community or support for him. I remember going out with him one Saturday to the one gay pub in the town. I was the only straight person there, it was a new world to me. We then went to the night club that was open the first Saturday of the month. You only knew about it by word of mouth. We turned up, knocked, yes knocked on the door and went in. The atmosphere was electric, the music was good, people were friendly - for me it was a totally new experience. He copped off with some guy lol. The next day as we sat and talked about the evening I was devastated as I said to him 'What is it with me? Guys don't want me, lesbians don't want me ......... no one wants me!' Lol, I can still remember that Sunday morning and smile with fondness as I type this.
Years later, he walked me down the aisle for the blessing of my wedding. He later become Megan's Godfather. Something I had to fight for as all her other Godparents are her father's brothers and sisters.
Even though my friends I am only 29! I remember the Government's campaign on AIDS in 1986 then the subsequent witch hunt of people living with HIV and AIDS. People who were and who still are, quick enough to point the finger at others. When I got my job working for a local HIV charity; which ironically come at a time of my life that was so awful, I could not have been more proud. My role was to support people living with HIV. But the staff and clients filled my life with so much laughter and as many hugs as I wanted from my dear friend Steve at at time in my life when I have never been so low. Ironically, their support got me through some really dark times and for that I will be always so thankful to them.
HIV does not discriminate. I will ask you a question I used to ask the young people at the YOI I worked. 'Would you sleep with a person with HIV?'. I can see you thinking now; I guess many of you will think no way, never, OMG no. So I will ask you another question now 'Do you know your HIV status?' I suspect many of you do not. Go get tested. I do every six months, just like the dentist. I know my status! And sure, of course I would have sex with someone who is HIV; because I would be protecting myself. HIV has no labels; people put labels on others.
I remember when my Megan was two years old a couple I knew (and still do and who are probably reading this) had their baby. And we, as a family were invited to her naming ceremony. I can remember JF saying 'What are we going to tell Meg, how are we going to explain this?' Why is it a problem? Two people have had a baby. I told Meg that, and I shall not use names, I told her that Baby has two mummies. Meg obviously said 'oh why, where is her daddy?' I explained to her that baby had a daddy but he does not live with them, she has contact with him but she has two mummies who love her so very much. Meg's response, aged two was 'Oh that's nice!'. That was it, no drama. Meg just accepted that she had two people who loved her. And I guess that is what it is all about - love.
Recently, I explained to someone that I don't do bad Karma. If I can control a situation and give second chances, to spread some love and happiness I will. Love in the broadest of terms, does give me hope!
So today, for me, being a part of London Pride fills my heart with such happiness. I know so many LGBT people who, have over the years, enrich my life in so many ways. But the joy it gives me when, like yesterday along the South Bank, I see two people, two men, so much in love with each other, holding hands, looking at each other as if the world is not there, it is then I think to myself ..... sure all you need is love; because that is all it is. It's just love.
Happy Pride London Day my friends................... now go spread your sparkle and love.
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