I am finding it a bit difficult to get my sparkle 100% at the moment
Monday: I am feeling restless. This is not good. I am not even checking the DBS - sod it! I have been feeling like this the past few days. Over the past few years, as many of you know, my life has completely changed and I have 'ditched' so much stuff. Both emotional (well some of that is still hanging around) and material. This is a positive thing as material items just drag you down and hold you back. However, whilst this can be a liberating thing it can also add to the feeling of ..................... 'I am off'! Obviously, I will not be 'off', I would not leave Andy just like that. But I am really thinking that I am not the sort of person who should be in one place for long. Gypsy in my soul I guess.
Don't get me wrong, I adore London. But whilst it is feeding my soul it is also leaving me wanting more! It has given me conformation that there is so much more to life than being in one place. I guess it is because I have too much time on my hand at the moment to think; and you know me ................ a typical analytical, methodical, non-trusting Virgo! I guess this time will pass.
Feet are getting there. Not brilliant but again so much better. I will take that. Well today has been the bearer of bad news. A bomb has gone off in Bangkok, my second home. I was so upset about it all. I emailed and messaged people I know out there, my friends. For those of you who do not know, Bangkok is my second home. Technology is a wonderful tool and I managed to find out within an hour that those people I know, my friends, were all safe. So sad.
This evening I hobbled up the road to the Southwark Playhouse to my little Meet Up group. This walk takes me normally five minutes; tonight it took fifteen and two paracetamol when I got there! I love this little theatre, it just feels good. Tonight I saw The Playboy of the Western World. Apparently, it is a well known play, I had never heard of it. It was OK. The Irish dialect was very difficult to follow at times but hey it was a night out with good company and people who are now becoming friends.
Tuesday: I think one of the hardest lessons I have had to learn the past few years is, that as a single person I have no one to answer for. I can make my own choices and decisions; good, bad or totally indifferent. I guess after all those years of putting other people before myself, making sure all was well, I still find this difficult. It has made me think that, and in particular as women, we are constructed to think of others before our own feelings and are we always seeking approval, regardless of our age?
I am trying not to be harsh on myself as when I look back I have come a long way; but I also realise I have a lot further to go. Andy, bless him, was talking to me last night and we had a good chat about it all. I guess the top and bottom of it all is ........ I have absolutely no one to answer to, no one. If I want to shave my hair off, I can (I don't). If I want to cover myself in tattoos, I can (I don't) but you get my point. I do not have to have people pull my strings, I can look after myself, albeit at times not very well. I do not have to be answerable to any soul. I know some of you have said you are 'quite envious' of my life because of this. But please believe me when I say the transition is not as easy at it may appear.
Downloaded some Bananarama and Morrissey as that was really my mood ........ hey who says I am complex :)
Today I went to visit Sarah. I met Sarah, a fellow blogger and kindred spirit at a Meet Up group. Sarah is off to Iceland, America and South America on Thursday and intends staying for a few years. I was suppose to be meeting Sarah at her flat but I was running late, something I never do and ended up meeting her at the storage place. And it was there and then that I realised that I was watching my own life in a few years time. She was storing some personal 'stuff' that she did not want to leave in the flat. I knew that someone was sending me a message. I really do think this will be me one day and it got me remembering the elderly woman I saw at South Mimm's service station years and years ago; the one with a bag on her back trying to hook a lift. Why have I always remembered that? And I knew right there and then that I will not remain in London forever. I will be here for a few years and then I will go. I know that now more than anything.
The view from Sarah's flat
We went back to Sarah's flat which has the most amazing views and sat laughing and talking and sharing stories. We were looking at her Icelandic currency and her US dollars (of course we were and she is going to bloody Florida in October, of course she is there are only 49 other states to go visit, why am I surprised lol). We were laughing away at the most silly of things. A happy time.
On the back of a 1$ bill there is a funny evil eye thing. Anyone know what that is all about?
I quite fancied this guy he's called Hamilton and apparently he is only one of two that are on notes that have never been Presidents
And this one called Grant has the look of Guy Garvey about him don't you think!
And don't you just love this woman who was a famous embroidery person years ago
We then walked into Peckham which was an amazing place. So full of life and contrast. No sign of Del Boy or Rodney or the Peckham Spring ....... Thank you Cherise for reminding me of that brilliant episode, so, so funny along with the one about Trigger's broom. We went to the posh part of Peckham, yes it has a posh part and had cake and watched the world go by. We had an amazing time. We ended up, well I ended up dragging her in an African store. You know me, speak to anyone. This guy was showing me all the fish he had for sale and meat and I eventually told him I was a vegetarian, it was so funny. Sarah said that she would never have gone in on her own; I told her this is what I do. Go around asking questions and meeting people and spreading my sparkle. I will miss her. My first real, kindred spirited friend in London. But, as life has taught me far too many times, life is for living and for moving on. We will keep in touch and I will read about all her wonderful adventures. And until I can create some more of my own, I will explore all the other 'Peckhams' in London. I believe that people come into your life for a reason; either you need them or they need you. So thank you Sarah for confirming what I already know and safe, safe travels my dear friend ....... until the next time! Please follow Sarah's blog as she travels. You can find it at www.themadwomanintheattic.com
As for Bart (sigh), I have listened to my gut feeling over and over again and something was not right and if it does not feel right or if someone gives you numerous reasons to make you feel that way, then you must listen to yourself and that feeling, and I have. He is a really lovely guy and we (well I think so) really liked each other and we had such a laugh, but things did not add up. And as confusing or as difficult as that may be at times you must always listen to yourself. I have had too many lies over the past few years and now choose not to have any more. Bart has departed and I shall not be seeing him again (but I hope he is reading this and will keep in touch when he returns to the States as I would like that as I don't give up on people as you know) ..... and as I said to him the only person I have to look after me is me, and that is what I have done, I am looking after me. But let's face it, they all come back in the end!
So thank you Morrissey for your wisdom .......
I was wasting my time
Trying to fall in love (no not really but you get where I am coming from)
Disappointment came to me and
Booted me and bruised and hurt me (well my feet at least!)
But that's how people grow up
That's how people grow up
The only problem with this train of thought Morrissey, is I have no intention of growing up!
Wednesday: New dawn, new day and I'm feeling good! And I am feeling good. As Eminem would say 'I have been cleaning out my closet' ..... the one in my head. Well working on it at least. I have been so blessed this week as I have heard from so many of you via email, text messages, IM and phone calls. Many of you to check that my friends in Bangkok were safe; they are thank you. And others just to have a chat and a check up; again all good. Then tonight i am out with Craig (again) for dinner as he is in town for a few days so I am really looking to meet up with him again (notice the 'hang out' has now gone lol). It amazes me that no matter how old you are, if you are prepared and have an open mind, there is so much still you can learn not only about the world that you are living in but about yourself. And as I keep saying, people come into your life either as they need to learn from you; or you learn from them. And I am so happy for the people who have crossed my path since I arrived in London; they have taught me so much. But as Andy quite rightly states, we can decide who we allow in. And I must remember that it is a privilege and not an obligation.
Craig had experienced a 'challenging' day, car trouble. We have all been there with that one haven't we. I was telling him how happy I am now not to have a car. We agreed that they are just so expensive to run and just cause trouble. Thank goodness for my Oyster Card. We went to West Kensington to a lovely little vegan/vegetarian restaurant. It was great for me to actually have the choice of absolutely everything on the menu - such a treat! We had a lovely meal, it really was and it was so good to see the restaurant full on a Wednesday evening. I think that speaks volumes.
Craig being Craig and me being me meant that we ended up in a pub and had a rather large gin and tonic each. The pub was so funny. The chairs were so high I felt like I had turned up in an episode of the Borrowers. My poor bruised, swollen feet were dangling about a foot from the floor when I sat down, and that was before I drunk the gin. Football was on the TV and that just amazes me. All the blokes (except Craig) were just mesmerised by the football. I think I was the only one watching the almost pornographic music video being played alongside the football. That good me thinking about men and football. I mean can anyone explain that to me? There have been numerous sociological research papers on the culture of football. How (mainly) men come together, wearing their tribal colours (football shirts), singing songs and a sort of male bonding session each Saturday. It just amazes me that these people come from all parts of society: manual workers, professionals, students. They would have nothing outside that football ground to form a friendship, yet their tribal colours bring them together for those 90 minutes! Like I said: Men ...... I will never understand them. And yes before one of you says, I know some women are like this too.
So this evening I met up with Craig from Stoke again as he was back in town. I got the bus because of my feet and there was a young woman on there preaching and I mean preaching to the whole bus that we are sinners (mmmm yep) and that God will reject us if we do not repent now. I was not in the mood. The one thing I hate is anyone telling me what I should do because they believe it is the right thing for them and their beliefs. Fortunately, for her she got off at the next stop. But this is London.. The weather had turned wet and grey so we agreed to meet at Westminster tube station. So I took this photo whilst I was waiting for him to arrive.
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Craig had experienced a 'challenging' day, car trouble. We have all been there with that one haven't we. I was telling him how happy I am now not to have a car. We agreed that they are just so expensive to run and just cause trouble. Thank goodness for my Oyster Card. We went to West Kensington to a lovely little vegan/vegetarian restaurant. It was great for me to actually have the choice of absolutely everything on the menu - such a treat! We had a lovely meal, it really was and it was so good to see the restaurant full on a Wednesday evening. I think that speaks volumes.
Craig being Craig and me being me meant that we ended up in a pub and had a rather large gin and tonic each. The pub was so funny. The chairs were so high I felt like I had turned up in an episode of the Borrowers. My poor bruised, swollen feet were dangling about a foot from the floor when I sat down, and that was before I drunk the gin. Football was on the TV and that just amazes me. All the blokes (except Craig) were just mesmerised by the football. I think I was the only one watching the almost pornographic music video being played alongside the football. That good me thinking about men and football. I mean can anyone explain that to me? There have been numerous sociological research papers on the culture of football. How (mainly) men come together, wearing their tribal colours (football shirts), singing songs and a sort of male bonding session each Saturday. It just amazes me that these people come from all parts of society: manual workers, professionals, students. They would have nothing outside that football ground to form a friendship, yet their tribal colours bring them together for those 90 minutes! Like I said: Men ...... I will never understand them. And yes before one of you says, I know some women are like this too.
So we got the tube back. Craig got off at Westminster to get his connection and rattled home, in the rain! It really was a lovely evening and so good to catch up.
Thursday: Well I do not know where summer has gone in London. I am sitting here, in bed (because to be honest there really is no point getting up yet as I have absolutely nothing to do or get up for) looking out my bedroom window at the Shard. She (I have gendered the Shard) is surrounded by a grey, cloudy cloak this morning and there is not one patch of blue sky. Giving the feet a rest this morning. Last night they looked like they belonged to a Hobbit let alone me.
Bananarama on iPod I left the flat to attend yet another Meet Up in the search for my tribe. Everyone thinks London is overcrowded and noisy. Sure, of course it is, but just a few minutes from my flat there is peace and quiet. You turn a corner and the whole feel of the place changes. So here is some more iron work, which still seems to be my flavour of the month. But notice the leaves are starting to fall.
As always, I was early so popped into Starbuck's for a coffee. The guy behind the counter did the usual 'Hi how are you, have you had a good day?' routine. And me, being me, have to be honest and reply that it had not been the best of days. So Daniel (that was his name) had a lovely chat about how, as polite humans, we rarely say what we really think. He was a lovely guy with an infectious smile. I told him I blogged and asked if I could take his photo and he said sure. So here is Daniel oh and I gave him my blog address too so hopefully he has seen this. See, things happen when you go outside the door!
So I sat outside Starbuck's drinking my drink that Daniel had made and was right opposite the extension for Tate Modern. The Tate Modern as many of you may know is housed in and old power station but they are now building an extension. I think it looks rather good.
Went to the Meet Up group which was for people from all around the world and wow! I had a brilliant night and met so many diverse and interesting people. Mays took me under her wing (thank you) and she was from Iraq and so was her friend Maya. They were trying to teach me Arabic. I told them all I knew was thank you as I had heard it so many times when flying with Qatar and Ethiad Airways. I also me a Professor of Spanish History called Luis from eh Spain! A lovely woman from Kazakhstan and I told her that I met someone in Bangkok from there when they were lost. I met two guys from India, an annoying guy from Hong Kong who was insistent that we guess what work he does. It was obviously IT as he had no social skills whatsoever ............... sigh!
A guy from Wales, one from South Africa, a guy from Shoreditch lol then a guy from the Eccleshall Road in Stafford!!! I mean, really! We then went on to the pub where I was chatting to a guy from Canada and a guy from France. A really, really interesting evening. So many people with amazing stories and excellent English.
I walked back to the flat, still with Bananarama singing happily in my headphones. Andy was still up and I told him about my amazing evening. Living in a City can be lonely. But living in Stoke was lonely. The difference is here is that there are so many opportunities. Sure, as I walked to the Meet Up last night there were people having a drink or dinner and I thought, oh I want to do that. But speaking to the others last night they all felt the same. Funny enough I was talking to the guy from Canada and the guy from France about Tinder. They were in total agreement with me. They don't particularly like it but how do you, in this day and age, meet people? Matthew, the French guy and me, were chatting about on line dating and social interaction for about an hour and still couldn't work it out. We come to the conclusion that the answer was 42!
Friday: Walked up to the Community Garden this morning and spent an hour there. I planted some winter vegetables so fingers crossed. Also the lettuce is started to come up and the tomatoes are doing well. Feet ache this morning so have just dossed around the flat. But I have yet another Meet Up tonight so thought it best to rest up.
I have spent some time today designing some business cards. This is something you never think you have to do. But in London, everyone has a card to hand out so I thought when in Rome ....... well London but you get what I mean.
So another night, another Meet Up. This one was originally called 'I speak to anyone' and I thought, mmmm that sounds just like me. It is at Shoreditch, which at one time, was a no go area of London, but is now the home of the beardy hipster apocalypse ...... Sign! It is a tough job for a girl to do, but I am sure I will rally round. I am going to leave early, just in case I get lost or need more time to have a look around before I go to the venue.
The Universe delivered. The train was full of Australian men coming home from the Oval! Sigh! I do like the Australians, they still make me chuckle. Arrived at Old Street and I am getting to know that area now. I had a look down Kingsland Road. Ghostbuster and Bart had both told me about the Vietnamese restaurants down there. There were so many to choose from. I will defiantly go back and have a look.
I found the venue for the Meet Up. It was like someone's living room. An eclectic mix of furniture and furnishings but such a warm, welcoming feel to it. You helped yourself to the various teas and coffee and there was a wide selection of food. I made myself a green tea and started to mingle. I won't lie to you, it was a bit difficult at first. But a guy called Kurwin (probably not spelt right) sat next to me and we chatted away. He was a Deputy Manager in a children's nursery. We chatted away and the place soon filled up, with my kind of people. Daniel (in Thailand) you would absolutely love it sweetheart. Such energy and light.
I ended up spending the majority of the evenings speaking to a woman from Lithuania about ...................... men and relationships! She has just gone through a nasty break up. It got me thinking. Is it the same the whole world over? Is there any hope for any of us? We sat and chatted for ages, sitting on comfy chairs by the windows (that were open) over looking Shoreditch High Street where the world and his wife were passing. I then realised that it was 23:20 and the last tube is around 00:20. Living in London is like being Cinderella (or Tinderella if the other night's Meet Up conversation was anything to go by). You have to be on the way home by midnight. If not, it would have been a couple of night buses. Which is OK, but not ideal.
I said my goodbyes and had so many hugs from people, and you know me,hugs are always good and off I trotted back to the tube. It is really funny when you are sober and al those around you are drunk. The bars were heaving and everyone was in a happy mood. I do like the feel of Shoreditch. Vibrant and diverse. I got to the tube and it was so busy. There was a busker on the platform and we all started singing along with him to There Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone. It really was a great atmosphere.
Managed to get a seat on the tube which was a miracle as it was so busy. Then, at the next stop, verification that anything goes in London. Three guys go on the train dressed as Ghostbusters. Of course they were. If they hadn't have been that they would have had bloody skateboards or a cow bell around their neck. I must say, they costumes were very good. They did not speak to each other or to anyone and I had to work really hard to not laugh. But hey, that is London anything goes.
Got back to the flat turned midnight ........ and collapsed in bed. It had been a good night.
As always, with my love x
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