Monday: I am leaving the flat to early still. I was on the bus at 7.57am. I know this as all London buses have a clock in them and display the next stop. All this is linked by a GPS system that feeds to the majority of bus stops, telling you what time the next bus is due and also if you are using an App such as CityMapper, your phone will bleep telling you when to get off the bus ...... providing you have set it right. Obviously, I do not need this feature now as I know where I am going. But by leaving slightly later, the journey is somewhat quicker as the majority of children have left already. I arrived at work at 8.40am. I start at 9.00am. So tomrrow I will leave the flat at 7.50am and see what happens.
Left work at 17.20 and got home 18.00 after the obligatory trip to Tesco. Oh how I dislike Tesco, yet they rule the roost here. Andy and I sat and ate our meal together. We don't cook for each other, neither of us would want that. I have had far to many years of deciding what is for dinner to start that lark again. Also, he eats completely different food to me, including meat. But tonight it just so happened that our meals were ready the same time. I left work with the mother of all headaches and really should take a tablet for it, but will try to shrug it off. Andy and I, well me really, have just had a fit of the giggles whilst washing up as Andy can say that long Welsh train station name, you know the one. I was amazed. I put it down to him coming from Chester which is virtually Wales. Anyway, he was trying to teach me and I just kept getting a fit of the giggles. Very childish, but just what I needed. I do not know what I would do without him same days.
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch
Finished off the evening with a lovely, long chat with my friend Jackie. Which after the initial seriousness of the conversation, eventually turned in to utter mayhem and laughter.
Tuesday: Well I guess it had to happen sometime. Words fail me today. It has been a challenging and difficult day for numerous reasons; all of which I am not writing here. This time will pass. I know that. First song I hear on the radio when I get into work was the theme tune from Rosie and Jim. Meg and I used
to sit and watch that, over and over again! It was then followed by Sacrifice by Elton John. That song was number one when I first met JF. Sometimes the Universe can be so cruel. I sat at my desk, inwardly totally overwhelmed by everything; outwardly looking like a swan, still and composed. It is funny that my friend Daniel, in Thailand, always contacts me when I need reassurance. He posted on FB and I replied and today he messaged me. Like-minded souls know this; we just connect.
It is Andy I feel for, he lives this. We are not a couple, far from it. Yet in other ways we are a couple. He has been through the whole fucked up journey with me, virtually from the start. Whilst you just read this, he is here with me seeing it all pan out and feels totally helpless. He has tried to readdress the balance on numerous occasions and has been met, like me with the wall of silence. He gets so angry and so frustrated, but I guess he has every right to do so. But I feel for him. So tonight I do did what I do best, went to my room. The time I have spent in a room over the past few years. Like I said before, it is a twisted Stockholm Syndrome. This time will pass and all will become well.
Wednesday: Hump day. I have always liked Wednedays. I was born on a Wednesday. The best day at school when I was older was a Wednesday I will probably die on a Wednesday. Thank goodness it was Wednesday. Too many issues at the moment, mainly focussed between 9.00am - 5.00pm. That is all I am saying. Arrived home and breathed. Quiet night tonight to be honest. Whilst it does not make exciting reading for you, I have welcomed it. Andy and I sat and ate our meal then watched the Apprentice. The one I thought was a sweetie obviously got eliminated the first week! That's me. The finger of doom was on him. I look at those candidates and think to myself: really?
I started to watch Corrie on my Smart TV catch up thing and fell asleep. I have slept a great deal the past week and I guess it is a combination of working, stress, dark nights and dark evenings. But I can hear my Nan say well Karen you must need it! All is well, this time will pass.
Thursday: Difficult today. Things and people on my mind. Sent positive thoughts all day to a dear friend. Tonight I met Andy at Vauxhall and we went up to Leicester Square for some dinner. I received some worrying news from a dear, dear friend that sort of puts everything in my life into perspective. I will leave that there.
We had a lovely Italian meal then went to the Odeon at Covent Garden. What an experience that turned out to be. We went to see Macbeth. The cinema was
run by a Chinese man and woman but with a south London accent. We got our tickets and I went to get Andy a drink and the woman said 'what you want?' I said oh just the one beer. Then a guy walked in behind me and she started to serve him and he wanted a ticket to see another film and she said 'Ohhh just one?' in a very patronising voice.
We walked to the cinema showing our film, and we walked, and we walked and I swear we were going down to the Northern Line. We entered the cinema and it smelt of petrol; it was as if we were under a petrol station or something. The cinema was, by the time the film started, full. Totally full. I love London. The people next to us pulled a bottle of red wine out of their bag and two glasses and proceeded to drink the wine throughout the film. Most people had a drink with them. It was if we had entered a stealth like session of Alcoholics Anonymous. The film was ......... interesting. I loved the music. But it was very dirty and cold looking as in they all needed a good wash and it was filmed, obviously, in Scotland so it was bleak, mountainous and cold. The plot itself was filmed in such a way that it appeared that the whole events happened over a weekend. I was obsessed with Lady Macbeath's spot slap bang in the middle of her forehead. And she cold ever have had sex with him when he was smothered in loads of blood from the battle field I never know. It no wonder old Mcbeth didn't catch his death from the cold running around in the night to meet the witches, who were a bit odd to be honest, just dressed in his nightshirt. But the whole evening was an experience.
Friday: Nothing exciting has happened to day. Sad but true. I cooked a rather tasty three bean chilli, which I will be eating for the next four days unless I freeze it. Some positive news regarding one of the things that have been playing on my mind this week so that is good. So it has been a chilled out chilli night with Andy and I watching the Apprentice (part two) and my new found
programme Googlebox. I was watching it last night with the most adorable and gorgeous Jamie Dornan who I have had my little eyes on since The Fall and last night he did not disappoint as he has his beard back. Oh there is a God after all.
So I am aware that this blog is a bit flat this week. I love London and I am so happy to be here. It has given me the opportunity to rebuild my life and all is well, except one little, yet major component. I will rectify this. All is well.
It is Andy I feel for, he lives this. We are not a couple, far from it. Yet in other ways we are a couple. He has been through the whole fucked up journey with me, virtually from the start. Whilst you just read this, he is here with me seeing it all pan out and feels totally helpless. He has tried to readdress the balance on numerous occasions and has been met, like me with the wall of silence. He gets so angry and so frustrated, but I guess he has every right to do so. But I feel for him. So tonight I do did what I do best, went to my room. The time I have spent in a room over the past few years. Like I said before, it is a twisted Stockholm Syndrome. This time will pass and all will become well.
Wednesday: Hump day. I have always liked Wednedays. I was born on a Wednesday. The best day at school when I was older was a Wednesday I will probably die on a Wednesday. Thank goodness it was Wednesday. Too many issues at the moment, mainly focussed between 9.00am - 5.00pm. That is all I am saying. Arrived home and breathed. Quiet night tonight to be honest. Whilst it does not make exciting reading for you, I have welcomed it. Andy and I sat and ate our meal then watched the Apprentice. The one I thought was a sweetie obviously got eliminated the first week! That's me. The finger of doom was on him. I look at those candidates and think to myself: really?
I started to watch Corrie on my Smart TV catch up thing and fell asleep. I have slept a great deal the past week and I guess it is a combination of working, stress, dark nights and dark evenings. But I can hear my Nan say well Karen you must need it! All is well, this time will pass.
Thursday: Difficult today. Things and people on my mind. Sent positive thoughts all day to a dear friend. Tonight I met Andy at Vauxhall and we went up to Leicester Square for some dinner. I received some worrying news from a dear, dear friend that sort of puts everything in my life into perspective. I will leave that there.
We had a lovely Italian meal then went to the Odeon at Covent Garden. What an experience that turned out to be. We went to see Macbeth. The cinema was
We walked to the cinema showing our film, and we walked, and we walked and I swear we were going down to the Northern Line. We entered the cinema and it smelt of petrol; it was as if we were under a petrol station or something. The cinema was, by the time the film started, full. Totally full. I love London. The people next to us pulled a bottle of red wine out of their bag and two glasses and proceeded to drink the wine throughout the film. Most people had a drink with them. It was if we had entered a stealth like session of Alcoholics Anonymous. The film was ......... interesting. I loved the music. But it was very dirty and cold looking as in they all needed a good wash and it was filmed, obviously, in Scotland so it was bleak, mountainous and cold. The plot itself was filmed in such a way that it appeared that the whole events happened over a weekend. I was obsessed with Lady Macbeath's spot slap bang in the middle of her forehead. And she cold ever have had sex with him when he was smothered in loads of blood from the battle field I never know. It no wonder old Mcbeth didn't catch his death from the cold running around in the night to meet the witches, who were a bit odd to be honest, just dressed in his nightshirt. But the whole evening was an experience.
Friday: Nothing exciting has happened to day. Sad but true. I cooked a rather tasty three bean chilli, which I will be eating for the next four days unless I freeze it. Some positive news regarding one of the things that have been playing on my mind this week so that is good. So it has been a chilled out chilli night with Andy and I watching the Apprentice (part two) and my new found
 |
| Sigh ................... All I want for Christmas .... |
So I am aware that this blog is a bit flat this week. I love London and I am so happy to be here. It has given me the opportunity to rebuild my life and all is well, except one little, yet major component. I will rectify this. All is well.
As always, with my love.
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